Quantcast

Prospectus Hit List for September 19



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for September 17 Hit List for September 22
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

It's Friday, Friday, gotta Scott Downs on Friday.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

95

58

93.0

95.2

94.2

.617

.635

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jered Weaver pushed back his start last night but he’s okay, he just felt like inflicting Wade LeBlanc on Angels fans, “because I could.” He then laughed loudly, swung his cape around his shoulders and jumped back into the shower stall whence he came.
2

83

69

92.6

91.6

91.5

.590

.609

0.0%

88.2%

88.2%

-6.4%

-4.5%

The A’s season is a mean Hallmark card. It’s, “happy happy happy happy happy hey what the heck, man?”
3

92

60

88.8

86.4

86.3

.581

.601

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

To celebrate their AL East title, Peter Angelos gave Albert Belle a six-year deal. When questioned about the move, Angelos said, “It was like going home again.”
4

82

70

88.3

83.8

83.7

.556

.575

0.0%

33.7%

33.7%

10.8%

-1.7%

Robinson Cano is already 33rd in Mariners history in career WAR.
5

88

64

90.4

90.6

89.5

.590

.570

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Now that they’re NL East champs, the Nationals don’t need to win anymore, but they can’t seem to turn it off. “What do you think, dear?” “What is Eurasia!” Trebek: “What is Eurasia!” “I can’t be stopped!”
6

84

68

81.4

82.8

81.9

.543

.563

74.7%

21.0%

95.7%

-1.5%

15.4%

Being chased this closely by the Royals is like taking your graduate level course and realizing that your dog Muffin is seated two rows behind you.
7

87

66

84.9

90.1

88.3

.572

.553

85.6%

14.4%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Now, two weeks away from the end of the season, we can put this era of no offense into context by pointing out that Dee Gordon is a plus hitter.
8

74

79

77.6

83.8

83.9

.522

.542

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

James Loney is baseball’s leader with the most at-bats (570) without a triple.
9

84

68

83.3

85.1

84.2

.554

.534

14.4%

85.2%

99.6%

0.1%

0.7%

It’s not that Hunter Pence is hitting .290 with power, it’s that he’s doing it while wearing the actual equivalent of the googily eyes for each at-bat.
10

77

75

78.0

77.9

77.5

.511

.531

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.2%

-4.6%

When asked, GM Alex Anthopoulos said, in essence, he’d support his manager until he didn’t, which sounds like a dictator answering questions on his political prisoners.
11

79

73

77.0

77.3

76.0

.509

.529

0.4%

8.1%

8.5%

1.4%

-7.3%

In the end, Corey Kluber’s Cy Young victory only cost the organization arbitration money. Also, it’s a cold winter wind and there is no good coffee.
12

83

68

78.1

72.6

72.7

.507

.527

24.9%

48.8%

73.7%

-4.2%

5.0%

With 10 games left, if you haven’t trusted the process yet, you never will, so feel free to scream and shake as needed.
13

82

70

81.2

84.2

84.5

.546

.526

8.8%

81.5%

90.3%

6.7%

28.5%

The Pirates clinched a winning season with a series sweep against Boston, or if you want to be historically accurate, unceremoniously thieved it from the mouths of their innocent and hungry peasant opponents.
14

85

68

77.9

80.4

80.1

.528

.509

91.1%

8.8%

100.0%

0.7%

4.7%

They’ve already won more games than the 2006 team so champagne showers and parades all around!
15

78

74

72.2

71.0

71.8

.482

.502

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

0.1%

-2.4%

The Yankees are five games out of the Wild Card with 10 games to go, yet they insist on giving the least productive player in baseball the second-most plate appearances on their team. Yeah, he homered last night, but no, I don’t think it’s going to happen again either.
16

79

74

76.3

76.6

76.1

.503

.483

0.0%

9.2%

9.2%

-7.3%

-11.7%

Grandparents will tell their kids, “I remember when the Brewers were in first place.” And their kids will scratch their thoraxes, give their antennae a quick cleaning and say, “Worker ants must work.”
17

76

76

75.5

74.7

74.6

.495

.475

0.0%

0.9%

0.9%

-0.2%

-22.0%

The Braves are moving to a new stadium after just a few seasons? Hey, Atlanta, just be glad they’re staying local.
18

65

87

69.4

68.4

68.5

.446

.466

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Twins have officially given up on this season and, like an old person diagnosed with a degenerative disease, have started giving their stuff away.
19

67

86

66.3

68.1

70.3

.444

.464

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Controversy? Check. Last place finish? Check. Questionable player personnel moves? Check. Another successful season for the Astros? Check!
20

69

83

66.3

66.9

66.6

.442

.462

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jose Abreu isn’t planning on slowing down even during the offseason. “Jose, here is your breakfa [crash] HEY! Put that bat down!”
21

74

78

72.9

73.3

72.4

.481

.461

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.2%

It would be sad but somehow appropriate if, in his last at-bat as a Marlin, Giancarlo Stanton got hit in the face.
22

66

87

66.1

67.7

68.8

.439

.459

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Red Sox cleanup hitter came into last night with a .614 OPS on the season. Ah last place, what can’t you do?
23

73

80

75.8

70.1

70.0

.472

.452

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

If MLB did investigate the Wilpons I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything beyond a plastic skeleton in the closet strategically positioned to help you avoid the real actual human skeleton right behind it.
24

71

82

74.0

69.7

70.6

.466

.446

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

If only Joey Votto were healthy, then this team would be a slightly better sniff of mediocrity they were destined to be.
25

68

85

67.4

73.1

73.6

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The fact that the Cubs are hitting a rookie cleanup is so Cubs. The fact that that rookie has an OPS over 1.100 makes me expect the immanent coming of the apocalypse.
26

70

83

69.6

67.4

68.6

.450

.431

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Phillies are reportedly in on Cuban outfielder Yasmani Tomas which would make sense, which is why I assume the report is bogus.
27

71

81

69.8

65.6

66.3

.449

.429

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Trivia question: Without looking, when was the last time the Padres played? You probably said something like May, right?
28

62

91

69.2

71.4

67.4

.441

.422

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Losing to the Rockies feels like letting your 5-year-old beat you at checkers. “Oh no! Quadruple jump? I should’ve seen that coming!”
29

60

92

61.0

58.4

61.0

.395

.415

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

We now know which is stronger, the irresistible force (the A’s collapsing) or the immovable object (the Rangers awfulness). Had to go with force on that one.
30

62

91

64.8

63.9

63.8

.416

.396

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Diamondbacks should get all their GM candidates together, play some overly dramatic music, hand the winner a rose, and then drop the runners-up through a trap door into a tank of sharks.