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March 21, 2012

Wezen-Ball

Marty McFly Was Beaned During a Baseball Game

by Larry Granillo

One of the greatest things going on around the internet right now is a tumblr blog from Ryan North, the genius behind Dinosaur Comics (which had its own baseball post over the winter). In "B to the F: The Novelization of Back to the Future", North is reading through, page-by-page, the novelization of the 1985 classic film and blogging about what he finds.

Doesn't sound all that interesting? You are most assuredly wrong.

So in the movie (and presumably in the script Gipe was working from) Doc says the car is intact and in response Marty says

Where the hell are they?!

and Doc replies

The appropriate question is, when the hell are they? You see, Einstein has just become the world’s first time traveler!

Straightforward enough, right? Not where, when.

Well I cannot begin to fathom what was going through Gipe’s mind as he wrote out this scene, nor (going one level deeper) can I imagine what he thought Doc Brown must have been thinking at this moment, because here is what is written with not a single word changed and with all emphasis in the book left intact:

“The appropriate question,” Doc Brown amended, “is not where are they, but where the hell are they?”

WHAT

WHAT

THAT IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE QUESTION, THAT’S THE EXACT SAME INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION WITH EXTRA PROFANITY ADDED IN

Ryan North is doing genius stuff over there.

Even better, Tuesday's entry even touched on the baseball world.

Page 64-67

Marty had never been shot at before, although he had once been beaned during a baseball game.

That’s awesome and I love it so much. Everyone should feel free to attach that last clause to any sentence you want to make more convincing! For example, I’ve never eaten giraffe meat before, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I've never seen such a perfectly written opening paragraph before, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game. How else can we make use of North's suggestion?

I've never really liked fish tacos before, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I can never remember what kind of gas to put in my car, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I wasn't able to choose just one Justin Bieber album to buy, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I can't decide if I should have an 11- or 12-man pitching staff, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I've never liked that pitchers don't bat in the American League anymore, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

I never understood how fans can look down on the sacrifice bunt these days, although I have once been beaned during a baseball game.

See? It works perfectly.

8 comments have been left for this article.

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Premium Article Prospects Will Break Y... (03/20)
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Wezen-Ball: Solution t... (03/20)
Next Column >>
Wezen-Ball: The Miami ... (03/26)
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