With the year winding to a close, Baseball Prospectus is revisiting some of our favorite articles of the year. This was originally published on October 31, 2016.
PRODUCER: [into headset] Okay and we’re live in 5…4…3… [silent counts 2…1]
PETE ROSE: i'm about to roast this sucker
FRANK THOMAS: what was that song the band Live did in the 90s…Lightning Crashes? that was good
KEVIN BURKHARDT: Welcome back from that segment of From The Vault a-
ROSE: He owns a whole chain of hardware stores now…
THOMAS: it’s a good song but idk about placenta as a lyric. Not many songs have placenta as a lyric
RODRIGUEZ: don’t bite on pete’s taunt. don’t do it, alex. practice your mantra: calm. cool. collected. centaur.
ROSE: …What’s your favorite tool, buddy?
THOMAS: “her intentions fall to the floor” that’s some great imagery though. i don’t know what her intentions are in this case, but hey
RODRIGUEZ: ignore it, just let Kevin handle it
ROSE: oh he thinks he can ignore me? i’m gonna the patented Old Man Arm Press: Do you have a favorite tool
RODRIGUEZ: i wish i could call him a tool right now, WAIT-
BURKHARDT: Yeah he’s a plumber too, didn’t ya notice?
THOMAS: ooohhh I feel it, coooomming back agaiiin
RODRIGUEZ [rounds on Pete]: YEAH. YOU! [Maniacal laugh]
THOMAS: like a roll of thunder, chasing the wind
BURKHARDT [morphing into Santa]: OH HO HO HO HO HO HO [shares a high five with Alex]
THOMAS: forces pulling from the center of the earth again, i can f- wait what is everyone laughing at? be cool be cool just laugh with them, think frank what were we talking about? that commercial, okay, you’re fine just laugh
ROSE: that motherf- smile for the cameras Pete
THOMAS: i’m going to have to say something, i haven’t said anything in minutes. we’re all just laughing about hardware just chime in and no one will notice
RODRIGUEZ: i'm going to make this old coot high five my own of h-
ROSE: [Pulls high five back] too slow sucker
BURKHARDT: [loud gasp for air]
THOMAS: now’s your chance frank: HARDWARE
After FOX airs old A-Rod hardware commercial, Pete Rose asks if he has a favorite tool.
A-Rod: "Yeah, you!" pic.twitter.com/1bUQDsG5l4
— Kenny Ducey (@KennyDucey) October 29, 2016
Special thanks to Kenny Ducey for making this clip possible