This is Barack Obama talking to Bostonians about the Kevin Youkilis trade. It goes pretty well, I guess.
Now I hope you'll all go into the comments and scream at each other about politics. Ohhhh boy there's nothing that makes my day like strangers on the internet screaming at each other about politics.
Thank you for reading
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Needless to say, I was not on the debate team in college.
So naturally Dick Nixon would know the O's substitute backstop.
Well done, all of you!
2005-2012 non-competition cannot be solely blamed on Americans, but I still hold a grudge.
HERE'S AN ILL-ADVISED PICTURE OF YOUKILIS IN A SHERMAN TANK, ILLUSTRATING HOW ILL-EQUIPPED HE IS TO LEAD OUR COUNTRY-SLASH-BASEBALL-TEAM
I'M NOT ASKING YOU WHO SOUNDS LIKE DUKAKIS.
WHO'S ON FIRST!
I DON'T KNOW.
THIRD BASE!!!
"THE RED SOX SHOULD GET RID OF YOUKILIS, HAVE ONE MASTER JANITOR, AND PAY LOCAL STUDENTS TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM. THE KIDS WOULD ACTUALLY DO WORK; THEY'D HAVE CASH, THEY'D HAVE PRIDE IN THE RED SOX."
Rick Santorum:
"IT'S NOT, YOU KNOW, MAN ON CHILD, MAN ON DOG, MAN ON YOUKILIS, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE"
Michelle Bachman:
"I WILL TELL YOU THAT I HAD A MOTHER LAST NIGHT COME UP TO ME AFTER THE DEBATE. SHE TOLD ME THAT KEVIN YOUKILIS TOOK THAT VACCINE, THAT INJECTION, AND HE SUFFERED FROM MENTAL RETARDATION EVER SINCE."
Rick Perry:
"THREE GUYS WITH THE RED SOX, WHEN I GET THERE, THAT ARE GONE: KEVIN YOUKILIS, THEO EPSTEIN, AND -- WHO'S THE THIRD ONE THERE? LET'S SEE -- OK. SO YOUKILIS, EPSTEIN AND -- THE THIRD ONE -- YOUKILIS, EPSTEIN, AND -- I CAN'T. SORRY. OOPS."
Florida Rep. Alan West:
"KEVIN YOUKILIS SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BOSTON, AND YES I SAID HELL!"
Herman Cain:
"OK, YOUKILIS. [pause] PRESIDENT OBAMA SUPPORTED THE TRADE, RIGHT? PRESIDENT OBAMA CALLED FOR THE REMOVAL OF YOUKILIS. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING BEFORE I SAY, 'YES, I AGREED' OR NO I DIDN'T AGREE.'
I DO NOT AGREE WITH THE WAY OBAMA HANDLED YOUKILIS FOR THE FOLLOWING REASON — NOPE, THAT'S A DIFFERENT ONE. [pause] I GOTTA GO BACK AND SEE. I GOT ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT YOUKILIS TWIRLING AROUND IN MY HEAD."
More Herman Cain:
"E-9, E-9, E-9."
Sarah Palin:
"I CAN SEE KEVIN YOUKILIS FROM MY BACK YARD."
John McCain:
"KEVIN YOUKILIS IS ABOUT TO CRATER."
And of course, Mitt Romney:
"I LIKE FIRING KEVIN YOUKILIS."
"Aawwwww --- shucky-youki!!!!!"
George W. Bush: "I'M TELLING YOU THERE'S AN ENEMY THAT WOULD LIKE TO ATTACK AMERICA, AMERICANS, AGAIN! THERE JUST IS! THAT'S THE REALITY OF THE WORLD. AND I WISH HIM THE BEST!" (sometimes, direct quotes ar the funniest)
Bill Clinton: "I DID NOT HAVE TRADE RELATIONS WITH THE WHITE SOX."
George H.W. Bush: "READ MY LIPS, NO MORE YOUK!"
Ronald Reagan: "I WONDER AT TIMES WHAT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE IF YOUKILIS HAD RUN THEM THROUGH THE US CONGRESS"
"SO?"