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July 18, 2013

Pebble Hunting

The Best Pitches Thrown This Week

by Sam Miller


Welcome to another episode of GIFs and Words and Jokes and Nonsense. It's a special All-Star edition of GIFs and Words and Jokes and Nonsense, so enjoy the All-Star related GIFs, words, jokes, and nonsense.

3. Jose Fernandez's fastball

What you'll tell your grandkids: Back before the universal tracking devices were installed, people were able to lie about their identities, lie about their ages. This was a problem in baseball, because young players were considered more valuable than older players. Age was power, and age was liability. Rumors would circulate about players for no other reason than that they were from a foreign country and they were really, really good. What we never expected, though, was that when Jose Fernandez came up to the majors throwing easy 97 mph fastballs and dismantling one of the best hitters in the game, he wasn't actually 20 years old, as he said. He was 11.

It all started when he was five years old and he really wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which was rated PG-13. He was precocious and looked older than he was and could already throw 80 mph, so he simply declared that he was 14, bought a ticket, and it stuck. He kept meaning to correct the record, but the problem was that they kept making PG-13 movies. Yes Man, G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra, Grown Ups, Just Go With It, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. He found himself getting addicted to the adult situations, moderate action violence, and one use of the F-word per film. By the time he did turn 13, in 2015, he had grown to like driving himself around. When he turned 16, in 2018, he didn't want to give up his lowered insurance rates. Finally, when he was 28, and hitting free agency as a supposed 37-year-old, he revealed the truth so he could get the bigger contract he deserved. This is a long story that goes nowhere, but it's all totally true.

2. Matt Harvey's changeup

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<< Previous Article
Fantasy Article Bullpen Report: Trade ... (07/18)
<< Previous Column
Pebble Hunting: The Sp... (07/15)
Next Column >>
Pebble Hunting: Baseba... (07/22)
Next Article >>
Premium Article Mid-Season Outliers (07/18)

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