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Prospectus Hit List for July 11



by Matt Sussman

Hit List for July 10 Hit List for July 12
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

Lose yourself in the Hit List the jokin' you own it you better never let it go

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

50

40

53.9

59.2

58.8

.592

.611

90.2%

2.8%

93.0%

2.2%

6.0%

Bruce Rondon with convenient spacing spells "Bruce Ron Don," which means the closer of their future is the sum of your three coolest uncles.
2

56

37

55.7

54.9

54.6

.564

.584

66.2%

23.5%

89.7%

0.3%

-0.4%

Congratulations to David Ortiz for setting the record of "most hits without having to field." He will be rewarded with a golden dugout bench, and by "will" I mean "should."
3

52

40

51.7

54.6

55.0

.556

.575

21.6%

45.6%

67.2%

4.0%

26.5%

Ben Zobrist is continuing to show off his versatility. Sometimes he gets the game-winning hit. Sometimes he doesn't. He can do it all.
4

53

38

48.7

48.8

48.7

.545

.564

49.9%

29.6%

79.5%

-5.8%

2.3%

I guess it's possible to say Yu Darvish is the "second person" on the disabled list. I'm going to keep nudging you until you get this joke.
5

54

38

52.5

51.8

50.2

.544

.564

47.6%

33.6%

81.2%

-4.0%

9.0%

No truth to the rumor of Wednesday's game being delayed due to Bartolo Colon running out a groundball from Tuesday's game.
6

55

34

57.9

56.7

54.9

.578

.558

55.0%

41.5%

96.5%

0.3%

1.8%

They're last in the league in stolen bases, which will happen when speedsters like Pujols and Berkman opt for free agency.
7

44

46

45.8

47.8

46.5

.535

.555

2.5%

7.8%

10.3%

1.3%

-0.3%

Look, it's Josh Hamilton's first multi-home run game of the year, which is totally worth another shampoo commercial.
8

51

40

52.4

54.0

54.0

.565

.545

15.1%

65.4%

80.5%

-1.5%

-11.6%

Shin-Soo Choo hasn't been hit by a pitch all month. If he doesn't get nicked by a pitch soon, he's going to forget how to feel pain.
9

49

42

45.6

42.2

42.7

.525

.544

6.2%

26.0%

32.3%

7.9%

-0.6%

When do teams start considering intentionally walking Lyle Overbay with the bases loaded?
10

52

39

54.6

54.5

52.4

.550

.530

83.8%

5.9%

89.7%

-1.5%

-4.0%

First five games for Justin Upton: 5 home runs, 21 PA. Last 64 games: 5 home runs, 284 PA. Justin Upton clearly does more damage while under pressure to file his taxes.
11

45

45

42.9

45.2

44.2

.548

.528

54.9%

2.0%

56.9%

8.8%

20.3%

Their two most valuables players according to WARP are Hanley Ramirez and Yasiel Puig, each whom have played fewer than half their team's games. What a goofy team.
12

54

36

50.5

49.9

51.4

.541

.521

29.8%

60.6%

90.4%

1.6%

-3.9%

It took the entire dawn of history, but they finally beat the Oakland Athletics in their 12th game against them.
13

47

44

47.1

45.3

46.0

.500

.520

8.7%

9.6%

18.3%

-7.6%

-19.2%

Nick Swisher didn't fall down, so it was a good day.`
14

50

42

48.3

47.2

48.0

.498

.518

5.6%

16.7%

22.4%

1.5%

-20.4%

Manny Machado hit a triple, which was like a double that went through puberty. Here, watch this instructional video to see what your double is going through.
15

44

46

44.2

41.9

43.8

.495

.515

0.4%

3.6%

4.0%

1.1%

-1.6%

Hi, you've reached the Corey Hotline. 4.95 loonies a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory, Story, Munenori
16

47

44

44.5

43.1

42.9

.517

.497

14.2%

15.9%

30.1%

4.9%

15.0%

They went 0-for-16 against Philly this series with runners in scoring position, so it's all solo homers from here on out.
17

43

45

44.3

38.5

39.2

.472

.492

1.0%

0.9%

1.9%

-0.9%

-0.9%

Of course Greg Holland is their closer. If you remember back in history class, Holland is a monarchy.
18

47

44

46.5

43.9

43.9

.504

.484

32.1%

3.7%

35.7%

-8.5%

-2.2%

Heath Bell couldn't be less popular in Arizona if he left his sprinklers on all day.
19

40

51

38.3

42.1

42.3

.462

.482

0.0%

0.2%

0.2%

0.0%

-0.1%

I reckon few would object to letting Raul Ibaņez bring a chair or stool into left field for those lengthy night games.
20

44

48

46.2

47.8

45.6

.484

.464

9.2%

0.6%

9.8%

0.6%

-3.9%

No, this isn't a Wiccan altar dedicated to bringing Roger Clemens into the Rockies rotation. It's rude of you to assume.
21

40

50

39.4

42.9

43.8

.482

.462

3.0%

0.5%

3.5%

-1.3%

-8.9%

The good news for Matt Cain is the California state legislature just recently decriminalized "failure to complete an inning against the Mets."
22

35

53

37.1

38.1

36.6

.440

.459

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

We're going to start calling Dylan Axelrod "The Poet Mechanic" until we change our mind or receive a cease and desist letter, whichever comes last.
23

40

49

43.4

44.4

44.6

.477

.458

0.0%

0.6%

0.6%

-1.1%

-0.2%

How does one sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" at Wrigley Field with the home team down 10 runs without sobbing uncontrollably?
24

37

51

38.3

39.5

40.0

.429

.449

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

Aaron Hicks is starting to finally play well for a rookie, and extremely well for a balding rookie.
25

40

48

41.2

40.0

39.7

.467

.447

0.3%

0.9%

1.2%

0.1%

0.4%

How does a team go 10 below .500 at home and two over .500 on the road? Simple: the Citi Field home clubhouse is infested with gremlins.
26

45

47

40.7

41.7

42.0

.464

.445

1.7%

2.4%

4.1%

-1.7%

1.4%

Cliff Lee throws 76 pitches, lasts seven innings, throws 12 balls, gives up four home runs, and we're supposed to believe this is true?
27

37

53

38.1

40.6

41.9

.453

.434

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.0%

Perhaps they should start filling their baseball bats with light beer. It wouldn't improve their offense, but it would get people's interest.
28

41

51

40.6

40.3

40.1

.452

.432

0.9%

0.1%

1.0%

-0.7%

-4.3%

If the ball gets trapped in Andrew Cashner's beard, the pitch should be a do-over.
29

32

59

31.6

27.0

29.2

.360

.379

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

A solitary Chris Carter will continue to mash home runs until someone notices.
30

33

57

34.3

31.8

32.3

.394

.375

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

"Jacob Turner Standup Triple" certainly needs to be a name for something. Does Pitbull have a backup band?