Improved by seven games over 2003 and moved up from fourth to third, but it's a minor distinction when that means you finish 23 games out instead of 30. Still, just by playing through 2004 the Orioles generated potential for a vastly improved 2005. Time heals all wounds, including dumb contracts inherited from previous versions of the Peter Angelos Operating Software, the infamous corrupted version that wanted to sign players every winter. Not all-stars, not cost-effective high-OBP vets, just "players." Though Angelos 5.0 supposedly eliminated the flaw in the AI, it remained for the damage to be worked off like Sunday's buffet brunch. Marty Cordova, Omar Daal, Rafael Palmeiro (if his option is not picked up, and it shouldn't be), and, glory hallelujah, David Segui come off the books.

…Sorry, dozed off there. For a second I thought I had actually finished. The completed column began...

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Actually had a winning week, including taking three from the Rockies and one from the Cards, and you can't blame Tony La Russa for his refusal to celebrate a division title coming off a loss to this near-historically bad aggregation--winning just two more games will save the Zirconbacks from finishing below the black magic .300 mark and joining the ranks of the most futile teams of all time. Refusing to trade Randy Johnson doomed them to go through eternity as merely miserable. Yes, this team can't even implode correctly.

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If we were to try to formulate a theory of pitching martyrs, that is, pitchers having great seasons for bad teams, a reasonable first guess would be that all pitching martyrs are strikeout pitchers. One thinks of Walter Johnson, who might have won close to 500 games on better teams, Nolan Ryan, leading the league in strikeouts and ERA for the 1987 Astros but hardly ever winning, Steve Carlton on the 1972 Phillies.

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Idling at the worst moment. With the Red Sox and Yankees on a collision course, the Angels needed to stay close so as to pick up the pieces. Instead they split six with the Blue Jays and the White Sox, two teams that have been cooked for so long they're dryer than my aunt's Thanksgiving turkey, which knowing my aunt is probably hitting the oven right about now. But for Aaron Sele the pitching staff did a good job--all the losses were close. It was the offense that slowed down a bit this week, with Darin Erstad showing what happens when he fails to hit .350. The cool thing about power hitters is that when they get on a little hot streak and hit .350 for a week, they can channel seven days of Barry Bonds even if they're not Barry Bonds. Then, when they go into a slump, they channel some Rob Deer, perhaps batting .220 but sending two or three home runs out of the park and taking some walks. That's still useful, even if it's not ideal. If you're Darin Erstad and you slump, you lack the peripherals to turn into anyone but Rey Ordonez. Even good managers have their blind spots; Erstad is Mike Scioscia's. On the good side of the manager's ledger, Chone Figgins, entirely a Scioscia invention, posted a 1.213 OPS. GRADE: C

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ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

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The song remains relevant: not only is 2004 is the 75th anniversary of the tune, but with the American League races winding down, there are many teams in this week's survey that find themselves unwilling prisoners of Carmichael's rockin' chair.

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Welcome to a writer's world: alphabetically, the Diamondbacks lead off any National League survey, and it's a writer's job to hook you with a hot first paragraph. The problem is, the D'backs are dead in the water, less exciting than road kill. After careful consideration, editorial has declined TEAMS' request to place Atlanta at the top of the survey by listing the Diamondbacks under "Barizona." Still, we never give up trying, so before we get to a careful dissection of the Southwest Serpents, allow TEAMS to regale you with some erotically charged tales of the Baseball Prospectus Groupies!

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In a kind of breakthrough for the Angels--and defeat for those of us looking for easy hooks on which to hang our analysis--you can no longer complain about Darin Erstad. Sure, the average AL first baseman (which, from a New York vantage point, seems an entirely mythical creature) is batting .263/.344/.441 and Erstad is only hitting .319/.369/.436, but this is a distinction hardly worth quibbling over, especially since the man with a paucity of vowels in his surname has hit .351/.408/.503 since the All-Star break and played good defense.

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Their .664 OPS would have been a pretty bad week for the 1906 Cubs, and it's even less impressive in 2004 when registered by players who have access to modern training methods, nutrition, and dentistry... Got a catching body and a pitching prospect for Steve Finley, which is just a step above getting nothing, at least as far as certainty goes. Then again, you probably shouldn't expect to acquire Babe Ruth for a center fielder who is pushing 40. GRADE: C-

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Went 5-2 on the week, going 3-1 against the Mariners as all good teams should…. Robb Quinlan, who batted .440 and slugged .800 on the week, represents yet another challenge for Mike Scioscia as he attempts to allot playing time down the stretch. As the club has coped with injuries, unexpected contributors have risen from the depths like a pod of slugging humpback whales. Astoundingly, the team's three big prospects--Casey Kotchman, Dallas McPherson and Jeff Mathis--cannot be found among their number, remaining, for the moment, mere porpoises. Instead, unheralded fringe types Quinlan and Jeff DaVanon have popped up to keep the team afloat at key moments. DaVanon got benched as soon as Darin Erstad came back to do his superficial throwback ballplayer act. Quinlan, too, will no doubt fall out of the lineup at the soonest opportunity. He's not likely to sustain this act beyond the next two minutes, but a good manager like Scioscia knows how to play the hot hand. On pitching, at the trading deadline Bartolo Colon arranged to have his soul traded into his body, which is like getting a Cy Young transplant. GRADE: A

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ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

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