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Prospectus Hit List for August 30



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for August 29 Hit List for September 3
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

Hit List in the front seat, Hit List in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, Hit List can I taaaake?

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC% Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

81

52

81.5

81.0

78.5

.605

.586

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Brian McCann will sign a long-term contract for lots of money. I took that phrase and translated it to Greek then to Arabic then to Dutch, then to Japanese then back to English. As such, I can report to you that, this off-season Brian McCann will conclude long term for shellfish.
2

78

55

73.4

76.1

74.1

.567

.547

99.5%

0.2%

99.7%

0.1%

0.2%

Yasiel Puig for President! Wait, did you see the way he walked out of the dugout? SUSPEND THAT LOAFER!
3

78

55

82.0

78.2

77.3

.593

.574

56.5%

42.9%

99.4%

0.1%

0.8%

The Cardinals lead the National League in runs scored with 645. They're also the only NL team to score over 581. (Was going to say 600 but 581 is lower!)
4

78

56

83.4

89.9

89.1

.635

.653

98.3%

1.0%

99.3%

0.6%

0.3%

Cabrera hurt! Cabrera hurt! Go to DEFCON Doughnut! I repeat! DEFCON Doughnut! [takes bite] Mmm... strawberry frosted.
5

77

56

72.6

73.5

74.4

.559

.539

27.3%

70.5%

97.9%

-0.9%

-1.4%

John Buck had three hits. Put a new uniform on the guy and he goes nuts. The Pirates should wear new uniforms every game. Not because of Buck. Because eventually they'd run out and have to dress like clowns and that would be funny.
6

79

56

81.1

80.1

79.4

.592

.611

76.3%

20.8%

97.1%

-0.8%

4.7%

Shane Victorino is now hitting .294/.346/.452 and playing excellent defense. So, there. Three-year deal justified!
7

78

55

76.0

75.2

74.1

.570

.590

78.7%

18.3%

97.0%

0.2%

4.2%

Ron Washington was spotted at a local diner where he went in the emergency door, ordered dessert for dinner, and ate it with the wrong side of a spoon. Yes, it’s getting to be playoff time and ol’ Wash is practicing making bad decisions.
8

75

59

77.4

77.5

77.7

.574

.554

16.2%

78.2%

94.4%

-1.0%

-2.8%

If Brandon Phillips was to second base what he is to raising the level of debate, he'd be lucky to ride the bench in a men's league in Altoona.
9

75

57

71.7

78.2

78.4

.574

.594

21.9%

64.8%

86.7%

-2.7%

-2.8%

The Rays are 11-13 this month because Joe Maddon hasn't let them dress up like superheroes and this is payback, baby.
10

75

58

74.2

73.8

72.0

.554

.574

21.3%

62.1%

83.4%

-0.9%

17.7%

The A's lost to Detroit 7-6, but Oakland only used 14 players while Detroit used 17 so on a per-player basis Oakland actually won.
11

71

62

70.3

69.4

70.6

.529

.549

1.6%

15.6%

17.2%

-2.3%

-16.0%

Good news: Ubaldo Jimenez struck out 10 and walked none. Where's this guy been all season? The bad news: WHERE'S THIS GUY BEEN ALL SEASON?
12

71

61

70.0

67.7

68.9

.526

.546

1.5%

12.2%

13.7%

4.9%

-3.2%

Chris Tillman won again. He's probably the best starter on the Orioles now. Remember where Baltimore got him? From Seattle for Erik Bedard along with Adam Jones, George Sherrill, and someone named Tony Butler who, considering this deal, is a lock for the Hall of Fame.
13

68

65

65.5

65.9

65.3

.498

.478

0.0%

5.3%

5.3%

1.2%

4.2%

Last season 19-year-old Bryce Harper’s OPS was .817. This season’s as a 20-year-old it’s .902. By the time he’s 100 in 2093, Harper’s OPS will be 7.702! Can’t wait for that!
14

70

63

65.8

58.9

60.2

.479

.499

0.3%

3.8%

4.1%

0.4%

-5.5%

If Joe Girardi gets this group to the playoffs, he doesn't just deserve Manager of the Year, he deserves Manager of Managers of the Year. Not Manager of the Year of Managers of the Year though. That's going too far.
15

68

64

67.6

65.6

65.8

.506

.486

0.5%

2.9%

3.3%

0.5%

-1.1%

Justin Upton got hurt? See! I told you everything would come up Towers.
16

69

64

71.0

63.9

64.8

.505

.525

0.1%

1.4%

1.5%

0.7%

0.6%

Baseball loves to lie to us. But sometimes it tells us the truth. Bruce Chen's 2.79 ERA isn't either. It's a hallucination. Just like those sharks swimming around under the carpet.
17

60

72

62.7

65.6

64.6

.479

.499

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Only three teams have more hits than the Angels: Colorado, St. Louis, and Texas.
18

56

76

58.8

58.8

58.0

.439

.458

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The White Sox have the worst on-base percentage in the American League. There's a good reason though. They mixed up research on on-base percentage with a recent study on smoking. On-base percentage may win games, but it gives you cancer. No thanks!
19

60

74

61.5

59.8

61.8

.454

.474

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Alex Anthopoulos: If I've learned one lesson from this season, it’s that John Gibbons definitely isn't the right guy to manage this team to a World Series... of poker!
20

56

77

60.2

62.7

63.3

.455

.435

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

How to write a Cubs comment. Step 1: Find information. Step 2: Write "Ha! Losers" after it. Step 3: Finished! Example: The Cubs have thrown the least number of pitches this season, a paltry 22,592! Ha! Losers!
21

63

72

66.0

65.9

62.6

.477

.457

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

While I was working on this, a giant raccoon appeared on my porch. The animal kingdom has spoken. The Rockies will miss the playoffs! Also, they'll have a hunk of that stale bread, please.
22

44

89

48.0

42.9

45.2

.339

.357

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

You just gotta believe
23

59

74

56.9

61.3

62.3

.450

.430

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Searching for a reason behind the Giants season and stumbled across this. Last season the Giants were last in home runs. This season, they're second to last. Ah-HA!
24

60

73

55.1

59.1

58.8

.438

.458

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Mariners played in Hou don't care Taijuan Walker: T-minus a few hours!
25

60

73

57.2

58.7

59.0

.442

.422

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

In a change of pace, the Western Metal Supply Company at Petco Park will now sell western metal supplies. Said CEO Jack Goatersly ,"This baseball thing just ain't working."
26

61

73

54.9

54.9

56.8

.425

.405

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Leadoff hitter Michael Young has a .329 on-base percentage and one stolen base.
27

49

83

51.6

47.6

48.5

.372

.354

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The player with the highest batting average in last night’s Marlins lineup was Donovan Solano who is hitting .251/.305/.303. In unrelated news, the Marlins were shut out for a MLB-leading 16th time.
28

60

72

62.2

60.8

60.2

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Former Phils manager Charlie Manual was spotted in the Mets dugout wearing a Bobby Valentine mask. Make of that what you will.
29

59

74

60.2

63.1

64.4

.464

.444

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

By beating the Pirates, Milwaukee kept Pittsburgh from tying for first place. And ho, they DID sleep on a bed of tears and sadness and misgivings, and lo, it was comfortable, and they DID make snores to wake the Gods.
30

57

75

56.0

58.1

58.6

.435

.455

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Later, 28,012 Minnesotans claimed they were doing something else.