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Prospectus Hit List for August 27



by Matt Sussman

Hit List for August 25 Hit List for August 29
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

It's the remix to Hit Listin', none of 30 teams missin', there's a joke about Aybar, and about surname fixin'.

RkTmWL W1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

51

80

50.8

48.9

50.9

.385

.404

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

You could make a pretty good roster out of the injured Rangers. I'd even pick them to win the division.
2

55

77

55.2

56.2

55.9

.421

.402

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Nice try, Kirk Gibson, but that is clearly a cardboard cutout of Brandon Webb taped to a pitching machine on the mound.
3

56

77

56.7

56.1

57.9

.426

.446

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Nobody tell Chris Carter there is no "second-half All-Star Game." Let him dream one more night.
4

59

72

57.8

57.6

57.2

.442

.462

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Paul Konerko doesn't need a retirement tour; he just quietly goes to every stadium and finds the dirty magazines he hid in every visiting clubhouse since 1997.
5

58

74

58.4

59.4

60.2

.447

.467

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Was it worth it? Was it worth trading great globs of pitching for a hilarious seven-run 11th inning in August? If the answer is yes, let's hang out.
6

60

72

58.4

57.9

59.1

.446

.426

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

0.0%

It takes a special brand of suck, luck and gumption to double one's season hit total in late August, but Freddy Galvis figured it out--and also homered, too.
7

53

78

58.7

60.7

57.9

.437

.417

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

One of the perks of a losing season? Your biggest September decision is "should we call up Rafael Betancourt in the year 2014."
8

59

72

60.6

66.0

65.9

.480

.460

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.0%

Javier Baez already has more career strikeouts than Joan Baez, and is considerably younger.
9

58

73

61.6

61.2

60.9

.461

.481

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Twins are now winless this season in which Ricky Nolasco gives up zero runs. This hadn't been an occurrence before yesterday, so it was still true.
10

68

62

61.6

61.7

62.0

.487

.507

2.7%

4.4%

7.1%

-5.2%

1.8%

Three times this year, the leadoff batter has hit two home runs and those were the team's only two runs in a loss. Twice it was the Yankees.
11

61

70

62.9

58.5

58.8

.460

.441

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.0%

-0.4%

"Eric Stults" literally translated from Latin is "Eric Stupid," which is also fitting since "Eric Stupid" is an example of bad grammar.
12

65

66

63.1

62.8

62.3

.483

.463

0.1%

2.8%

2.9%

-1.8%

-3.7%

Giancarlo Stanton is super close to breaking Dan Uggla's franchise record for home runs, effectively the last cool thing Dan Uggla has on this earth.
13

71

60

64.3

68.3

68.1

.519

.499

41.2%

36.9%

78.1%

-4.1%

0.7%

His shaky starts is all part of Justin Masterson's ultimate plan to become the Cardinals closer in the playoffs, and it's going to work isn't it.
14

62

70

65.3

60.9

61.2

.472

.452

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

0.2%

0.1%

"Juan Lagares hit a home run because Juan Lagares wasn't back there to rob it" reads more like an excuse.
15

66

66

65.5

65.7

65.3

.497

.517

0.4%

0.6%

0.9%

-0.9%

-3.0%

Good news, Canada! Burger King cleared waivers and was traded to your country. Bad news: burgers cannot functionally grip a baseball.
16

63

69

66.4

62.1

62.9

.482

.462

0.0%

0.7%

0.7%

-0.4%

-1.8%

Johnny Cueto: eight losses, 2.26 ERA. On a related note, does anybody want to play first base for the Reds?
17

67

63

67.0

67.2

66.0

.514

.534

3.7%

4.9%

8.6%

0.2%

0.8%

I was wrong. T.J. House is actually an Indians pitcher and not a T.J. Maxx-owned chain of hardware stores.
18

68

64

67.0

68.7

69.8

.518

.498

4.8%

25.5%

30.3%

6.8%

9.3%

Ike Davis came through again! Man, they should have traded for Ike Davis a long time ago, such as [looks at stats] actually they traded for him at the correct time.
19

64

68

67.6

72.5

72.3

.524

.543

0.1%

0.0%

0.1%

-0.4%

-1.4%

It wasn't until they noticed Kevin Kiermaier never stopped going 100 percent that they discovered Kiermaier was actually the bus from "Speed."
20

68

64

68.4

67.0

67.1

.512

.492

2.4%

31.2%

33.5%

-7.2%

-13.3%

Three of the last four times a Brave has grounded into a double play twice in a game, it has been Chris Johnson. Everyone has a hidden talent.
21

71

59

68.4

70.2

69.2

.536

.556

45.3%

19.1%

64.4%

0.9%

1.7%

Two pieces of bad news for Anibal Sanchez. He suffered a setback on his arm injury, and also Big Bang Theory won more Emmy awards.
22

73

58

68.8

62.6

63.5

.511

.531

51.0%

19.2%

70.2%

2.0%

-5.1%

Are the Royals having a blessed season? That's the same logic Henry VIII used quite often, and only half the time he was right.
23

69

62

69.9

71.2

70.6

.533

.513

10.9%

55.3%

66.2%

8.9%

11.8%

Look on the bright side. Tim Lincecum as a bullpen specialist would finally be an excuse for him to work on an elaborate mustache.
24

73

59

70.3

69.8

69.6

.535

.515

54.0%

35.6%

89.5%

-3.4%

-4.2%

Even Aramis Ramirez can't believe Aramis Ramirez is still playing in the majors and contributing positively. He should get more self-esteem.
25

75

55

72.4

71.3

71.6

.558

.578

96.9%

0.8%

97.7%

1.0%

0.5%

Are we entirely sure Delmon Young stole a base instead of the scorekeeper forgetting to credit him with a double?
26

75

58

72.6

75.7

73.9

.559

.539

89.1%

10.1%

99.2%

1.2%

1.0%

Remember when we, as the Internet, agreed to fire Don Mattingly last year? And now that the Internet was given hiring/firing powers, now we don't want to do it.
27

78

53

76.1

80.4

79.7

.600

.619

62.6%

37.1%

99.7%

-0.1%

0.4%

More people would pay attention to Erick Aybar if he changed his name to Erick Trout. "Any relation?" "No, he changed his name so you would pay attention to him." "Well it worked!"
28

75

56

77.6

77.0

76.1

.584

.564

97.5%

1.6%

99.1%

-0.1%

0.5%

Bryce Harper isn't even hold enough to rent a car, so why even send him to AAA?
29

72

59

78.8

75.9

75.2

.576

.595

1.2%

50.8%

52.0%

2.8%

4.1%

They announced the Jack Z extension today, because they didn't want to wait until the offseason to figure out how to spell his name.
30

77

54

83.2

81.7

81.3

.617

.636

36.2%

63.0%

99.2%

-0.3%

0.2%

When asked about wins being a flawed metric since joining Oakland, if I were Jason Hammel I'd say, "You're a flawed metric."