…and sometimes you're just trying to confirm a simple little thing like the size of Brandon Beachy's college and you end up reading this:
Beachy was not selected in the feckin' 2008 major league draft followin' his junior year of college, but was later signed by the oul' Atlanta Braves as an undrafted free agent. Be the holy feck, this is a quare wan.
That's from something called Mick O'Pedia, "an adaption of the English Wikipedia in Hiberno-English dialect." And this is what Mick O'Pedia has to say about some familiar baseball topics.
On May 6, 2012 Harper was hit in the oul' lower back by Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels in the bleedin' first innin', fair play. Hamels admitted to hittin' him intentionally. In fairness now.  Bryce would steal home plate that same innin', but the Nationals lost the oul' game 9-3. In fairness now.
On Jeff Mathis:
His impressive 2009 playoff offensive statistics became important in his 2010 arbitration hearings. Jasus. In spite of poor regular season stats (.211 average), he used his strong playoff offensive performance and excellent defensive skill to bolster his case for a bleedin' raise to $1. Right so. 3 million, beatin' the oul' Angels management in arbitration. The arbitration hearin' was also somethin' of a feckin' watershed in the feckin' amount of consideration paid to Mathis' defensive statistics. Arra' would ye listen to this shite?
On Chone Figgins:
Figgins finished the feckin' season battin' only . Holy blatherin' Joseph, listen to this. 188. Bejaysus this is a quare tale altogether. , to be sure.
On Josh Hamilton:
On May 8, 2012, Hamilton went 5-for-5 with four home runs and a double for a holy total of 8 RBI against the oul' Baltimore Orioles. Here's another quare one for ye. In doin' this, he not only became just the bleedin' 16th player in Major League Baseball history to hit four home runs in one game and first since Carlos Delgado in 2003, but also now holds the bleedin' AL record for most total bases in an oul' game at 18. Jesus Mother of Chrisht almighty.
On J.D. Drew:
David Jonathan "J. Arra' would ye listen to this. D. Jaysis. " Drew (born November 20, 1975, in Valdosta, Georgia) is an American professional baseballright fielder who is a bleedin' free agent, fair play. He is a bleedin' left-handedhitter, and began his major league career in 1998 with the feckin' St. In fairness now. Louis Cardinals. Me head is hurtin' with all this raidin'. He is the feckin' older brother of the Arizona Diamondbacks shortstop Stephen Drew. Right so.
On Hawk Harrelson:
Harrelson is known for his catchphrases, also known as "Hawkisms", the shitehawk. In July 2010, GQ named Harrelson the bleedin' worst announcer in baseball. Bejaysus. He has stated publicly that he wants to die in the oul' booth durin' a feckin' game and that he will never, ever retire, would ye swally that? Hawk once calledJerry Sands the bleedin' next Mickey Mantle and compared Carlos Gomez to Rickey Henderson. I hope yiz are all ears now.
The growin' popularity of sabermetrics since the oul' early 1980s has brought more attention to two battin' statistics that sabermetricians argue are much better gauges of a feckin' batter's skill than battin' average:
§ On-base percentage measures a bleedin' batter's ability to get on base. G'wan now and listen to this wan. It is calculated by takin' the feckin' sum of the batter's successes in gettin' on base (hits plus walks plus hit by pitches) and dividin' that by the batter's total plate appearances (at bats plus walks plus hit by pitches plus sacrifice flies), except for sacrifice bunts.
§ Sluggin' percentage measures an oul' batter's ability to hit for power. It is calculated by takin' the bleedin' batter's total bases (one per each single, two per double, three per triple, and four per home run) and dividin' that by the bleedin' batter's at bats, like. 
On Baseball Prospectus:
Baseball Prospectus writers promote several theories on proper baseball management and analysis, many of which are contrary to those of conventional baseball wisdom. Sufferin' Jaysus.
Well that was a quare wan.