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Prospectus Hit List for September 19



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for September 17 Hit List for September 22
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

It's Friday, Friday, gotta Scott Downs on Friday.

RkTm WLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

95

58

93.0

95.2

94.2

.617

.635

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jered Weaver pushed back his start last night but he’s okay, he just felt like inflicting Wade LeBlanc on Angels fans, “because I could.” He then laughed loudly, swung his cape around his shoulders and jumped back into the shower stall whence he came.
2

92

60

88.8

86.4

86.3

.581

.601

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

To celebrate their AL East title, Peter Angelos gave Albert Belle a six-year deal. When questioned about the move, Angelos said, “It was like going home again.”
3

88

64

90.4

90.6

89.5

.590

.570

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Now that they’re NL East champs, the Nationals don’t need to win anymore, but they can’t seem to turn it off. “What do you think, dear?” “What is Eurasia!” Trebek: “What is Eurasia!” “I can’t be stopped!”
4

87

66

84.9

90.1

88.3

.572

.553

85.6%

14.4%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Now, two weeks away from the end of the season, we can put this era of no offense into context by pointing out that Dee Gordon is a plus hitter.
5

85

68

77.9

80.4

80.1

.528

.509

91.1%

8.8%

100.0%

0.7%

4.7%

They’ve already won more games than the 2006 team so champagne showers and parades all around!
6

84

68

83.3

85.1

84.2

.554

.534

14.4%

85.2%

99.6%

0.1%

0.7%

It’s not that Hunter Pence is hitting .290 with power, it’s that he’s doing it while wearing the actual equivalent of the googily eyes for each at-bat.
7

84

68

81.4

82.8

81.9

.543

.563

74.7%

21.0%

95.7%

-1.5%

15.4%

Being chased this closely by the Royals is like taking your graduate level course and realizing that your dog Muffin is seated two rows behind you.
8

83

68

78.1

72.6

72.7

.507

.527

24.9%

48.8%

73.7%

-4.2%

5.0%

With 10 games left, if you haven’t trusted the process yet, you never will, so feel free to scream and shake as needed.
9

83

69

92.6

91.6

91.5

.590

.609

0.0%

88.2%

88.2%

-6.4%

-4.5%

The A’s season is a mean Hallmark card. It’s, “happy happy happy happy happy hey what the heck, man?”
10

82

70

81.2

84.2

84.5

.546

.526

8.8%

81.5%

90.3%

6.7%

28.5%

The Pirates clinched a winning season with a series sweep against Boston, or if you want to be historically accurate, unceremoniously thieved it from the mouths of their innocent and hungry peasant opponents.
11

82

70

88.3

83.8

83.7

.556

.575

0.0%

33.7%

33.7%

10.8%

-1.7%

Robinson Cano is already 33rd in Mariners history in career WAR.
12

79

74

76.3

76.6

76.1

.503

.483

0.0%

9.2%

9.2%

-7.3%

-11.7%

Grandparents will tell their kids, “I remember when the Brewers were in first place.” And their kids will scratch their thoraxes, give their antennae a quick cleaning and say, “Worker ants must work.”
13

79

73

77.0

77.3

76.0

.509

.529

0.4%

8.1%

8.5%

1.4%

-7.3%

In the end, Corey Kluber’s Cy Young victory only cost the organization arbitration money. Also, it’s a cold winter wind and there is no good coffee.
14

78

74

72.2

71.0

71.8

.482

.502

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

0.1%

-2.4%

The Yankees are five games out of the Wild Card with 10 games to go, yet they insist on giving the least productive player in baseball the second-most plate appearances on their team. Yeah, he homered last night, but no, I don’t think it’s going to happen again either.
15

77

75

78.0

77.9

77.5

.511

.531

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.2%

-4.6%

When asked, GM Alex Anthopoulos said, in essence, he’d support his manager until he didn’t, which sounds like a dictator answering questions on his political prisoners.
16

76

76

75.5

74.7

74.6

.495

.475

0.0%

0.9%

0.9%

-0.2%

-22.0%

The Braves are moving to a new stadium after just a few seasons? Hey, Atlanta, just be glad they’re staying local.
17

74

78

72.9

73.3

72.4

.481

.461

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.2%

It would be sad but somehow appropriate if, in his last at-bat as a Marlin, Giancarlo Stanton got hit in the face.
18

74

79

77.6

83.8

83.9

.522

.542

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

James Loney is baseball’s leader with the most at-bats (570) without a triple.
19

73

80

75.8

70.1

70.0

.472

.452

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

If MLB did investigate the Wilpons I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything beyond a plastic skeleton in the closet strategically positioned to help you avoid the real actual human skeleton right behind it.
20

71

82

74.0

69.7

70.6

.466

.446

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

If only Joey Votto were healthy, then this team would be a slightly better sniff of mediocrity they were destined to be.
21

71

81

69.8

65.6

66.3

.449

.429

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Trivia question: Without looking, when was the last time the Padres played? You probably said something like May, right?
22

70

83

69.6

67.4

68.6

.450

.431

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Phillies are reportedly in on Cuban outfielder Yasmani Tomas which would make sense, which is why I assume the report is bogus.
23

69

83

66.3

66.9

66.6

.442

.462

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jose Abreu isn’t planning on slowing down even during the offseason. “Jose, here is your breakfa [crash] HEY! Put that bat down!”
24

68

85

67.4

73.1

73.6

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The fact that the Cubs are hitting a rookie cleanup is so Cubs. The fact that that rookie has an OPS over 1.100 makes me expect the immanent coming of the apocalypse.
25

67

86

66.3

68.1

70.3

.444

.464

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Controversy? Check. Last place finish? Check. Questionable player personnel moves? Check. Another successful season for the Astros? Check!
26

66

87

66.1

67.7

68.8

.439

.459

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Red Sox cleanup hitter came into last night with a .614 OPS on the season. Ah last place, what can’t you do?
27

65

87

69.4

68.4

68.5

.446

.466

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Twins have officially given up on this season and, like an old person diagnosed with a degenerative disease, have started giving their stuff away.
28

62

91

69.2

71.4

67.4

.441

.422

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Losing to the Rockies feels like letting your 5-year-old beat you at checkers. “Oh no! Quadruple jump? I should’ve seen that coming!”
29

62

91

64.8

63.9

63.8

.416

.396

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Diamondbacks should get all their GM candidates together, play some overly dramatic music, hand the winner a rose, and then drop the runners-up through a trap door into a tank of sharks.
30

60

92

61.0

58.4

61.0

.395

.415

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

We now know which is stronger, the irresistible force (the A’s collapsing) or the immovable object (the Rangers awfulness). Had to go with force on that one.