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LIFE IS HARD ENOUGH WHEN YOU BELONG HERE

“I am deeply saddened whenever there is an allegation that a Major League Baseball player is involved in the use of performance-enhancing substances. Because this is an ongoing criminal investigation, I will not make any comment about this specific case. As a general matter, however, I urge everyone associated with Major League Baseball–from the players to the union to the owners–to cooperate with the ongoing investigations by the Federal government and by former Senator George Mitchell.”

–MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, responding to the Grimsley situation (MLB.com)

“Major League Baseball now has the strongest steroid testing program in professional sports. Human Growth Hormone, however, is a problem for all sports because there is no universally accepted and validated test–either blood or urine. No governing body in any sport has ever been able to discipline an athlete for the use of HGH. Major League Baseball understands that its policy must continue to evolve to keep pace with scientific development. To that end, Major League Baseball is in the process of funding a study by Dr. Donald Catlin to develop a urine test for Human Growth Hormone.”

–MLB Executive Vice President Rob Manfred

“Grimsley stated that —-, a former employee of the —- and personal fitness trainer to several Major League Baseball players, once referred him to an amphetamine source. Grimsley stated that after this referral he secured amphetamines, anabolic steroids and human growth hormone from —- (the redacted trainer’s) referred source.”

–the affadavit, from when Grimsley had his home searched. Names were redacted in the copy posted online (pdf link) (Arizona Republic)

“The attorney called me and said, ‘Here’s the ultimatum they just gave us: Either cooperate or we’re going to ruin your life.'”

–Grimsley’s agent Joe Bick, on how his client didn’t willingly surrender information on his ex-teammates

“There’s a misperception out there. If you’ve got a guy giving you the information you want, the affidavit never would have shown up. Nobody would have known anything about it.”

–Bick

“It’s a huge distraction for our team, but it is what it is.”

–D’backs left fielder Luis Gonzalez, on the Grimsley situation

“WAIT A MINUTE, YOU LITTLE CHEATER! YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT A ‘KWYJIBO’ IS.”

“We don’t condone cheating, and we are not going to compensate a cheater. In my mind, he probably owes us instead of us owing him. In my mind, what he is asking us to do if he files a grievance is, he’s asking us to pay him for not performing. And the reason he isn’t performing is because he is a cheater, and he acknowledged his cheating for a long period of time. This guy did no less than steal from us. It’s a shame we brought him here.”

–D’backs managing partner Ken Kendrick, on how he’s not paying the remainder of Jason Grimsley’s contract (East Valley Tribune)

“The reality to me is, I can’t imagine how a person with any sense of responsibility would spend a day with federal agents going through their home, not tell your boss or your co-workers that you had been through this, and you were told specifically that this would be a public matter.”

–Kendrick, on the April 19 search of Grimsley’s home

“We don’t condone cheating and we’re not going to compensate a cheater. Nobody from the Diamondbacks ever talked about compensating this player.”

–Kendrick (MLB.com)

“I’m just not in favor of rewarding somebody for the bad acts they’ve committed. This guy has had a career of cheating. He’s a representative of the culture of cheating and that’s something we’re not going to support at all.”

–Kendrick

“I’d rather take the money and give it to charity rather than give it to a player who doesn’t deserve it.”

–Kendrick

“We never talked to the agent about any compensation. We talked to the agent about the voluntary resignation, if you will. But officially, under the contract, termination is a formal matter and there are clauses under in which you terminate. We’re choosing to terminate under a clause that says he was unfit to play. He acknowledged that he was unfit to play. He asked for his release. Was he a distraction to the team? Yes. Was he fit to compete? No. We don’t think so.”

–Kendrick

PUT AWAY FORBIDDEN PLAYTHINGS

“If they start testing for Budweiser, I’d have to quit.”

–Detroit reliever Jamie Walker, responding to the Grimsley news (Detroit News)

“They’re not going to stop until they get what they want. The government is not going to quit. I just find it funny nobody else has skeletons in their closet except baseball players.”

–Detroit reliever Todd Jones

“I played with (Grimsley). Everybody makes choices, some better than others. He got a lot of pressure put on him because he’s not that kind of guy. He wouldn’t give up players’ names. There must have been a lot of heat on him.”

–Jones

“Obviously there’s a problem, but I never knew it. It makes me think how many jobs I got passed over for guys who were injecting themselves. It kind of makes me mad.”

–Walker

“I bet there are some people sweating it right now–especially if he named names. It’s a black eye, but everything is a black eye. David Glass owning the Royals, to me, is a black eye because he owns half of Wal-Mart. But I’m a different person. I’m not politically correct.”

–Walker

“These fans here in Chicago are a black eye, cussing when there are kids around. I mean it’s just bad for baseball.”

–Walker, on other problems in baseball

“It’s huge. Absolutely it’s more mud for the game. The fact that I’ll look back when I’m done playing and think that I had to play in the generation of steroids and HGH (human growth hormone) is sad.”

