No one likes giving up hits to Bryce Harper, but 35 pitchers already have. What if we told you you there was a better way?

If you want to retire Bryce Harper every time he comes to the plate*, just try our patented 76-86 MPH Slider!™ The Yankees did on Saturday, and now you can, too! Once you do, you won't want to throw him anything else!

First inning:

Third inning:

Fifth inning:

10th inning:

Totals for Harper's first five at-bats, as seen on TV: 19 pitches, 16 76-86 MPH Sliders™, one golden sombrero. And don't forget the 14th!

14th inning:

So don't do what Andy Pettitte did in the seventh inning, when he threw Harper an 88-mph fastball that he lined sharply to center field. That foolish fastball almost turned into a hit. Do you want â€‹to give up hits to Bryce Harper? We didn't think so! So send away for a 76-86 MPH Slider™ today!

*Results not guaranteed. Before today, Bryce Harper had batted .364 and slugged .636 against sliders in June.

But wait, there's more! For a limited time only, order now, and we'll throw in an 82 MPH Splitter™ at no extra charge! Perfect for the days when the game goes to extras and Harper has already hit five times and seen 18 sliders!

​12th inning:

You need to be logged in to comment. Login or Subscribe
Watching Harper bat today was just painful. For some reason he got in his head today and said 'I'm gonna swing at every pitch, no matter what!". Maybe trying a little too hard to impress his favorite childhood team? It wasn't nearly as painful as watching Lidge pitch though. I knew the game was over the moment I saw him walk to the mound.
This was hilarious!

Baseball Prospectus uses cookies on this website. They help us to understand how you use our website, which allows us to provide an improved browsing experience. Cookies are stored locally on your computer or mobile device and not by BP. To accept cookies continue browsing as normal. You will see this message only once. Privacy Policy

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. See the BP Cookie Policy for more information. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.