For the first time in Mocking the Draft history we’re supplementing our first-round coverage with some additional an-[holds finger to ear] they’re telling me I can’t call this analysis. Let’s say “coverage,” then. Perhaps it’s because the top 200 names we had to choose from weren’t all that great this year. Perhaps it’s because the name Zane Zurbrugg appeared in our timelines and has been burning a hole in our brains ever since. We’ll never really know. Anyway, this is a list of a bunch of names we thought were kinda cool or kinda funny or just read like they embodied something. We made comments on some of them. Enjoy. –Ben Carsley & Craig Goldstein

Round 1:
Josh Jung
Michael Young’s illiterate, alliterative son.

Ethan Small
Anthony Volpe
JJ Goss

Round 2:
Gunnar Henderson

John Doxakis

This is just Woody Allen trying to ask for one Dos Equis.

Aaron Schunk

Grae Kessinger

Maybe he’ll win the Nobel Peace Prize after he hits someone in the head with a fastball or something.

Yordys Valdes
Chase Strumpf
Jared Triolo
Logan Driscoll

Round 3:
Grant Gambrell
Peyton Burdick

Spencer Steer

Cowboy Up indeed.

Jack Kochanowicz
You can tell me your brain didn’t autocorrect this to Jim from The Office’s real name but I won’t believe you.

Tristin English

Jamari Baylor

Joseph Naranjo
Orange you glad this isn’t another Trystyn.

Levi Stoudt
When you can’t remember the “apple-bottom jeans” lyric.

Ryan Zeferjahn

Round 4:
Matt Brash
How is this not Nick Swisher’s real name?

Jake Mangum
Ethan Small’s mortal enemy. -BC
One half of an ‘80s buddy cop duo where the other half is an animal. -CG

Andre Pallante
Kasey Kalich

Noah Song
He should have a pretty interesting career arc.

Round 5:
John Rave
The critics love him.

Evan Fitterer
Tired of these crossfit guys.

Garrett Frechette
Gunner Mayer

Round 6:
Maverick Handley
I’m not sure I even have anything for this but lmao -BC
The name of the animal that is the other half of that buddy cop duo with Jake Mangum. -CG

MD Johnson
The fake name of a “doctor” in a video that Dayton Moore would NOT approve of.

Drake Fellows
Whichever sports team is good at that moment.

Avery Weems
Sawyer Gipson

Zach Peek
As if the obsession over sign-stealing wasn’t bad enough.

Jackson Cluff
“Cluff” is the inverse of “chuff.” When you have a crap day because someone ruined your hat, you’re absolutely cluffed about it.

Pedro Pages
George R.R. Martin doesn’t have ‘em.

Aaron Ochsenbein
Hayden Wesneski

Matthew Barefoot
2014 Carsley’s favorite baseball player. -CG
Most accessible player, maybe. – BC

Round 7:
Luke Ritter

Xzavion Curry
We stan a king. – CG
Strong disagree. This name sucks. – BC

Brad Deppermann

Blair Henley
We’re overwhelmed with choice. An English trust fund baby who falsely claims to have invented the Henley. A Southern woman of high society who not to be trifled with – on the polo grounds or the boardroom. A Northeastern, monied frat bro whose greatest contribution to any discussion is a haughty scoff.

Round 8:
Griffin McLarty
DJ Gladney’s biggest fan.

Angel Camacho
Would watch every one of the 8 movies based on this action hero.

Connor Wollersheim
Casey Legumina
Nate Fassnacht
Kyle Brnovich

Dominic Canzone
<<< Dominic P’zone

Jeremy Ydens
Logan Gragg

Davidjohn Herz
I complain about double first-namers but this is ridiculous. -CG
I would like to fight him, I’m pretty sure. – BC

Round 9:
Evan Brabrand
Doesn’t matter which one. Just pick a brand. La Perla, Hanky Panky, Calvin Klein, DKNY, Bali. Pick a new one every time, it really doesn’t matter.

Simon Whiteman
One of the guys in Clayton Kershaw’s posse.

Rudy Rott
‘80s wrestler whose tagline was Rott’n to the Core.

Bobby Ay
One of the guys in this image

Todd Lott

Peyton Battenfield
Big Pat Benatar fan.

Cody Scroggins

Round 10:
Jeff Houghtby

McCarthy Tatum
When the potato is a communist.

Chad Sykes

Cameron Junker
Blessedly is a pitcher. -CG
Born to be an Oriole. -BC

Jack Yalowitz
Wyatt Hendrie

Round 11:
Vinnie Pasquantino
Heir to Val Pascucci for most New York/Italian name in baseball.

Vaughn Grissom
Nick Mikolajchak

Mack Chambers

Brock Begue
Something something Begueing the question

Ryan Gusto

Round 12:
Kade Strowd

Jack Dashwood
Romance novel-ass name.

Orlando Ribalta

Antoine Mistico
Better romance novel-ass name.

