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Chat: Cespedes Family BBQ

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Welcome to Baseball Prospectus' Wednesday August 06, 2014 4:30 PM ET chat session with Cespedes Family BBQ.

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Jordan Shusterman and Jake Mintz are Cespedes Family BBQ, a multi-media, cross-platform, viral-marketing project funded by Andy Warhol's estate. Or, perhaps, just a baseball blog, Twitter account and podcast. Ask them anything!

Cespedes Family BBQ: Hello and welcome to our first ever chat here on Baseball Prospectus. There are already dozens of ridiculous questions in the queue, and we're gonna go until Jake's mother calls us in for dinner. Because we are two people we will try to highlight exactly who is answering which question.

Daniel B (KY): Explain the name.

Cespedes Family BBQ: A few years ago when he was still a free agent, Yoenis Cespedes made an amazing showcase video called The Showcase. At the end of his 20 minute workout session there is a clip of him roasting an entire pig over an open fire with his family.

And the rest was history. (Lame and unimportant history, but history nonetheless)

http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/about/

MetsFaithful5 (Syracuse): Whats the potential outlook for Steven Matz?

Cespedes Family BBQ: After his career ends at the age of 34, Steven Matz will take a year off and live at his grandparents house on Long Island, where he will indulge in some of the finest bagels known to man. Then he will spend a year as a backup left defender for the Slovakian national hockey team, which he will easily make because his middle name is Jakob. No not Jacob, but Jakob, which, along with the name Petr, is one of the world's top Slovakian names.

Due to a lack of playing time a disappointed Steven Matz will return to the United States to start a small business. Unable to secure a loan from the local bank, Matz will turn to Kickstarter to fund his new company, Steven's Matz, which specialized in creating, designing, and distributing the most hip and modern door mats on the market. Thanks in part to a large donation from a 56 year old Craig Goldstein, Matz's business will take off. He will run the company for 40 years before retiring to Clinton, Iowa. He will, at some point, die and the doormat community will miss him dearly.

Tim (Washington): Are you guys signed to BP?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Still holding out for our above slot demands. Might go to JuCo. Scott Boras is busy so we found a Russian dude at the train station named Boris and he'll be our agent from now on.

hamsterjockey (DC): Jordan and Jake, what are your favorite shirseys that you own? What makes a great shirsey in your opinions?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jake: I have a Lastings Milledge Yalkut Swallows shirsey that I got in Tokyo. Also a Stetson Allie State College Spikes. Also a brown Jedd Gyorko Padres.

Jordan: Felix Hernandez Aqua Sox. Orix Blue Wave So Taguchi.

We both own black XL Ryan Doumit Pirates Shirseys.

A shirsey is the perfect buy for any baseball fan. Cheap, stylish, and ugly they are great.

MikeTatlock (Waterloo, Ontario): Forget positions players pitching, which baseball players would you most want to see play shortstop?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Bartolo Colon is the obvious answer, but considering that he was actually a shortstop at one point for a professional baseball team, I would want to see if Michael Morse could channel some of the his old awkward bearded magic.

Connor (Baltimore): How many Jose Altuves do you think you could fit inside of a Prince Fielder??

Cespedes Family BBQ: Probably none. Statistically it would work, but the logistics of it all wouldn't be worth it for the Astros or the Rangers.

John (Chicago): Are you buying Odorizzi, deGrom, or Porcello as a top 30 starter next year?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Considering we are college students on a college budget, I'm not sure we can afford all three so I'll take deGrom.

Not Matt Ball (Not Montana): Who is your favorite twitter personality besides yourselve(s) between the ages of 19 0/4 and 19 3/4 years old?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Definitely not Matt Ball, so probably Not Matt Ball.

willrich116 (Savannah, TN): What are your thoughts on the Reds standing pact at the deadline?

Cespedes Family BBQ: I think their agreement to stand will hurt them down the stretch because of leg soreness. #StandingPact

Manuel (Manchester): If instead if playing football, Manchester City came over to the states and played a baseball game, who plays what positions and what's the batting order?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jake: We don't have time do to the whole team, but Kompany is at 3rd, Hart is on the bump, and Dzeko is breaking bats over his knee and barreling over water coolers.

kaestner (Milwaukee): What would you rather do: get hit in the face by a Cespedes Home Run Derby bat flip, or get burned by the grill at a Cespedes family BBQ?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Is there any way we can rotate the two on and off for the rest of our lives.

Andrew (CT): Do you guys do this for fun? Or is baseball writing a career aspiration?

Cespedes Family BBQ: We 100% do this for fun and it is a career aspiration. Baseball is a game and we feel that sometimes people take it a little too seriously. So until we have to start buying mortgages and baby bottles and rhubarb and other old people things we plan on continuing what we've been doing.

