Baseball history is full of cheaters who excelled at their craft. I'm not talking about PED users, for the most part. I'm talking about guys who scuffed baseballs, stole signs, corked bats, and threw games. And the vast majority of these men were never caught, though some, like Whitey Ford and Gaylord Perry, were happy to brag about getting away with it for decades.
But thankfully, baseball is also full of cheaters who were absolutely terrible at cheating, get caught easily, and then make terrible excuses none of us believe. It is into this latter camp, gratefully, that Jose Valverde might fall. Valverde, as most of the baseball-loving world knows by now, appeared to spit into his glove during the ninth inning against the Reds. The video was posted online, and later tweeted about by Dallas Latos, the wife of Reds pitcher Mat Latos.
Valverde insists he wasn't doing anything wrong, telling the Detroit Free Press he was just "wiping sweat from his face." Sweat. Localized around your upper lip and chin area. Wiped off, despite the fact that you make absolutely no wiping motion at all. Right after you make a face like you’re getting ready to spit. That's your defense? You must think we're as stupid as your "I just finished protecting a three-run lead in the ninth by retiring three whole batters" dance. But Valverde's excuse is nowhere near the worst denial of all time. Here are my favorites, ranked from least to most ridiculous.
Manufactured Runs: The... (06/13)
