March 22, 2006
2006--Setting the Stage
This Year in Quotes
So, you want me, of all people, to predict the future. If I had been blessed with such powers, wouldn't I have left my childhood playthings in their original boxes and auctioned them years later on eBay at great personal gain? Would I not have taken my allowance as a kid and bought Wal-Mart stock? Wouldn't I have targeted which of the girls in my high school was bound to be the most prosperous and latched onto her for a free coast through life? Those are just the sorts of things I would have done. And then, I'd have the money to hire out somebody to make these predictions for me.
Instead, I am left to do so under my own steam. While I don't think I can tell you what will happen this year, I have every faith in my ability to tell you what won't happen. For instance, you won't be seeing the likes of these in This Week in Quotes in 2006:
"This kid had one heckuva SNLVAR at Double A last year, Jon. His translations look great."
"Welcome to Scott Rolen Day!"
"Vaya a América y busque su fortuna."
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, how may I be of service to you?"
"We liked the way he looked in the uniform. He was also real polite to our scouts."
"Soriano leaps high in the air, reaches over the fence--he's…got it! An amazing catch, robbing Derrek Lee of a sure home run!"
"What do you mean sold out? I drove all the way from Jacksonville to see this game!!!"
"…this marks the ninety-fourth consecutive game in which Juan Gonzalez has appeared."
"How hard did I hit that pitch? There's only one thing I can compare it to: the Big Bang. You know what I'm talking about with that? That's when all of the matter and energy of space was contained at one point and it blew up. This wasn't any conventional explosion either, but something that filled all of space with all of the particles of the embryonic universe speeding away in all different directions. That's how hard I hit it."
"The important thing is we're trying."
"Rivera throws. There's a long drive. It's gonna be, I believe--The Royals win the pennant! The Royals win the pennant! The Royals win the pennant! The Royals win the pennant! Reggie Sanders hits into the lower deck of the left-field stands! The Royals win the pennant! And they're going crazy! They're going crazy! Oh-ho!"