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June 26, 2006

The Week in Quotes

June 19-25

by Alex Carnevale

MAN. MYTH. DEADLINE QUOTE MACHINE.

"What a piece of [expletive] he is, [expletive] fag."
--White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti (Chicago Sun-Times)

"I don't think I'll be going, I don't think that'll happen."
--Guillen, on whether he would attend sensitivity training mandated by the commissioner's office (ESPNdeportes.com)

"I think the commissioner ordered that in order to calm things down, but, obviously, to attend one of those, I'll have to take English lessons first."
--Guillen

"I don't even know what [Selig] was saying. I have to ask the [Sox public-relations] department what I have to do. I might have to sit with Joey Cora a couple of hours before the game and try to learn."
--Guillen

"I'm not going to change. One thing I'm going to make clear is I apologize to the community, but to Jay? No chance. This thing is on and on for good."
--Guillen

"I went to the dictionary and learned different ways to say stuff to people. I got a couple of things to say in a couple of days to Jay Mariotti, and he might not like it. I'm going to continue to be the same way. I'm not going to change."
--Guillen

"If they want me to do it, make sure it's after 12 o'clock. I don't get up until after 12 o'clock."
--Guillen

OZZIE'S RAGTAG BAND OF SUPPORTERS

"It was a farce, a way for the scared little man, Bud Selig, to get people off his ass."
--former Braves pitcher John Rocker on how much he enjoyed his sensitivity training. (ESPN.com)

"I never paid a cent, a lot of players never pay a cent. It's just a front to look good and the way Selig cowers to pressure."
--Rocker, on his fine

"Yeah, Ozzie talks a lot. But at the same time, Jay Mariotti has a big mouth, too. If you want to tell people to be quiet, take his butt to sensitivity training."
--Carl Everett, an impartial observer (Seattle Times)

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

"What I get concerned with more than anything is my friend, my brother, going down a road that does not necessarily lend itself to longevity. We've all seen how the movie ends when things are flamed to the degree they are beginning to flame when he says things that are controversial."
--White Sox GM Kenny Williams (MLB.com)

"We'll just have to curtail some of the language as a whole. He knows that; we've discussed it and we'll leave it at that."
--Williams

"I won't be over the commissioner. [Selig] is the boss and Ozzie Guillen is nobody to be over the boss' head. When the man says something, baseball has to do it."
--Guillen

I DON'T PLAY DICE WITH THE UNIVERSE

"I know there are some people who believe it happened because of the tie. What really happened is that for years the All-Star Game had lost its zest, its verve. Guys didn't want to go. And the first year the game was for the home-field advantage, I watched both dugouts, and I could tell a difference. The players were on the top step."
--MLB commissioner Bud Selig, on home-field advantage being awarded to the league that wins the 2006 All-Star Game (Detroit Free Press)

"Look, change in this sport is difficult because this is a social institution whose own indigenous characteristics resist change. Just think what happened when I went to the wild card. You would think I had defiled motherhood."
--Selig

"People are critical about the All-Star Game: 'That's a tough way to determine home-field advantage in the World Series.' Well, did we have Einstein's theory of relativity before? 'One year you get it, next year I get it.' That's no stroke of genius."
--Selig

WALK IS THE RESIDUE OF DESIGN

"I looked at it and saw it was too close to the plate. And decided I would swing at it. It wasn't planned. They gave me time to wait and get ready to hit it. I've never done that before."
--Marlins 3B Miguel Cabrera, after smacking Orioles RP Todd Williams' attempt at intentionally walking him into right field to put his team ahead in the 10th inning (ESPN.com)

"I haven't seen anything like that before. I've seen a wild pitch on that, but never a hit."
--Marlins manager Joe Girardi

"I looked at it and saw it was too close to the plate. And decided I would swing at it. It wasn't planned. They gave me time to wait and get ready to hit it. I've never done that before."
--Cabrera

"If I throw a medium to hard throw, it's got a tendency to take off on me. It's one of those things I've always done on intentional walks. It was supposed to be outside, nowhere where he can hit it."
--Todd Williams, who got the loss. The Marlins won the game 8-5.

NO CRAZY HEADER

"I'm sorry it had to get public. Of course, it's embarrassing ... But my teammates have been great. They've been behind me 100 percent. That's all I've got."
--Phillies pitcher Brett Myers, charged with allegedly hitting his wife twice in the head outside their Boston hotel on Thursday night. (Boston Globe)

"He was dragging her by the hair and slapping her across the face. She was yelling, `I'm not going to let you do this to me anymore' ... She's a real small girl. It was awful."
--witness Courtney Knight

"It's a very sensitive issue, and I certainly think that anything that affects our players or affects the team, we take it very seriously. ... I don't know that it's an embarrassment."
--Phillies GM Pat Gillick (The New York Times)

"He had her on the ground. He was trying to get her to go, and she was resisting. She curled up and sat on the ground."
--Knight

"I think it's in the best interest of the club. He's our best pitcher."
--Gillick, on whether Myers would start against the Red Sox on Saturday.

