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Prospectus Hit List for September 12



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for September 11 Hit List for September 13
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

In which we twice use the word ************ but disguise it with only one *

RkTmWLW1W2 W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

84

62

90.1

96.9

96.2

.629

.647

99.7%

0.2%

99.9%

0.2%

0.3%

Welcome to everyone's faaaavorite game show, "Make Drew Smyly frown!" Hey, Drew! I don't like you! What do you think of that, huh? Pretty tough to take, eh?
2

89

58

90.4

89.7

89.1

.609

.628

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.4%

What is it about men with fish names that they’re good at baseball?
3

83

64

84.7

86.2

86.6

.579

.560

10.8%

87.7%

98.5%

-0.1%

0.5%

There's something fitting about J.J. Hoover coming in to clean up after Mike Leake.
4

78

66

75.5

84.1

84.7

.560

.579

0.0%

62.8%

62.8%

-0.7%

-16.2%

All it took was one first-pitch extra-inning pinch-hit grand slam and Roberto Hernandez went back to Fausto Carmona.
5

85

60

88.9

82.9

82.7

.585

.566

65.1%

34.8%

100.0%

0.0%

0.1%

The Cardinals are so nice they let themselves be no-hit for almost six full innings before kicking the crap out of the Brewers. A bunch of fine, upstanding fellas, they are.
6

87

58

87.6

86.1

82.6

.592

.573

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Braves got upset when Jose Fernandez watched his home run, which is understandable because when the Braves homer they put a blindfold on and feel their way around the bases.
7

85

60

81.1

84.4

82.4

.574

.554

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

If Brian Wilson pitches long enough he will become the first person to A) eat a live ball on the field, B) eat a live person on the field, C) B again
8

84

61

77.6

80.5

81.8

.558

.539

24.1%

75.7%

99.8%

0.0%

-0.1%

The Pirates have Justin Morneau and Marlon Byrd batting three-four in their lineup. The Pirates are 82-61. Contemplate that away from sharp objects and industrial equipment.
9

84

61

83.7

82.9

80.9

.572

.591

80.3%

19.4%

99.7%

0.8%

2.9%

The A’s have 20 hits, three homers, and seven doubles and it’s only the sixth inning. (You think I’m staying up till the end of this? You crazy.)
10

81

64

80.3

79.7

78.8

.551

.571

19.7%

69.1%

88.8%

-2.4%

-5.8%

Lost eight of 10? Quick! Trade Michael Young! What? You already did? Uh-oh...
11

77

68

77.1

75.1

76.0

.526

.546

0.0%

8.9%

8.9%

-2.7%

3.2%

Chris Davis is one triple away from one.
12

77

68

76.0

73.8

75.4

.521

.541

0.2%

19.4%

19.6%

-4.3%

6.3%

Statistics show when you have the same number of runs as errors your chances of winning drop by at least 3 percent.
13

76

69

72.8

75.1

73.6

.513

.493

0.0%

1.7%

1.7%

0.1%

0.0%

If the Reds finish the season 8-7, the Nationals have to go 15-2 just to tie them.
14

69

76

71.5

73.5

72.6

.494

.514

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Mike Trout's second worst monthly OPS is .974.
15

77

69

77.5

71.1

72.0

.510

.530

0.1%

5.6%

5.7%

2.5%

4.9%

Not only did James Shields win an important game for the Royals, after the game he traded himself back to the Rays for Wil Myers. "I just want to help the team," he said.
16

66

80

64.6

69.8

70.4

.464

.444

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Yusmeiro Petit finally did throw that perfect game. Nice job!
17

73

72

71.8

69.8

69.8

.490

.470

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.6%

Returning from a road-trip, how many times do you think one of the flight attendants mutters to himself, “I have had it with these mother*ucking snakes on this mother*ucking plane!"?
18

62

83

66.9

69.7

69.7

.463

.443

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Anthony Rizzo struck out three times and walked because he doesn’t believe in the third true outcome. “Home runs? Sure,” he said after the game. “Show me a Sasquatch and I’ll show you a fly ball go over the fence.” He laughed.
19

62

82

64.5

67.7

69.4

.458

.438

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Silver linings are for losing teams and Donald Trumps bidets/drinking fountains.
20

78

68

72.9

65.6

67.1

.486

.506

0.0%

14.6%

14.6%

6.4%

4.0%

In a win that kept the Earth revolving around the sun, the Yankees beat the Orioles. "Phew!" sighed environmental scientists.
21

67

80

71.2

70.1

66.9

.468

.448

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

A cool nickname for the top three in the Rockies lineup, Blackmon, Rutledge, and Dickerson would be the Continental Congress.
22

67

78

68.1

64.7

66.6

.459

.479

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Getting passed in the standings by the Angles shouldn't be humiliating. But it is. Oh, it is.
23

63

81

60.5

64.0

63.9

.437

.456

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Down by 10-plus runs for six innings, Ron Gardenhire handed out just five at-bats to players who weren’t in his original starting lineup. NEVER SAY DIE!!
24

65

81

60.3

64.8

63.9

.435

.455

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Do you think anyone would notice if the Mariners just went to the Seahawks game on September 29th?
25

64

80

65.5

63.5

63.2

.445

.425

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Mets relievers, Wheeler, Black, and Hawkins, would make beautiful folk-rock together.
26

66

78

62.2

62.5

62.7

.440

.420

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

There has to be a burger joint in greater San Diego that is developing a boxburger as we speak.
27

67

78

59.3

59.7

61.6

.427

.407

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jonathan Papelbon struck out two for the save. He finished with an emphatic fist pump. The Phillies are 15 games out of the Wild Card.
28

58

87

62.1

61.0

61.0

.418

.437

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Adam Dunn: four at-bats, four strikeouts. Perfection!
29

54

90

58.2

53.8

54.7

.383

.364

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jose Fernandez homered and Braves third baseman Chris Johnson got angry because Fernandez watched, but the Marlins got the last laugh because they’re in last place and no, wait, that’s not why.
30

50

96

54.4

48.1

50.6

.348

.366

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

If I'm doing this right, last night's sweep of the Mariners was only the Astros' second sweep.