Jake (Baltimore ): Would you agree that Mike Trout needs to take some tips from B.J. Upton to improve his swing and break out of his slump?

Cespedes Family BBQ: I would disagree with you because Mike Trout is really good at hitting and B.J. Upton is really bad at hitting, but I see your point though!

Chris (Washington DC): Lucas Giolito - Buy or Sell?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Neither. Human slavery is a black mark on world history, but yes, Lucas Giolito is really really really really good.

Thomas (Toronto): Would you rather see Bartolo in the home run derby, or Puig start the all star game as a pitcher?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Bartolo in the derby no doubt. When we were on the field for BP last week at Citi Field, Bartolo hit a ball off the wall on a line and on the next pitch broke his bat by grounding one to third.

Bill (Canada): Which MLB player would you like to see be the first person to step on Mars?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Caleb Thielbar

Matt Provost (Bedford, NH): Do you think that Cespedes will re-sign with the Sox? If not, why wouldn't he?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Like many Cubans, Yoenis is not the biggest fan of cold weather.
But like many humans, Yoenis is a huge fan of money. If the Sox are willing to drop dough on our muscular hero, he might stick around for a while.

nahlikcj (Detroit, MI): What's your favorite ballpark that you've been to?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jake: PNC Park

Jordan: PNC Park

Cat walking outside Jake's house: PNC Park

GilaMonster (Boston): What are your thoughts on Craig Goldstein?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Craig gets a lot of crap on the internets, but the thing about Craig is that he's actually an amazingly nice dude. He is caring, kind, thoughtful and intelligent. There are few people in this world I trust more than Craig Goldstein and I really mean that.

Tanner (Nebraska): Is there anything Yuniesky Betancourt could beat Barry Bonds at?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Hot dog eating contest?
Mario Kart Double Dash, but not the original Mario Kart (Yuni thrives on his ability to swap powers)
Bunting
Parcheesi

Bekah Ansbro (Woodstock, VA): What player would you feel the most uncomfortable around if you were alone with said player?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jake McGee. Lefties with velo give me the chills.

Scott (SC): 12 team roto dynasty league. Standard 5x5 keep whole roster. Guy wants give me Bogaerts and Archie Bradley for Baez. Do I have to do this? Fluctuating between 1st and 2nd right now. Already have D. Gordon, Dozier, and Utley. Only Hanley at SS. Would probably drop Calhoun, J.D. Martinez, Duda, or C.J. Wilson.

Cespedes Family BBQ: Pull the trigger. Baez won't have a good WHIP for the rest of the year.

Tomsegal (NYC): What brand of adult diaper do you recommend geared more toward comfort than functionality when viewing Lucas Giolito for the first time in person?

Cespedes Family BBQ: We haven't been adults long enough to know anything about adult diapers. This is probably a better question for Jason Parks.

Charlie (Rockville): I bet you Barry Bonds could bunt that baseball over them mountains

Cespedes Family BBQ: Oh the ones over there *points to mountaints* Yeah probably.

Duck (Vancouver): Why do Ryan Doumit's eyes stare right into my soul.

Cespedes Family BBQ: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/tag/ryan-doumits-eyes/

JZ (Baltimore): What is your opinion on Ender Inciarte? What comes to mind when you see that name.

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jordan: Yu-Gi-Oh

Jake: He sounds like some sort of Dragon Trainer from the Hunger Games

Andrew Mearns (Baltimore): Of the countless names you've picked during your B-Ref Wars on the Barbecast, which has been each of your favorites? If that's too hard to narrow down, how about just naming a few?

Cespedes Family BBQ: These are all baseball players' names. Squiz Pillion. Vianello Drinkwater. Dip Orange. Spot Poles. Van Lingle Mungo. Shagowash Graves. Harry Colliflower. Whammy Douglas. Creepy Crespi. Elmo Welp. Double Duty Radcliffe (look up his story) Bad News Hall, Cat Eye and of course, Pretzels Getzien.

@Mariners (Safeco Field): Safeco Field Garlic Fries - Buy or Sell?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Buy and then sell to make a buck on the open market. We are businessmen and we will sell your garlic fries on the concourse.

James (CA): Something ridiculous?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Young Joe Mauer: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_i4DDjPc62mw/SrMgIUTnZ8I/AAAAAAAABxg/PUODfF2QrSk/s400/a_joe_i.jpg

Steve (NY): If you could swap names with a current minor-leaguer, who would it be/

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jordan: Anthony Bemboom

Jake: Spencer Kieboom

Michael (CT): What other position players do you want to see pitch

Cespedes Family BBQ: Rafael Furcal, Jean Segura, Delmon Young, Babe Ruth, but he's dead.

