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Prospectus Hit List for April 8



Hit List for April 7 Hit List for April 9
Hit List updates are published Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, starting April 2, 2014. Data presented here is based on games through the day prior to publication.
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

4

1

3.3

3.5

3.4

.620

.639

58.2%

9.5%

67.6%

-1.6%

6.0%

And the least popular carnival game in a recent survey according to the Society Of Crooked Carnies is the Throw The Ball Past Miguel Cabrera At Third Base booth.
2

4

2

4.6

4.3

4.3

.608

.626

21.0%

18.1%

39.1%

1.2%

4.6%

Hector Noesi was designated for assignment as soon as the team discovered his name is an anagram for "Not Cheerios." And who doesn't love Cheerios?
3

4

4

5.2

5.7

5.5

.599

.618

41.8%

24.8%

66.6%

-1.1%

-4.0%

"Hi, Dr. Andrews, I have this friend whose arm hurts..." "Matt Moore, I know it's you." "How did you know?" "You're still wearing your jersey."
4

4

3

4.5

4.9

4.9

.588

.607

26.9%

21.9%

48.8%

4.0%

4.9%

Theory: Daric Barton was actually released three years ago but nobody told him or the manager and he kept showing up.
5

4

2

4.1

4.6

4.7

.613

.594

22.8%

18.9%

41.7%

-1.8%

11.1%

Craig Kimbrel currently has a 0.00 WHIP in three innings with six strikeouts. Small sample size, but that number should soon regress to -50.00 WHIP and all strikeouts.
6

4

2

3.9

3.7

3.8

.598

.578

60.3%

16.2%

76.5%

1.8%

1.3%

The plan is to eventually move Ryan Zimmerman to first and Adam LaRoche to the back of the attic, to be discovered in 50 years by Zimmerman's curious grandchildren.
7

4

2

4.0

4.2

4.3

.592

.572

20.7%

14.4%

35.1%

1.4%

5.9%

The downside of a three-homer game on the road is now Ryan Braun has that many more apology phone calls to make.
8

5

3

4.2

4.9

4.6

.589

.569

65.1%

23.5%

88.6%

1.2%

-4.2%

The MRI on Yasiel Puig's thumb took forever because they had to keep telling him not to slide into the machine head first.
9

5

2

5.5

5.0

5.0

.580

.561

3.3%

4.2%

7.5%

1.0%

2.7%

Giancarlo Stanton had that wonderful dream again where he tethers himself to his own home run and leaves Miami forever :)
10

5

2

4.5

3.7

3.6

.571

.551

27.0%

38.0%

65.0%

2.6%

10.3%

Brandon Belt hit his fifth homer; Steve Suspenders still stuck at zero.
11

4

3

3.5

4.0

3.6

.529

.549

19.8%

21.0%

40.8%

5.3%

8.3%

In Yangervis Solarte, the Yankees finally have something the Red Sox don't: a hitting sensation cast off by the Minnesota Twins!
12

4

2

3.9

3.5

3.4

.552

.532

13.5%

11.1%

24.5%

-0.4%

0.4%

18th century pirates didn't regress to the mean, so why should these ones?
13

3

4

3.4

3.6

3.5

.512

.532

25.5%

21.9%

47.4%

-2.8%

-4.3%

It remains to be seen what the team will grow in solidarity this year; here's hoping it's bell peppers.
14

3

4

3.6

3.3

3.2

.508

.528

36.4%

20.0%

56.4%

0.3%

-3.7%

If Josh Hamilton is going to bat well this year, that's an entire folder of jokes I'll need to burn for fuel.
15

4

4

4.7

5.4

5.2

.545

.525

3.7%

12.9%

16.7%

2.3%

6.4%

Colorado has also been in better spirits ever since the state Congress legalized recreational Tulowitzki.
16

3

3

2.9

3.0

3.2

.493

.513

15.5%

9.2%

24.7%

2.2%

3.0%

The Royals don't have a home run yet, as they're all waiting for Billy Butler to leg one out inside the park.
17

3

3

3.4

3.5

3.4

.515

.495

9.1%

10.2%

19.3%

1.4%

-1.0%

There have been eight three-homer games by players in Citizens Bank Park. Two of them (Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth) was done by a Phillie.
18

3

3

2.7

2.7

2.7

.474

.494

14.3%

9.1%

23.4%

-1.2%

-4.7%

Over the weekend Cleveland traded for Colt Hynes for Duke von Schamann and Preston Guilmet for Torsten Boss. In a related story, your name is boring and stupid.
19

3

4

3.1

3.3

3.4

.464

.483

7.9%

4.8%

12.6%

-2.5%

-3.8%

<' Even money this is the team with the executive in favor of seven-inning games.
20

4

3

3.1

2.3

2.4

.484

.464

48.9%

15.4%

64.3%

3.7%

-1.0%

Jhonny Peralta has two hits on the season, both of them home runs. He'll run the bases when he's darn ready.
21

3

4

2.5

2.2

2.5

.435

.454

9.6%

14.5%

24.1%

1.2%

-2.6%

Wow, Mark Buehrle is throwing some heat! Never mind, the radar gun is stuck on km/h.
22

2

5

2.7

4.0

3.7

.474

.454

14.3%

10.1%

24.3%

-3.1%

-4.9%

Jonathan Broxton is off the disabled list, but his pants seamstress won't be back from materity leave for weeks!
23

3

4

3.1

2.7

2.7

.425

.445

4.1%

3.0%

7.1%

-0.9%

1.2%

Joe Mauer moves to first base and yet his backup has 11 more RBI than him.
24

3

4

2.4

2.0

2.1

.421

.441

15.2%

14.7%

30.0%

-1.7%

1.9%

The Rangers have three home runs on the year and two of them are by Elvis Andrus and Robinson Chirinos.
25

2

4

2.6

3.0

3.2

.452

.433

2.7%

3.2%

5.9%

-0.9%

-1.1%

I read the unofficial Cubs mascot knocked out a fan in a bar, but Old Style has that effect on lots of people.
26

2

5

2.3

1.5

1.6

.374

.392

3.3%

6.9%

10.2%

-2.0%

-6.3%

Delmon Young batted second yesterday for the first time in six years and recorded three hits, including a home run, pushing his inevitable release back a month to, let's say, July.
27

3

4

1.9

2.0

1.9

.361

.380

0.5%

0.6%

1.2%

-0.4%

-0.4%

Not sure why Matt Albers was placed on the paternity list. He'll get to spend time with his child as Baby Albers is scheduled to pitch Friday.
28

2

4

1.4

1.6

1.8

.385

.366

2.9%

9.8%

12.6%

-8.6%

-17.8%

Tommy Medica started as their DH last night. Be honest, Padres, on your road trip you forgot to pack a designated hitter.
29

2

7

2.5

2.7

2.8

.380

.361

1.3%

6.5%

7.8%

-1.5%

-5.1%

They've started 2-8 in two other seasons: 1998 (expansion year), and 2003 (something called Elmer Dessens led the team in starts).
30

2

4

2.0

1.4

1.5

.378

.359

4.5%

5.8%

10.2%

0.8%

-3.2%

Lifehack: bet a penny on Bartolo Colon winning a Silver Slugger; retire the richest man in the Western Hemisphere and spend all your time reading great Hit List jokes and drinking purified water from the sultan's personal refrigerator.