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November 13, 2012

Punk Hits

Scouting the Arizona Fall League: Off-the-Field Edition

by Ian Miller

Jason Parks and his crew of experts have thus far done yeoman’s work in their prospect rankings this offseason. But Parks et al’s analysis, while excellent, barely scratches the surface of what's going on in the Arizona Fall League. This article will take you beyond the baseball diamond to scout the talent across the Valley of the Sun, from the scouts to the fans to the lurking Card Guys to paint a full picture of the Arizona Fall League experience.

1. Travis the Open Carry Guy
DOB: 11/15/1992
Height/Weight: 5’9’’ 245 lbs.
The Tools:  Has a big-ass gun on his hip in the middle of the Circle K

Living as I do in the People’s Republic of Oakland, this scene never ceases to surprise me: dudes (and it’s always dudes) walk around with sidearms. Travis (maybe his real name, but probably not, although he did look like a Travis) was ahead of us in line at the Circle K with a holstered Glock holding up his sweatpants.

I have a wide (small-L) libertarian streak, so I don’t presume to be qualified to decide who gets to have a gun and who doesn’t. However, when I see a guy who looks like he spent his entire youth getting his lunch money stolen packing a gun that could absolutely, positively kill every MF’er in the convenience store, it freaks me out. Not a little. A lot.

The takeaway: Any pasty nerd in Arizona might have a pistol in his glove compartment, so proceed accordingly.

2. Takana, the Hotel Front Desk Clerk
DOB: 2/15/1984
Height/Weight: 5’4’’ 175 lbs.
The Tools:  The world’s worst tattoos and a compulsion to discuss them with you