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The Monday Takeaway

It’s just before 1 a.m. ET as I’m writing this, and the Dodgers have scored 17 runs. It’s the bottom of the sixth inning. Matt Kemp is 5 for 5.

I don’t know what the final score of this game is. You see, I’m not staying up to watch the end of this, as much as I would like to. I’m turning into an old man. I have to be up in the morning, and I know I’m going to be up late too.

As much as I enjoy stupid-crazy West Coast games, every man has a breaking point. Here is where I draw my personal and wholly inconsequential line in the sand. I have made my stand against steak cooked above medium-rare, bands that for all the world seem to make music designed purely to be picked up for use in commercials, and 1 a.m. blowout baseball with a long day awaiting me.

There are many resources through which you, dear reader, can divine the final score of this monstrosity. More power to you. For now, though, I take my leave.

Watch Joc Pederson and Max Muncy do some dingers.

 

There were, as you would imagine, other dingers hit in this game. It’s hard to score 17 runs without them.

Perhaps that could be a fun challenge for the Dodgers tonight. Do this again, but without the home runs.

Perhaps I’m delirious and need to sleep.

Wait, I woke up and the Pirates are using an actual pitcher in the bottom of the 8th inning. This is violence.

Back to bed for me.

Quick Hits from Monday

Walking Brad Miller on four pitches? Yeah, you deserve to lose.

 

Shrimp! Would you like yours scampi, grilled and skewered, or perhaps in a delicious soup? The Brewers, of course, had theirs fried in a beer batter.

This was of course just one of the many inventive mockeries of the sport this game featured. I mean that in a good way.

 

So if Juan Soto is the Childish Bambino, what’s Ronald Acuña’s nickname?

 

That’s a game-winning extra-inning bomb for the kid. I hereby name him, uh, err…

You know what, maybe it’s best to crowdfund this. Sound off in the comments.

***

This is ostensibly a highlight about the Tigers beating the Blue Jays, but pay close attention to who’s playing third base here.

 

That’s Kendrys Morales, Third Baseman. He was already playing first, and then Justin Smoak pinch-hit in the previous inning, and, well, there you go. It seems to be his first appearance at third base ever, at any professional level.

Little miracles happen every day, if you know where to look for them.

Defensive Play of the Day

It’s good to have Keon Broxton back.

 

Unless you’re Joe Mauer, that is.

What to Watch on Tuesday

Afternoon baseball! Start off with the Tigers and Cubs going at it at 2:20 ET. It’ll be Michael Fulmer and Kyle Hendricks, which would have been one hell of a pitching matchup last year. Oh well.

Check out the inter-Texas grudge match at 8:10 p.m. when the Astros and Rangers throw Dallas Keuchel and Austin Bibens-Dirx. Yes, Keuchel is the one with the higher ERA.

Then for your West Coast game, we recommend the Angels and Mariners, almost entirely because it’s a Wade LeBlanc game.

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Nicholas Stanton
7/03
Acuna Matata? Peaches and Creams (GA reference)? Wreck 'em Ron? Ronald McDinger? Ron Battingly? Ronnie 'Big Wood' (Stones reference but could replace Wood with Jeremy to same effect)? Ron Ronnie Ron? Nerves? The Dude? (references to his 'never getting nervous) El Bebe? El Nino? The Shocka from Caracas? The Taira from Guaira (apparently it's a weasel)? Hank 2.0? New Hank (new coke reference and I like the Aaron comps)?

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