Kyle (Blacksburg): If Max Scherzer were to only have one color of eyes, god forbid, would you rather him have the cool blue or chocolate brown?

Cespedes Family BBQ: This is a fantastic question and now I want a custom box of Crayola crayons with baseball themed colors. Here's the box:

-Scherzer Blue
-Scherzer Brown
-Doumit Deep Black Eyes
-Schilling Sock Red
-Kris Bryant Robins Egg Blue
-Clayton Kershaw's Alien Blood Silver

As for your actual question I would choose the chocolate brown. - Jake

@realadamtaylor (California): What would Puig's WWE name be?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Other than Puig Destroyer he could be:

-YasiHELL Raiser
-Really Cold Steve Austin
-Matt Kemp

Alex (Milwaukee): Hey whats your guys deal anyways?

Cespedes Family BBQ: We are two college students from DC who started a baseball blog. We specialize in the sillier side of the game, but we know a fair bit about the ins, outs, ups, and downs of the sport. Like did you know that Jim Abbott has two career hits and they were both off Jon Lieber in two different games that were three weeks apart?

Yo (West of Rehoboth): What's for dinner at the BBQ BBQ?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jordan's favorite food is anything that rhymes with Baconator so Baconator.

I prefer a nice Cucumber gazpacho to cool myself off during the hot summer months. - Jake

Wooster (Big Poop): Which GM has the best chance of beating up an MLB player, and who is that player, and why do you think a GM could beat him up?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Even though he isn't a GM I would have to say Jack McKeon because he has the kind of experience you can't find anywhere else. He could probably beat up Ty Cobb because Ty Cobb isn't doing that much moving right now.

Charlie (Rockville): Which is piece of memorabilia that I own is worth more - Mike Morse Nats Bobblehead - Joba Chamberlain Yankees shirsey

Cespedes Family BBQ: That's a really tough question, but we'll say the Mike Morse Nats Bobblehead because there are a lot of weird people out there that are completely enthralled with the concept of a stationary figurine with a moving head.

canada (Canada): Do you like Cespedes' twitter name (ynscspds)? What would you change it to if not?

Cespedes Family BBQ: His Twitter handle feels like he was taking notes in High School history class and didn't have time to write down any vowels so he just left them out. I would change it to @YoKnows52 or @IAmDaBes52 or @CespedesBBQ

Mysterious (South of Baltimore): Secret source says that Jake was once an Astro fan. True? and if yes, what gives?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Yes, I used to be an Astro fan in between the ages of 9 and 12. Being raised as an Orioles fan in the 2000's was not an easy prospect so naturally I gravitated towards a team that actually was interested in winning baseball games. Once I realized that I had absolutely zero emotionally connection to the Astros I came to my senses and returned to the bird.

Craig Goldstein (DC): Do you want to get lunch on Friday? Before my chat?

Cespedes Family BBQ: We both have work until three, but we are off for lunch at like 11:30 to 12:30. If you wanna swing by camp in the morning you should. It'll be a good time.

Cris E (St Paul, MN): What would you rather see in a new park, 480' power alleys but 280' down the lines, $1 beers or $1 tickets?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Assuming you meant to write 580' power alleys and 180' down the lines, then definitely that. We are very much in favor of extreme parks. Our favorite one in the minor leagues is Asheville (Low-A for the Rockies). It's 373' to dead center field and 320' to right center. We want more of that, except crazier.

Me (Somewhere): Is it fair to say Adam Dunn could establish himself as the White Sox frontline ace in the next 2-3 years?

Cespedes Family BBQ: He is almost definitely more durable than Chris Sale, so bring it on. At least put him in the bullpen where he can really air it out and showcase his premier stuff.

k3o3r9n0 (Waltham): What's your dream baseball road trip? Also, what's your nightmare baseball road trip?

Cespedes Family BBQ: The dream baseball trip that we've discussed (and might attempt next year) is Petco Park to Safeco Field. The nightmare baseball road trip is probably something like Midland, Texas to Orem, Utah...or something.

Tommy (Bullpen): Jake, favorite bullpen game??

Cespedes Family BBQ: Probably pitching to a catcher who then throws the ball back to me. And then I pitch the ball to the catcher again. It's repetitive, but most people in the bullpen seem to enjoy it.

Mike (Chicago): Who would you take in a Swingoff between Russell Branyan and Willy Mo Pena

Cespedes Family BBQ: There are very few situations in which you don't want Wily Mo Pena on your side.

Charlie (Berkeley): Which player would be the best 3rd grade teacher?

Cespedes Family BBQ: David Murphy seems like the obvious answer here.