"I watched him just haul off and smack her in the face ... This was violent. This was wrong."
--witness Sly Egidio (Boston Globe)

"I'm just going to give it my all every time out there."
--Myers, who allowed three runs on seven hits in his start.

"STUPIDITY TALKS, VANITY ACTS"

"The electronic filing by the Department of Justice was not as secure as it should have been. It is an unfortunate error, one that we regret, and we have since taken steps with the court to try to correct the problem."
--Los Angeles U.S. Attorney spokesman Thom Mrozek, in a prepared statement, on the fact that the redacted parts of the PDF (of the government's motion against Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams) could be seen by pasting the text into a word processing program

"Nobody offered me anything as I was aging in my career, especially inside that locker room. I had heard guys talk about it in other places, but never once in 15 years did I see a needle or any drugs. Maybe I had my head in the sand."
--former Red Sox catcher Mike Stanley, on Paxton Crawford's account of steroid use while Crawford was with the club in 2000 and 2001 (ESPN.com)

"If he admits to taking steroids, that's his fault. He shouldn't deface the organization by saying someone else told him to take it. That's stupid. To me he sounds like a guy who's bitter at the organization. He should be thankful they gave him an opportunity to play. No one forced him to take anything. I remember him not being too bright. That's what I remember about him."
--Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield, on Crawford's allegations

"I REALLY LOVE THE TOGETHERNESS IN BASEBALL."

"I threw 60 balls and one was put in play by A-Rod. I was like, 'Shoot, they don't have a chance.' I didn't prove anything right there. That was their first time seeing live pitching. I expressed myself the wrong way."
--former Mariners prospect Ryan Anderson (Seattle Times)

"Every day I came in, Griffey was sitting there in the front, with his hat backward, just waiting for me to come through the door. 'Oh, The Dominator is here. The best pitcher ever.' I had to sit there. You can't say a word. Day in and day out."
--Anderson, on how the Mariner veterans responded to his claims that he "dominated" them in an exhibition game

"It's funny now, but it put me through misery. The cool thing is, David Segui came up to me after the first day and said, 'Hang in there. Everyone likes you ... but you did dominate us.' That made me feel so much better."
--Anderson

A NEW CANDIDATE TO SUCCEED JIM BOWDEN?

"I'm actually feeling generous. I was going to offer to send a case of K-Y Jelly to the Mets' clubhouse. For as many guys that are prepared to use it. Give me a number."
--Anna Benson, wife of Orioles pitcher Kris Benson, on her husband beating his former team (New York Daily News)

"I like wearing stuff that won't get me robbed."
--Benson, on her jewelry

"I don't cry myself to sleep anymore."
--Benson, on if she's still upset her husband was traded out of New York.

"I was sitting up the whole time. But I'm a 34 Triple-D. You're gonna get cleavage no matter what I do."
--Benson, on the low-cut Mrs. Claus dress she wore at a Christmas party

"I regret my dress wasn't shorter and more low cut."
--Benson, on her one regret that night

THE REST

"If we're going to cheat, I'm going to tell [Juan] Uribe and [Brian] Anderson. Those two guys need it. They're hitting .190. If you know what's coming, I hope you'd hit a little bit higher."
--White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on whether or not his team was stealing signs after scoring 34 runs against the Cardinals in their three-game series (Chicago Tribune)

"VORP? Not a clue what that is. But if it's good, I'll take it!"
--A's outfielder/first baseman Nick Swisher (Sports Illustrated)

"Joe [Torre] said to me, 'You get Rowand out, we're going to win this ballgame.' That's exactly what happened. That's why he's the manager, I guess. It's like he predicted the future."
--Yankees rookie T.J. Beam (MLB.com)

"I'm not saying this is the case with the Angels, but some of these baseball publications seem to fall in love with certain organizations and help inflate the buildup. The proof is in the pudding. My view is that the Angels are definitely in the upper echelon of teams with legitimate prospects. If Bill wants to do something trade-wise, he's in position to do it."
--Blue Jays GM J.P. Riccardi (Los Angeles Times)

"It's appropriate to locate the nearest life preservers. I'll decide when it's actually time to put the life preservers on."
--Atlanta Braves GM John Schuerholz on his team's disappointing season (MLB.com)

"Don't make me bring the Scrabble board to the locker room. I will bring it."
--Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon, to a teammate during Saturday's Fox game

Alex Carnevale is an editorial assistant at Baseball Prospectus. He can be reached by clicking here.

Related Content:  Joe Benson,  The Who

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