Sometimes I write about serious things. Today, for instance, I wrote about umpires. Umpires are usually pretty serious, because they know that if they smile they might look vulnerable, and then someone might throw a helmet at them. And yesterday, I wrote about the Astros, who are more serious than we thought they’d be.

But this post is not about something serious. This post is about what players with “ham” in their names would look like if they had hams for heads. So, inspired (if you can call it that) by Ham Rove and a mysterious minor leaguer from the 1930s known only as “Ham,” I give you:

Jason Hammel:

Josh Hamilton

Cole Hamels

Mike Hampton


Mark Hamburger

Can't escape the nagging feeling that some other food item might have made more sense here.

Bob Hamelin

I didn't have to touch this one. Bob Hamelin already looks like ham.

Remind me to update this post when someone comes up with a camera fast enough to capture Billy Hamilton’s whole body in a single still image.