Every Tuesday and Thursday, Too Far From Town shines a light on the 42 (really 43) minor league baseball teams in danger of losing their major league baseball affiliations, effectively leaving them for dead. Today we focus on the Erie SeaWolves, the Double-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. You could take in the previous installments here.
Sometime in the future, Sertralpro Zopaline and Fluxolyn Busparan landed somewhere on the planet formerly known as Earth, in their never ending quest to get some exercise, alleviate boredom, and get themselves a non-lethal tan through their slick spacesuits.
After miles of less than nothingness, Sertralpro thought he hallucinated an object on the ground in the distance.
Without daring to get much of his hopes up, Sertralpro walked over to the object, a little embarrassed at himself once he realized he was at a near jog. Sertralpro was rewarded with a mystery.
“What in this hellscape is this?”
Fluxolyn leisurely walked over to Sertralpro and his new toy. She pulled out her bulky, years out-of-date GoogleDisney Probot from her front pocket.
Classic Sertralpro forgot his GoogleDisney Probot on the ship, so he was looking over Fluxolyn’s shoulder, to Fluxolyn’s annoyance.
“A minor league baseball team. What’s a minor league baseball?”
Fluxolyn quickly scrolled the results of Sertralpro’s query, a little bit to piss him off, a little bit to show off her better comprehension skills.
“Basically a fun subculture within the world of baseball that gradually died in the name of science, but really from greed.”
“What’s baseball again?”
An explanation followed.
“Oh right, Mike Trout, owners that constantly claimed they were poor but still owned their teams, cool cool.”
Sertralpro examined the ring again, this time more aware of how it felt on his gloved hand, as if the answer was engraved on its surface.
“What’s ‘Alternative Facts Night’ mean?”
Fluxolyn scrolled, furrowing her brows. She hesitated to say the following, but she knew it was going to be hard to nutshell it.
“I found something about the Erie SeaWolves and Alternative Facts Night. From Baseball Prospectus’ ‘Too Far From Town’, apparently.”
“Yeah, this seems too cute by half.”
“Who was the leader of the country of Erie at the time?”
The GDP heard the query. Fluxolyn and Sertralpro read the screen, at first rapidly, then slower, then even slower, almost like they grew more tired the more they read. Eventually, Sertralpro spoke.
“So Earth people would just make stuff up, as if it would be true just by saying it?”
Sertralpro looked up.
“It got late fast.”
Art (SeaWolves logo): Davy Andrews
Music (“The Rapture of the Deep” and “Between the Waves”): Davy Andrews
Prose: Roger Cormier
Art (Future Earth): Roger Cormier
Replica Ring: Erie SeaWolves/Facebook
Thank you for reading
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