Frazer ((Exeter, UK)): How many pitches would Nick Tepesch have to throw before he struck out 2000-2003 era Barry Bonds? And how many Dingers would Bonds have hit before three strikes went past him?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Wonderful question. Does the at-bat start over if/when Bonds hits a dinger? If that's the case, I could see 40+ pitches.

Patrick (Seattle): Jordan, what's the best analogy to describe being a Mariners fan that you can come up with?

Cespedes Family BBQ: It could take several more decades of losing before we can properly identify an accurate analogy. There was something very surreal about watching a playoff contender bat Endy Chavez leadoff for over a month straight.

elwinzer (Houston, TX): With Josh Hader's increased velocity (touches 95) and by all accounts improved command and control of his change do you still believe his ceiling is back end of the rotation starter? I've also read reports that his delivery is as deceptive as they come. Basically what I'm saying is I'm not sure how you come to the conclusion that Hader's ceiling is that low. Please enlighten me.

Cespedes Family BBQ: We're not scouts, so our evaluations of him should be taken with several thousands of grains of salt. However, we saw him in Wilmington at the Carolina/California League All-Star Game and looked really good in his one inning of work. The stuff about the deceptive delivery is accurate; it's hard to really explain without seeing it live but it's almost like the ball is coming from behind his head. I think we should just wait and see what he can do at the upper levels of the minors before concluding anything about his ceiling.

@wesyee (Riding Shotgun with Jason Parks' Favorite Clown): If you were forced to BBQ and eat one piece of baseball equipment what would it be?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Jordan: Austin Hedges' EvoShield

Jake: BBQ sunflower seeds

Jack (Chicago): Baez? Baez. Baez!!!

Cespedes Family BBQ: (Baez) [Baez] Baez; Baez*

J-Peso (New Jersey): Which two baseball player active or not would you like to see participate in a bowling competition?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Chad Bradford would probably dominate. Josh Collmenter would be fun to watch bowl if forced to bowl from his ridiculously high arm slot.

Greg (Lexington): You can watch either Joey Gallo, Wily Mo Pena, or Carlos Peguero take BP before a game. Which one do you choose?

Cespedes Family BBQ: These are the kinds of personal questions that we do not feel comfortable answering during this chat.

(Carlos Peguero).

Greg (Lexington): You can watch either Joey Gallo, Wily Mo Pena, or Carlos Peguero take BP before a game. Which one do you choose?

Cespedes Family BBQ: These are the kinds of personal questions that we do not feel comfortable answering during this chat.

(Carlos Peguero).

Sean (Twitter): What active player would you least want to face off against in a competitive game of Scramble?

Cespedes Family BBQ: If you mean Scrabble, I feel like Charlie Furbush knows an obscene number of ridiculous words. If you mean Scramble...I don't know what you're talking about.

Jose Canseco (someplace): If you could direct a movie about Cuban ballplayers, who would you want to play Puig and Cespedes?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Puig would play Cespedes and Cespedes would play Puig.

Turkey (Chicago, IL): Who has the best beard in baseball amongst current MLB players?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Having recently been dangerously close to it at Citi Field, Lucas Duda's facial hair situation is our new favorite.

Baklava (Middle of Nowhere, OH): Jordan, I know you had rather lukewarm feelings towards Billy Hamilton before the season started. (Mostly related to his less-than-stellar ability to get on base, practically nullifying his ridiculous run tool)Were you surprised by some of his production this season? Do you think he will to continue to improve, and more importantly, do you think he ever hit well enough to establish him as a player known for more than his speed?

Cespedes Family BBQ: He's already outperformed pretty much everyone's expectations as an offensive player, but I'm just hoping it eventually gets bad enough to the point where he literally is bunting every single time he bats. Defenses would bring their outfielders in to play infield and shift their infields into prepare for the bunt. It would be wonderful.

Loren (Prague): Which of these Mosses would you rather have; Randy, Kate or Brandon?

Cespedes Family BBQ: Probably the best question so far. They all provide REALLY REALLY REALLY different skill sets. Ranked, we're gonna go with what you said: Randy, Kate, and then Brandon. Brandon Moss is basically still a platoon guy, and I would not want to be the guy to tell Randy Moss he is is going to be part of a platoon. Kate Moss is definitely the most consistent of these three, especially when it comes to not being a professional athlete, but we're taking Randy for the upside.

Andre Ethier (Angel Stadium): Why am I still on the Dodgers?

Cespedes Family BBQ: I don't know, Andre Ethier. I really don't know.

Cespedes Family BBQ: This concludes our first ever BP chat. Hopefully we'll do it again soon. We have to go eat dinner with real people that are not on the internet. Thanks for joining us! #YoKnows


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