Prospectus Hit List for April 4
Hit List for April 2
Hit List for April 7
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 | HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 2 | 1 | 2.0 | 2.6 | 2.5 | .657 | .675 | 34.2% | 28.4% | 62.5% | 4.4% | 9.0% | |
You'd have to be a grade-A sizemor-on to ever question him coming back from injury! | |||||||||||||
2 | 1 | 2 | 1.0 | 1.0 | 1.1 | .429 | .448 | 13.7% | 19.0% | 32.7% | 3.9% | -0.5% | |
Derek Jeter went to Houston and acquired cowboy boots, proving that season-long retirement ceremonies are not unlike text-based RPGs. | |||||||||||||
3 | 2 | 1 | 1.7 | 1.2 | 1.2 | .522 | .502 | 51.7% | 11.8% | 63.5% | 3.6% | 1.8% | |
It took eight plate appearances, but Jhonny Peralta finally tied Pete Kozma's home run total from last year (448 PA). | |||||||||||||
4 | 3 | 1 | 2.5 | 2.1 | 2.0 | .572 | .552 | 21.3% | 36.6% | 57.9% | 3.6% | 4.1% | |
The Giants had a five-run inning in the eighth. Last year they scored a total of four runs (estimated). | |||||||||||||
5 | 2 | 2 | 2.3 | 2.9 | 2.9 | .575 | .594 | 27.1% | 17.3% | 44.4% | 2.8% | -2.1% | |
They're working on the sewage problem, but now the O.co Coliseum locker rooms and offices are flooded with Internet comments. "This is considerably worse," Billy Beane whimpers. | |||||||||||||
6 | 1 | 2 | 1.1 | 0.8 | 0.8 | .399 | .380 | 15.1% | 11.4% | 26.5% | 2.6% | -0.8% | |
That's right, focus on the dog. Stare not at the scoreboard or the standings, look at this adorable little doggy-woggy. | |||||||||||||
7 | 3 | 0 | 2.5 | 2.5 | 2.5 | .712 | .696 | 67.7% | 11.6% | 79.3% | 2.4% | 5.9% | |
In the event a president mascot race ends in a tie, they should really break it using a vice-president mascot race. | |||||||||||||
8 | 2 | 2 | 2.8 | 2.7 | 2.6 | .598 | .617 | 37.3% | 26.4% | 63.8% | 2.1% | -3.9% | |
The Chris Archer extension made perfect sense, but if they want to win the World Series they still need to lock up Chris Lightinfantry. | |||||||||||||
9 | 1 | 2 | 1.3 | 0.9 | 1.0 | .398 | .418 | 4.0% | 2.7% | 6.7% | 1.6% | -1.2% | |
Chris Colabello rejected a million dollar contract overseas so he could have a six-RBI game for the Twins. Money well rejected. | |||||||||||||
10 | 1 | 2 | 1.3 | 2.1 | 2.1 | .498 | .478 | 4.1% | 4.2% | 8.3% | 1.3% | 0.4% | |
Ats off to Mike Olt on itting is first major league ome run. | |||||||||||||
11 | 2 | 1 | 1.9 | 2.2 | 2.2 | .599 | .580 | 19.5% | 21.3% | 40.8% | 1.0% | 5.7% | |
His second operation should be free so long as they're fine with people calling it "Kris Medlen surgery" from now on. | |||||||||||||
12 | 2 | 1 | 1.4 | 1.2 | 1.2 | .481 | .501 | 17.5% | 9.7% | 27.2% | 0.9% | 1.7% | |
At some point a young team no longer can be considered young; Danny Salazar is the only man on their roster younger than 25. | |||||||||||||
13 | 3 | 1 | 3.0 | 2.6 | 2.5 | .560 | .540 | 1.7% | 3.3% | 5.0% | 0.5% | 0.6% | |
That's MISTER Early Season RBI Leader Casey McGehee to you. | |||||||||||||
14 | 4 | 1 | 3.4 | 3.6 | 3.5 | .659 | .641 | 68.4% | 21.3% | 89.7% | -0.6% | -3.9% | |
The Dodgers will be just fine with their two-time Cy Young ace on the disabled list, reports Gullible Baseball Predictions Quarterly. | |||||||||||||
15 | 2 | 1 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.4 | .510 | .530 | 19.2% | 13.3% | 32.5% | -0.7% | -0.5% | |
Shin-Soo Choo scored the winning run on Tuesday, drew the walkoff walk on Wednesday, did nothing on Thursday, and today is casual Friday, so however he helps them win it'll be in jeans. | |||||||||||||
16 | 2 | 0 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.3 | .640 | .658 | 55.9% | 9.8% | 65.6% | -0.7% | 7.3% | |
