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December 4, 2012

Wezen-Ball

37 Candidates, 37 (non-PED) Excuses

by Larry Granillo

One reason not to vote for each of this year's Hall of Fame nominees that has nothing to do with steroids or other performance enhancing drugs.

  • Jack Morris (14th year on ballot) - His 105 ERA+ in 3,824 career innings pitched is nearly identical to Jamie Moyer's 104 ERA+ in 4,074 career innings.
  • Jeff Bagwell (3rd) - He would skyrocket to the top of the list of worst facial hair on a Hall of Fame plaque.
  • Lee Smith (11th) - Saves are overrated.
  • Tim Raines (6th) - He wasn't Rickey Henderson.
  • Alan Trammell (12th) - He was a great shortstop right before Cal Ripken redefined what it meant to be a great shortstop.
  • Edgar Martinez (4th) - He was a DH in Seattle.
  • Fred McGriff (4th) - He never seemed to learn anything from Tom Emanski.
  • Larry Walker (3rd) - His journey from Canada to Coors is too foreign.
  • Mark McGwire (7th) - His home runs into Big Mac Land helped to make America fat.
  • Don Mattingly (13th) - He never shaved those sideburns.
  • Dale Murphy (15th) - His amazing 1980s seasons weren't enough to erase his sudden decline in the 1990s.
  • Rafael Palmeiro (3rd) - As the fourth person ever to reach 3,000 hits and 500 home runs, it's no longer special.
  • Bernie Williams (2nd) - Classical guitar is more of a Cleveland thing.
  • Barry Bonds (1st) - He was a meanie jerkface.
  • Roger Clemens (1st) - His cameo in "Kingpin" was nowhere near as good as Cam Neely's in "Dumb & Dumber".
  • Mike Piazza (1st) - 396 home runs as a catcher doesn't even pass Dale Murphy's career home run total.
  • Curt Schilling (1st) - The bloody sock has been seized by the state of Rhode Island.
  • Kenny Lofton (1st) - He also wasn't Rickey Henderson.
  • Craig Biggio (1st) - His close association with Jeff Bagwell and Ken Caminiti means one thing: secret terrible facial hair.
  • Sammy Sosa (1st) - He wasn't Reggie Jackson.
  • David Wells (1st) - Perfect games are overrated, I'm told.
  • Steve Finley (1st) - 19th all-time in home runs after age 30, but just 1,172nd in home runs through 30—tied with Brian Schneider.
  • Julio Franco (1st) - Franco is actually ineligible for the Hall, based on the little known rule stating that a player must be on the ballot for the first time within 30 years of his MLB debut.
  • Reggie Sanders (1st) - Made the postseason six different times for five different teams, but helped win the World Series only once.
  • Shawn Green (1st) - Mike Schmidt will forever be the last player to hit four home runs in a single game and go on to the Hall of Fame.
  • Jeff Cirillo (1st) - Managed a career .430 slugging percentage playing from 1994 to 2007.
  • Woody Williams (1st) - His 103 career ERA+ is nearly idential to Jamie Moyer's 104 career ERA+.
  • Rondell White (1st) - A rule enacted in Hall of Fame voting since 2004: if you automatically picture the player in an Expos uniform when you hear his name, he cannot be admitted to the Hall.
  • Ryan Klesko (1st) - 1,736 career games and only 987 career RBI? He doesn't deserve a single vote, no matter what some say.
  • Aaron Sele (1st) - Middle name is Helmer, never actually helmed.
  • Roberto Hernandez (1st) - Players who take on false identities should not be rewarded, especially when they're still playing(!).
  • Royce Clayton (1st) - A .679 career OPS is barely better than Bill Mazeroski's .667 (and is worse when comparing OPS+, 78 to 84).
  • Jeff Conine (1st) - The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown is for more than just Marlins players.
  • Mike Stanton (1st) - I know he's a great home run hitter, especially for a 22 year old, but we really should let his career play out before we give Stanton any Hall of Fame consideration.
  • Sandy Alomar, Jr. (1st) - Even for a catcher, playing only 1,377 games in 20 seasons is a bit low.
  • Jose Mesa (1st) - Has already earned his career accolades by finishing second in the Cy Young voting in 1995, ahead of David Cone and Mike Mussina.
  • Todd Walker (1st) - Played on seven teams in 12 seasons.

See? It wasn't so hard!

4 comments have been left for this article.

<< Previous Article
Premium Article Prospects Will Break Y... (12/03)
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Wezen-Ball: The SPBA's... (11/28)
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Wezen-Ball: The Ron Le... (12/10)
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