Fans, you may be confused by the topsy-turvy world of this year's playoffs. You may be looking at the paper and thinking "I guess the Yankees have another off day… that's what, a week of them in a row? At least they're well-rested.
Never fear. To better serve our readers and enhance shareholder value, we've compiled a list of who you should be cheering for, and why:
| Fan of | Cheer for | Why |
| Astros | Giants | Loved seeing LaRussa get ass handed to him after seeing him twenty times during season. |
| Athletics | Angels | Cross-bay rivals must be stopped. |
| Blue Jays | Angels | If the team that beats the Yankees wins Series, Steinbrenner goes insane. |
| Braves | Giants | Only NL team not to have knocked Braves out of playoffs in last ten years. |
| Brewers | Angels | By knocking off Twins, prevented further Selig-related embarassment in Metrodome. |
| Cardinals | Angels | Ill feelings after Barry Bonds' clutch performances. |
| Cubs | Giants | Annoying work ethic-centered Angels set bad example. |
| Devil Rays | Angels | No franchise is without hope if the Angels can get to the World Series. |
| Diamondbacks | Giants | Old timers remember New York Gothams fondly. |
| Dodgers | Angels | Not permitted to cheer for Giants. |
| Expos | Whoever | There aren't any fans in Montreal anyway. Even Jonah lives on the West Coast and goes to Angels games. |
| Indians | Giants | If Barry can be this good this old, maybe Thome will have career year when Tribe's good again. |
| Mariners | Giants | @#$@#% Rally Monkey kept Mariners out of playoffs. |
| Marlins | Death | Franchise still in Loria hands. |
| Mets | Angels | Beat the Yankees! |
| Orioles | Angels | Syd Thrift loves monkeys. |
| Padres | Angels | Had to see Bonds beat up on taped-together-rotation all year long. |
| Phillies | Giants | Jeff Kent reminds them of Mickey Morandini, in a weird way, sort of. |
| Pirates | Giants | Kent-Bonds relationship reminds them of "We Are Family" teams. |
| Rangers | Angels | You try and go .500 in the AL West. |
| Red Sox | Angels | The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Knocking the Yankees out early makes you my best friend. |
| Reds | Giants | Gives hope it's not too late for Griffey to become Best Player Ever. |
| Rockies | Giants | Winning Super Bowl forces teams to lose starting lineup due to salary cap… right? |
| Royals | Angels | Maybe Muser was right all along with military analogies designed to get maximum effort from players. |
| Tigers | Angels | Trammell plans to bring similar scrappy play to talentless collection of scrubs. |
| Twins | Angels | Must root for nearly identical, hard-nosed-playing, uniform-dirtying guys. |
| White Sox | Angels | Moderately talented squad with few huge contracts gives hope to fans of Reisdorf-owned, ill-managed club. |
| Yankees | Giants | Angels win, entire NY braintrust replaced with members of Steinbrenner's home tribe. |
Hoping this helps you through these chaotic times,
Derek
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