Two games, two walkoff wins by players they acquired in the offseason. At this rate they'll have an undefeated season but also 160 more weird trades. | |||||||||||||
17 | 1 | 2 | 1.7 | 1.6 | 1.6 | .479 | .459 | 7.1% | 9.4% | 16.5% | -0.8% | -1.0% | |
Jonathan Papelbon's mouth predicts a Phillies World Series. Jonathan Papelbon's arm sighs loudly, but it has no mouth so we can't hear it. | |||||||||||||
18 | 0 | 3 | 0.3 | 0.2 | 0.2 | .299 | .317 | 31.3% | 19.6% | 50.9% | -0.8% | -9.1% | |
Time to find out if Mike Trout can get more Wins Above Replacement than the Angels have Wins Actually In The Standings. | |||||||||||||
19 | 2 | 1 | 2.0 | 2.0 | 1.9 | .534 | .554 | 0.8% | 1.0% | 1.8% | -0.9% | 0.1% | |
Don't read too much into these early results; this was merely one short series against one $200 million-payroll team. | |||||||||||||
20 | 1 | 2 | 1.0 | 1.2 | 1.3 | .444 | .424 | 6.1% | 18.7% | 24.8% | -0.9% | -3.5% | |
The only stolen bases on the team are courtesy of their catcher and first baseman. And you doubted the practicality of the camouflage uniforms. | |||||||||||||
21 | 0 | 2 | 0.7 | 0.6 | 0.7 | .369 | .388 | 12.2% | 7.2% | 19.4% | -1.1% | -4.6% | |
They haven't won yet, but look on the bright side: Tim Collins finally got his learner's permit! | |||||||||||||
22 | 1 | 3 | 1.0 | 1.4 | 1.5 | .397 | .378 | 2.7% | 12.0% | 14.6% | -1.2% | 2.0% | |
Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer and LaTroy Hawkins are still producing for them because if you squint hard enough, Rockies uniforms look like Twins ones. | |||||||||||||
23 | 3 | 1 | 3.4 | 3.3 | 3.1 | .650 | .668 | 21.5% | 15.3% | 36.9% | -1.5% | 5.6% | |
We haven't seen the Mariners fans this happy about baseball since last year when Ken Griffey, Jr. hit a ... oh god, that was TWENTY years ago? | |||||||||||||
24 | 1 | 5 | 2.1 | 2.1 | 2.2 | .396 | .377 | 1.5% | 9.4% | 10.9% | -1.6% | -2.4% | |
There are children in the world nearly six months old who have never seen Paul Goldschmidt go hitless in a game. If the streak ends, you're gonna hear the ensuing colicky mayhem. | |||||||||||||
25 | 0 | 3 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0.5 | .295 | .278 | 3.9% | 5.3% | 9.2% | -2.2% | -6.4% | |
The previous over/under on Jose Valverde becoming an MLB closer again was set at ±asteroid. It took one full Mets game, which is roughly equivalent. | |||||||||||||
26 | 2 | 1 | 1.7 | 2.1 | 2.0 | .557 | .576 | 10.5% | 6.8% | 17.3% | -3.0% | 1.7% | |
Adam Dunn on the year: 14 PA, two HR, two BB, five K, and countless sack lunches consumed by the fielders. | |||||||||||||
27 | 1 | 2 | 1.0 | 0.4 | 0.5 | .358 | .376 | 3.8% | 9.1% | 12.9% | -3.2% | -1.1% | |
"It'll be a long single for Delmon Young," the announcer bellows, insinuating there are other kinds. | |||||||||||||
28 | 2 | 1 | 1.7 | 0.9 | 0.9 | .471 | .451 | 11.6% | 9.9% | 21.5% | -3.7% | -1.4% | |
After winning on walkoff fashion in the 16th inning on Wednesday, you just know Clint Hurdle drunk-texted Jerry Meals at 3 a.m. like 20 times. | |||||||||||||
29 | 2 | 2 | 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | .436 | .456 | 11.0% | 14.4% | 25.5% | -3.8% | -2.5% | |
Mark Buehrle struck out 11 on Wednesday. His high last year (non-Astros) was seven. | |||||||||||||
30 | 1 | 2 | 1.3 | 1.8 | 1.8 | .501 | .481 | 17.5% | 14.0% | 31.5% | -4.2% | -1.1% | |
The Reds were happy to play in something other than a 1-0 game, but thankfully the scoreboard operator finally found the box containing the other numbers. |
It's goin' down, I'm yelling Hit List!