Last week, I asked people to put themselves into the Johnston-Murphys of
either Allard Baird or David Glass, prior to the trades of Jermaine Dye and
Rey Sanchez, and come up with a plan of action for the Kansas City Royals. I
had no idea of the scope of solutions from which people would choose to
addressing the problem. Most people took up the tactical gauntlet, and broke
things down on a move-by-move basis. One particularly creative reader (whom
I hope I never cross) suggested staking out the Atlanta Gold Club for
photo-ops, then using those as bargaining leverage to sign married players
at free-agent rates well below market value.

I want to thank everyone who spent the time and effort to create and share
this material. Some people really spent a lot of time carefully considering
actions–either how exactly Allard Baird should be exiled/jailed/sterilized,
or how an organization like the Royals should deal with what are likely to
be persistent challenges. More than 500 people sent in plans of one sort or
another. Thanks, and I’m sorry if I didn’t have time to respond privately.

Anyway, without further commentary from yours truly, here are some of the
ideas put forth by our Shadow GM Readership.

On-Field Management

  • Fire Tony Muser
  • Keelhaul Tony Muser
  • Send Tony Muser to OBP Re-education camp in Cambodia
  • Fire Tony Muser. Fire him again. Let the door hit him on the way out.
    Track him down and fire him again.

  • Sign Tony Muser up for hundreds of magazine subscriptions

Best capsule:

"Muser has failed to demonstrate an understanding of why baseball teams
win. He pays excessive attention to the few things he did well as a player,
without regard to their significance in terms of their impact on winning. A
new manager must understand that offense is more important than defense, and
that great offenses win games by scoring runs, not just by hitting the ball
to the right side to advance the runner to third base or by not striking

  • Hire Davey Johnson
  • Coax Davey Johnson out of retirement
  • Give Chris Chambliss a shot at managing
  • Find Tim Ireland and hire him to manage
  • Get Willie Randolph (?) as manager. Just someone who can teach baseball
    and hopefully has a clue (both things that don’t describe Muser)

  • Hire Dusty Baker away from the Giants
  • See if Tim Johnson’s done writing his memoirs, In The ‘Nam.
    Probably could get him pretty cheap.
Best capsule:

"The Royals are going to need a manager that can continue to develop
young players once they get to the majors. They need to get great seasons
out of young players, because no matter what, most of the players will be
too expensive to keep in years five and beyond."

The GM’s Chair

  • Fire Allard Baird
  • Send Allard Baird packing
  • If it’s not too much trouble, I really do suggest pushing Allard Baird
    out a window

Best Capsule:

"Fire Allard Baird. We don’t need to go down the list of deals and
acquisitions too far to prove this point. In fact, any list that includes
the name ‘Donnie Sadler‘ needs no further elaboration. The Royals
need to win."

  • Hire Paul DePodesta
  • Hire Paul DePodesta
  • Get Paul DePodesta from Oakland
  • Hire Eddie Epstein to be the GM
  • Hire a young GM who can adapt to change over time (DePodesta?)

Best Capsule:

"We know for sure that Kansas City is financially disadvantaged, and is
going to stay that way. We know for almost sure that the CBA is going to
change, probably a lot, over the next 30 years. So we need a GM who’s
creative, flexible, and understands business as well as baseball."

Organization, Culture, and Operation

  • Reward success and punish failure! Mark Quinn shouldn’t have been
    sent down last year for punitive reasons. He should be sent down now because
    he can’t tell a strike from an icy Fresca.

  • Get medieval on the coaching staff’s ass. Measure their effectiveness.
    Promote and retain the valuable, send the others off to advise Ed Wade in

  • Bring Back the Powder Blue!
  • The first step is to sell the owner on your plan. Convince him that an
    careful investment in winning will increase profitability and franchise

Best Capsules:

"The financial constraints the Royals face are in large part a result
of the inability to turn talented prospects into valuable major-league
players. The first step, therefore, has to be an overhaul of the team’s
minor-league system, brining in quality instructors from organizations more
sucessful than the Royals at scoring runs and preventing them from being
scored (Oakland, Chicago White Sox, New York Yankees…). Such an overhaul
will likely not be cheap, but it’s a lot less expensive than trying to buy
your way into contention with free agents. Additionally, a strong farm
system will provide resources down the road which can be translated into
hole-filling solutions when the core of team is ready to contend."

"Interview all minor-league staff and instructors, and check on how
their charges have done lately. Give pink slips to those who don’t emphasize
plate discipline for hitters, and throwing strikes for pitchers. Fire any
pitching coach who automatically distrusts a knuckleballer or
submariner–they need to be evaluated on the same criteria as anyone else. A
sick organizational tree needs to be fixed at the roots."

Fun Tactics and Quotes (May be offensive to our more sensitive

"Absolutely, positively, don’t sign guys like Jason Grimsley,
Paul Byrd, or Raul Ibanez to multi-year contracts. Look at how
you found these guys, and then ask yourself whether you really need to lock
up players like this or if maybe you could replace them in the same way you
found them in the first place. Then look at the multi-year deal you gave to
David McCarty if you need any more convincing."

"These suggestions are dedicated to the Great D’Angelo ‘Supa’ Star’
and the correlating revival occurring within the Padres
organization. You go, Diego! Capturing the NL West in 2002 with style."

"Are you sure we can’t start six weeks ago and re-do their draft? I
mean, if you ‘can’t develop young athletes into major-league talent’ then
you should be drafting differently instead of picking up more
high-school-aged 100 mph pitchers and defensive backs."

"Kansas City, in conjunction with the respectable McDonald’s franchise,
would launch a corporate promotional contest humorously titled ‘Will Walk
for Food.’ One contestant, selected randomly from a mailbag, would elect
three Royals position players. If all three managed to walk in a game, said
contestant would win 40 dollars’ worth of McDonald’s food. This seemingly
inane promotion would result in a societal mobilization for higher OBPs.
Outliers of the Gregg Zaun Fan Club would be banished from the fair city of

"Get Caller ID. If the call’s from Oakland, don’t pick up the

And, last but not least, for our less sensitive, more results-oriented

"1) Arrange a twin suicide for Allard Baird and Tony Muser.
2) Do not hire Bob Boone or Cam Bonifay.
3) Open champagne."

See ya next week.

Gary Huckabay is an author of Baseball Prospectus. You can contact him by
clicking here.

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