–Detroit catcher Vance Wilson

“I always said that my biggest regret about the big leagues is that I didn’t get to play 25 years ago when you hated the other team. It’s just another real low. The money now is nice. I don’t want to give it back. But it was a game back then. It’s entertainment now.”

–Vance Wilson

“I’ve never had one player I was suspicious about being on steroids. To this day, I’m not sure I know what they are.”

–Detroit manager Jim Leyland

EVERYBODY CARES, EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS

“Lew’s 0-for-9, but he really had a good [batting practice] round today. And he stayed at a Holiday Inn [Express] last night.”

–Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, on finding offense in his lineup (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

“I said, ‘Can you please start to play good so I don’t have to talk about you? If you play good, I’ll talk about you. If you don’t, you won’t be playing here.'”

–Guillen, on the pep talk he gave struggling rookie Brian Anderson (Chicago Sun-Times)

“If he doesn’t hit a home run, it’s ‘Boooo!’ That’s rough. But I’ll take the boos for $25 million.”

–Oakland outfielder Milton Bradley, on Alex Rodriguez (New York Times)

“Like our club, I’m falling apart.”

–Yankees GM Brian Cashman, after a reporter pointed out a tear in his jacket (Boston Globe)

WE’RE COMPUTERIZING AND WE JUST DON’T NEED YOU ANY MORE

“I don’t want any credit. I’m not looking for credit. You know what? I don’t want any blame if we’re horse (bleep), either.”

–Detroit manager Jim Leyland, on getting credit for Detroit’s competitiveness this year (Daily Southtown)

“I don’t think he’s a good manager. He’s not. He finished last in Colorado. I think he’s got a good ballclub.”

–White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on Leyland

“I see a lot of real bad managers win with good players. I’ve never seen a horse (bleep) team win with a good manager.”

–Guillen

“Everybody hates Dusty. He was a good manager when he got here. Now what happened to him? He drink the wrong water?”

–Guillen

“If you take the exact same team and take two different managers–and this is where I think a manager could make a difference–one personality happens to click with that team and another one doesn’t. It doesn’t mean that the personality that clicks knows more about baseball than the other guy. It’s just that for whatever reason, one personality clicks better than somebody else’s. I can take my style of handling people and go somewhere else and it might not work worth a damn. I can take it here, it might work.”

–Leyland

“I don’t like computers. Period. I don’t even know how to turn one on. They intimidate me.”

–Leyland, on computers (Detroit News)

“I have no idea what Google or Goggle is–and couldn’t care less.”

–Leyland

THE REST

“I didn’t even ask him about it. I just figured I would need to pick something else.”

–Lexington third baseman Eric Cavers, who wore number 22, on giving up his number to the rehabbing Roger Clemens (New York Times)

“I can remember my first amphetamine. I was out all night drinking with Andy Hawkins and some of the guys on the team. I was a young player. I came in. I was hung over, sleeping by my locker. And all of a sudden, [Don] Mattingly came to me and said, ‘Hey, you’re in the lineup.’ And I went, ‘What?’ He goes, ‘Yeah, I just hurt my back.’ Now I’m walking around, I’m going, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to do this. There’s no way that I can go play this game today.’ I ran into my teammate who I knew had some of the ‘little helpers,’ as they called them. He said, ‘Take one of these. It should help. It’ll take the edge off.’ So sure enough, I took one. He goes, ‘OK, you can take two, but no more than two.’ So I popped one more, and I went out and went 3-for-4 with two homers.”

–former Yankee Jim Leyritz, on his first greenie (New York Newsday)

“Every time I see a kid in the clubhouse, I ask whose it is, and it’s always Uribe’s. Maybe he has 20, I don’t know.”

–White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on the offspring of shortstop Juan Uribe (Chicago Sun-Times)

“I don’t know what kind of kid you’re going to be when you’re born on 6-6-6. If he’s like his dad, he’s going to be a problem.”

–Guillen, on Uribe’s fourth child, born June sixth

“He’s been talking a lot of crap lately, so I had to trot around the bases.”

–White Sox starter Mark Buehrle, on what he did after hitting a home run off Tim Raines in batting practice

“We had a ratty old couch and a little TV. We walk in and there’s all this here. It’s awesome. You can’t appreciate it enough.”

–Lexington catcher David Kady, on Roger Clemens fixing up the clubhouse. Clemens bought the team a 42-inch plasma screen TV, a 20-inch TV, a microwave oven, DVD player and a VCR, four leather couches and two love seats (Houston Chronicle)

“Costly. I’ve told everybody already that these are Christmas presents, so don’t come at me in December asking for something else.”

–Detroit outfielder and Chicago native Curtis Granderson, on getting tickets for 26 friends and family members for the four road trips to Chicago (Detroit News)

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