In the wake of Randy Johnson‘s three-game suspension for
throwing at Kenny Lofton‘s head (and did anyone else think
of Crocodile Dundee? “That’s not wild, mate. That’s
wild.”), the other professional sports have announced they
will follow the AL President Gene Budig‘s example of sitting
players down for similiarly significant lengths of time.

Today, the NBA suspended the entire Los Angeles Clipper
roster for the month of May, citing their status as an
embarrassment to the league. When it was pointed out that
the Clippers have never played a game in May, the league’s Dean
of Discipline Rod Thorn replied, “Maybe, but we had to do

While that press conference was ongoing, the NHL faxed out a
release, suspending Philadephia Flyers forward Eric Lindros
for the three days between the end of the regular season and
the Flyers’ first playoff game. Lindros had no comment, but
his father, never shy about meeting the press, called the
suspension a travesty and said his son would appeal immediately.
When it was pointed out that the suspension would not lead
to any missed games, the elder Lindros said only, “Oh.”

Not long afterward, the National League banged the gavel down
on Cubs rookie Kerry Wood, whose high hard one agitated Dodger
second baseman Eric Young on Saturday. Wood was suspended for
batting practice before the Cub-Dodger rematch Friday, and banned
from the post-game buffet for the entire weekend.

A late rumor has also came out of the suddenly active AL office.
Apparently, the Felix Martinez case may be re-opened, with the
likelihood that the Royals’ rookie shortstop will be suspended for
the entirety of the three-day All-Star break. This will force him
to decline an invitation to the Home Run Derby, as well as forfeit
his best event in the skills competition, the Baserunner Kick.

What did Johnson have to say about all of this? Nothing. He was
busy preparing for his next start.

Thank you for reading

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