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An investigation into the impulse to rap about your favorite baseball team.

We've got an extremely long way to go today, so I'm going to skip some forced framing device about a record exec trying to find the next Macklemore, and I'm going to skip the long explanation of how I'm not ripping off Grant Brisbee's amazing MLB Power Rankings series from a couple years ago. No framing device. And I am ripping it off. We'll survive, I hope.

What this is is an attempt to subcategorize a category of music that you probably didn't realize existed: Baseball Rap. I found a rap song for every MLB team. I listened to those songs, multiple times. And I've ranked them, here, from worst to best. As you scroll down, you will see that they are also grouped by subcategory. This is because the subcategories are themselves the driving hierarchical force. The best white guy doing fake rap, as like a joke, is still worse than the worst college kid trying sincerely to make something.

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January 28, 2013 5:00 am

Pebble Hunting: The Fantabulous Rap Extravaganza


Sam Miller

Be there for the rap battle.

There aren't a ton of rap lyrics about baseball. This is because baseball is the lamest sport in the world and you and I are the only people who like it. Skimming Rap Genius, I can find more than 100 rap lyrics about LeBron James, but there is literally not a single one that mentions Justin Verlander

So when a rapper does mention a baseball player, it must mean something, and we'd be fools to ignore whatever it means. So here are three of the most important questions in baseball today, as resolved by rappers:

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