May 31, 2011
Where's My Robot Baseball?!
In case you were getting bored with the present-day version of baseball, the Weekly World News has a solution:
An amazing new baseball league for robots only is making the "old-fashioned human version" of the sport obsolete, say analysts who argue that no matter how many performance-enhancing steroids the superstars pop and lie about later, they'll never be able to compete with machines that...
The article goes onto include a list of some of the robo-players' feats, including throwing 475 mph fastballs, launching home run balls into orbit with their titanium bats, and signing up to 25 "autographs and product-endorsement deals" at a time. Other benefits of the league include the unpredictability of their play, with a Star Wars-like explosion after an outfield collision cited as a great example.
Farnsworth: He's good all right. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days when steroid injections were mandatory.
Man, now I just want to see robot ballplayers. When is Takira Nakamura going to get around to creating these leagues?