Mitchell Tyranski

Hunter Bigge
When you’re drunk and trying to remember Hunter Renfroe’s name. -BC
Ethan Small’s other mortal enemy -CG

Garrett Gayle

Round 13:
Luke Berryhill

Harrison Freed
Literally the plot of The Fugitive. -BC
Also the headline when Monte gets promoted. -CG

Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good draft.

Hunter Markwardt

Tommy Jew
“Say. the whole. word.”

Micah Pries
We were this close to having a Jew and a Priest in the same round, which would have been the start of a pretty good joke.

Jacob Cantleberry
Well, not with that attitude.

Round 14:
Bodi Rascon
Your girlfriend took a body shot off of him in Cancun when she was a junior in college. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Cody Lawyerson
Threatens to sue if you bat flip him.

Zac Kristofak

Patrick Frick
Elliot from Scubs’ favorite player.

McKinley Moore
Sure, he only lasted six months as President, we’d all like to have seen McKinley Moore. -CG
Calling him Denali Moore will *enrage* your uncle. – BC

Round 15:
Randon Hostert
Carter Aldrete
Louie Varland
Connor Blair

Round 16:
Shelton Perkins

DJ Gladney
Plays a weird mix of Scottish folk and house music. Sometimes it works. More often it doesn’t.

Andrew Nardi
Another one of Andy Bernard’s fake-ass names.

Kona Quiggle
Assistant professor in Hufflepuff-ass name.

Triston Polley

Jackxarel Lebron
Now this is a legend we stan. -BC
Thanks, I hate it. -CG

Chris Cornelius

Dakota Donovan
Your heart still skips a beat everytime you think about Dakota Donovan. She was a gorgeous brunette on a mission, and you were just a … you know what, I can’t do this again yet.

Junior Martina
Logan Rinehart

Trysten Barlow

Johzan Oquendo
Brady Basso
Shaine McNeely

Oraj Anu
Excited for any headline combining home run slang terms and a last name possessive here.

Round 17:
Morgan McSweeney

AJ Block
When you want to be listed ahead of the national tax chain in the Yellow Pages.

Connor Cannon
Jared DiCesare

Antoine Jean
~*was not my lover.*~

Dutch Landis
…actually called “The Netherlands.”

Zak Baayoun

Julian Escobedo
Editor-in-chief of Jezebel I’m p sure.

Tanner Dalton
Alex Erro

Michael YaSenka
YaSenka, you dead, mon?

Amos Willingham

Round 18:
Malachi Emond

Burle Dixon
Lost to Kacey Musgraves for country album of the year.

Jared Mang

Jason Ruffcorn
Corn’s badass, risk-taking cousin.

Marc Church

Edouard Julien
Needs to meet up with James Beard.

Aaron Antonini
Look it’s nothing special but this is a lot of name to be majority vowels.

Mahki Backstrom
Tyler Driver
Jeff Belge
Ashton McGee
Jacob Herbert

Round 19:
Chris Givin
Blaine Crim
Kanoa Pagan
Hunter Parsons
Tyler Yankosky

Zarion Sharpe
An NPC at The Tower in Destiny 2. Backstory is never explained. Just gives you Glimmer.

Tyler Krabbe
Just tickle his underbelly if he pinches you.

Round 20:
Andrew Navigato
Najee Gaskins

Cade Marlowe
A soap opera villain I’m actually rooting for somehow?

Yorvis Torrealba
So are we gonna get a Yorvir Torrealba in a few years too?

Reed Harrington

Round 21:
Ashton Creal
Bryce Fehmel
Parker Caracci
Bradley Hanner

Hilton Dyar
So, like, Eugene O’Neill?*

Dustin Lacaze
Reeves Martin

Trey LaFleur
The star of Dodgeball: The Reboot in 2036.

Dylan Spacke

Round 22:
Logan Glass
Cole Zabowski
Javeyan Williams

Tucker Maxwell
I didn’t really care for Tucker Max the first time around.

Zade Richardson

Trent Tingelstad
Trent Tingles Tad, reads a headline from the Romney family newsletter.

Ben Peoples
“Ben Persons” I say, as I’m mauled by the crowd.

Fineas De Bonta-Smith

Gerritt van Zijill
Am I having a stroke?

Dominic D’Alessandro

Round 23:
Nic Ready
Not ready enough to finish that first name I guess.

Griffin Dey
The perfect draft pick for Cincinnati.

JC Keys
Brylie Ware
Cyrillo Watson

Round 24:
Jakob Goldfarb
Quinten Sefcik
Michael Bienlien

Kipp Rollings
Deputy Editor at The Atlantic.

Bryce Ball
Belated off-season headline in Philadelphia.

Duke Kinamon
Trayson Kubo

Jake Pries
Well ask him to not be so rude.

Round 25:
Rafael Xavier Pelletier
Jamie Sara
Ethan Goforth
Jonny Deluca

EP Reese
Call me he graduates to Album Reese.

