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October 25, 2012

In A Pickle

Sweep Out The Ashes in the Morning

by Jason Wojciechowski

Here you have an article which goes into some aspects of the surreal and, hopefully, inevitable. The year is over. There is no more year. It's all a figment of some maniac imagination.

Unpaid actors of the mystery

Here are the top five 2012 minimum-salary (more or less) players by WARP.

1. Mike Trout, 9.1 WARP, 83 days of service time before 2012: One of the most annoying things that hipsters do to each other is play the "have you heard?" game.

   Thing 1: "Did you hear the new Crammed Cowlick album?"
   Thing 2: "Yeah, it was aight, I don't know. It wasn't anywhere near as good as Bamboo Shapeshifter's new joint. Did you hear that one?"
   Thing 1: "I saw them at that bar that has shows in the back room, you know? On Cavanaugh? The Jam Cakes opened for them. You copped their album, right?"
   Thing 2: "Uh, not ye--"
   Thing 1: /fistpumps

   So anyway, I don't want to go on and on about how cool I am that I can tell you things about this unheralded, unknown, underground kid Mike Trout while you're frantically Googling to keep up. Just make sure you know his name before 2013 starts, mmmkay?

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