keyboard_arrow_uptop

PRODUCER: [into headset] Okay and we’re live in 5…4…3… [silent counts 2…1]

ALEX RODRIGUEZ: [prepares for some extra razzing after hardware commercial] nothing can be worse than the Derek Jeter idol comment. you know that. this’ll be fine.

PETE ROSE: i'm about to roast this sucker

FRANK THOMAS: what was that song the band Live did in the 90s…Lightning Crashes? that was good

KEVIN BURKHARDT: Welcome back from that segment of From The Vault a-

ROSE: He owns a whole chain of hardware stores now…

THOMAS: it’s a good song but idk about placenta as a lyric. Not many songs have placenta as a lyric

RODRIGUEZ: don’t bite on pete’s taunt. don’t do it, alex. practice your mantra: calm. cool. collected. centaur.

ROSE: …What’s your favorite tool, buddy?

THOMAS: “her intentions fall to the floor” that’s some great imagery though. i don’t know what her intentions are in this case, but hey

RODRIGUEZ: ignore it, just let Kevin handle it

ROSE: oh he thinks he can ignore me? i’m gonna the patented Old Man Arm Press: Do you have a favorite tool

RODRIGUEZ: i wish i could call him a tool right now, WAIT-

BURKHARDT: Yeah he’s a plumber too, didn’t ya notice?

THOMAS: ooohhh I feel it, coooomming back agaiiin

RODRIGUEZ [rounds on Pete]: YEAH. YOU! [Maniacal laugh]

THOMAS: like a roll of thunder, chasing the wind

BURKHARDT [morphing into Santa]: OH HO HO HO HO HO HO [shares a high five with Alex]

THOMAS: forces pulling from the center of the earth again, i can f- wait what is everyone laughing at? be cool be cool just laugh with them, think frank what were we talking about? that commercial, okay, you’re fine just laugh

ROSE: that motherf- smile for the cameras Pete

THOMAS: i’m going to have to say something, i haven’t said anything in minutes. we’re all just laughing about hardware just chime in and no one will notice

RODRIGUEZ: i'm going to make this old coot high five my own of h-

ROSE: [Pulls high five back] too slow sucker

BURKHARDT: [loud gasp for air]

THOMAS: now’s your chance frank: HARDWARE

Special thanks to Kenny Ducey for making this clip possible

Thank you for reading

This is a free article. If you enjoyed it, consider subscribing to Baseball Prospectus. Subscriptions support ongoing public baseball research and analysis in an increasingly proprietary environment.

Subscribe now
You need to be logged in to comment. Login or Subscribe
kdbell88
11/01
hardware
TheArtfulDodger
11/01
hardware
mdlehrman
11/01
+1
jarrettseidler
11/01
hardware
andrewmearns
11/01
Burkhardt Claus is comin' to town

because he needs to go to the hardware store
kennyducey
11/01
hardware
BenC22
11/01
Hardware :D
trueblue33
11/01
I didn't see this clip live, and thought it was something that Craig had come up with on his own....I could totally see it playing out in my head.

And THEN I saw the clip at the bottom....classic!!!

trueblue33
11/01
On a side note, I've been really impressed with Arod as a commentator throughout the postseason...sure, some of his comments are a little canned, but he's REALLY pulled that off!

Petey, on the other hand...