Round 26:
Quincy McAfee

Jean-Christophe Masson
Thirteenth century religious scholar who was tragically executed for his opinion “idk, lefties don’t seem that bad to me?”

Dupree Hart

Ryan Troutman
The one person who properly appreciates Mike Trout.

Round 27:
Casey Combs
Beau Brieske
Samson Abernathy
Eric Lex

Parker Brahms

Cayne Ueckert
Zane Zurbrugg
Ueckert and Zurbrugg are the lead characters in a future-set militaristic adventure video game that generates waves at E3 and never gets finished due to a reliance on an over-aggressive development schedule and not enough money.

Round 28:
Caeden Trenkle
A 21-year-old Princeton sophomore who Fox News brings on to complain about safe spaces. Then files a lawsuit when he turns into a meme.

Coleman Crow
Denson Hull

Bear Bellomy
Actually, a pretty good-ass name. Would rock his shirsey.

Anthony Lepre

Serafino Brito
San Pellegrino’s $400 entry into the water filter game.

Round 29:
Houston Roth

Kaleb Roper
Yassel Pino
Owen Diodati
Micah Yonamine

Breyln Jones
I don’t know how to say this first name. I’ve tried. It mostly comes out like “brailn” and…that…that can’t be right. I’ve also seen it listed as Brelyn which, wrong as it is feels more right. But Draft Tracker says “Breyln” and I just don’t know anymore.

Whit Drennan

Round 30:
Dalton Stambaugh

Jimmy Govern
Polling better than Jim Delaney on name alone, and he’s not even running.

Ripken Reyes
Anthony Hoopii-Tuionetoa
Justin Crump
Cameron Dulle
Cody Grosse
Dawson McCarville

Round 31:
Josh Bissonette
Jared Janczak
Peyton Plumlee
Feleipe Franks

Round 32:
Harris Yett
Chandler Redmond
Jackson Tate

Cody Birdsong
Will be singing a very different tune depending on if he ends up an Oriole or a Cardinal.

Bryce Windham
Ethan Hoopingarner

Round 33:
Trey Jeans
When you’ve loaded up on Levi Stoudts.

Keegan Pulford-Thorpe
Three-time Pulitzer Prize winner who absolutely uses the cliche journo Twitter avi default pose. – BC
British MP most famous for spilling a milkshake on himself and then claiming he was attacked. -CG

Spencer Mraz
Cole Kleszcz
Cutter Clawson

Ernny Ordonez
I got nothing. Just an incredible approach to spelling Ernie.

Julio Carrion
His last name means dead animal so definitely an Oriole.

Thayer Thomas

Round 34:
Jalen Battles
Ridge Chapman
Dylan Shockley
Alec Wisely
Joey Lancellotti

Carter Bach
Also classic.

Round 35:
Logan Britt
Torin Montgomery
Robert Klinchock

Tanner Cooper

Odrick Pitre
Sounds like a Night’s Watch Ranger who got four paragraphs of meaningless background before dying of dysentery in A Clash of Kings.

Zach Rafuse
When Davies has a bad outing.

Nathaniel Espelin
Wasn’t this the LARP name from Role Models?

Round 36:
Declin Cronin

Pavin Parks
Deforestation is a serious issue.

Cameron Repetti
Is … is his middle name also Cameron?

Cam Beauchamp

Sam Wibbels
Good for Sam.

Jayson Hoopes

Shay Smiddy
The location when your pal from Boston hosts a dinner party.

Jake Walkinshaw
Montana Semmel

Round 37:
Garvin Alston

Levi Usher
YOU: Oh, so you work at Macy’s?


Trei Cruz
CJ Dandeneau
Jaylon McLaughlin
Abimael Gonzalez
Chase Wheatcroft
Connor Prielipp

Round 38:
Augue Sylk
Tyresse Tuner
Ryan Sloniger

Round 39:
AJ Bumpass
AJ Burnett was surly, sure but this seems a little much as far as nicknames go.

Octavio Corona
When you’re binge drinking before your Spanish final and someone asks you how many beers you’ve crushed.

Jake Hirabayashi
What Jeremy Jamm would try to name his son.

Jacob Hurtubise
“What the f*ck, Jacob?” – Ubise

Round 40:
Bobby Zmarzlak
Kade Mechals
Gianluca Dalatri
Koty Fallon
Camden Lovrich
Logan Steenstra

Tyson Heaton
For when you get too high to make it to Popeye’s on time.

Derek Diamond

Cash Rugely
When Scooby Doo wins big at the casino.

Perry McMichen
Caden Bunnell

*Yes, I know, it was a Sheraton

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Dane Galloway
I couldn’t make it to the 40th round without losing my mind, I’m tearing up in the office. This *is* coverage
Wow. I think at this point, the various Tr*st*ns of baseball are giving the "Antoine" variations (Antowain, Antwan, Antwaan, etc) of the NFL a run for their money.