What follows is my final column of 2004. The year is drawing to a close, and I’m going on a brief hiatus so that I can finish a book I’m working on (more self-serving details on that at a later time) and generally reassemble my sanity after what’s been a frantic and busy year.
I thought I’d leave you with my 49 (mostly) baseball wishes for 2005. Despite my fondness for tidy rankings, these are in no particular order:
- For Carlos Beltran to re-sign with the Astros, even though that’s not in the best interest of my favorite team.
- That Barry Bonds‘ assault on Hank Aaron‘s career home run record comes to grief.
- That Felix Hernandez keeps it up for about the next 15 years.
- That ESPN gets out of the movie business.
- That Jake Peavy begins to get the attention he merits.
- That the World Series goes seven games.
- That someone besides yours truly will acknowledge the haunting resemblance between Dominic West and Brian Daubach.
- That the Devil Rays give B.J. Upton a chance to stick at shortstop.
- That Andy Marte turns out to be as good as I think he’s going to be.
- That someone other than the Red Sox or Yankees wins the American League.
- That Matt Clement loses that lamentable goatee.
- That Joe Mauer cobbles together a healthy season.
- That George Will, if he won’t retire altogether, decides to stick to partisan political hackery and pass on writing about baseball for the rest of recorded time.
- That Moises Alou stops bitching so much.
- That the Yankees are duly punished for the ill-considered contracts they doled out to Jaret Wright and Carl Pavano.
- That we see no more “Braves New World,” “Bronx Zoo” or “Houston, You Have a Problem” headlines dragged howling from the vaults.
- That Larry Dierker winds up managing again before season’s end.
- That Bert Blyleven and Ron Santo get elected to the Hall of Fame.
- That I somehow manage to muster at least a passing interest in the All-Star Game.
- That people are disabused of the notion that athletes in particular and society in general are responsible for raising their children.
- That the fans of whatever team Carlos Delgado signs with don’t mindlessly boo him for his act of political dissent last season.
- That someone explains to me why it was necessary to sign David Eckstein to a three-year deal.
- That the Phillies don’t do something irredeemably stupid like start Chase Utley ahead of Placido Polanco.
- That the good folks of Minnesota continue refusing to buy Carl Pohlad a place to do business.
- That some band somewhere–of, I hope, inestimable musical capabilities–releases a concept album titled, “Museum of Questionable Medical Devices.”
- That I find time this year to go back and re-read large doses of Leonard Koppett.
- That Curtis Pride continues drawing a paycheck.
- That writers and fans realize the A’s are still doing just fine.
- That Ben Christensen carelessly fritters away whatever’s left of the bonus money he got from the Cubs.
- That Brandon McCarthy starts getting more ink/bandwidth.
- That Ray Lankford and Ellis Burks, two of my favorite ballplayers, enjoy the hell out of their retirements (should they retire, of course).
- That somewhere I stumble across exhaustive minor league groundball/flyball data.
- That you at least think about adopting a shelter dog.
- That Rick Ankiel doesn’t throw a wild pitch all year.
- That Long Gone is finally released on DVD.
- That Stephen Drew and Jered Weaver sign soon.
- That things in D.C., generally speaking, go horribly wrong for the Nationals.
- That we as a people finally acknowledge that Conan is way better than Leno or Letterman.
- That Detroit city officials decide to make Tiger Stadium into some kind of museum.
- That an eccentric millionaire pledges to give me $100 for every ball that finds the gap against the Giants’ “stone golem” outfield.
- For the use of the infernal “God Bless America” to be relegated strictly and forevermore to the seventh-inning stretches of games played on patriotic holidays.
- That Cole Hamels makes it through another season without giving up a home run.
- That more people appreciate the gifts of Adam Dunn.
- That the habit of pairing dark jerseys with light pants goes away forever.
- That Albert Pujols wins the NL MVP.
- That Pete Rose continues to drift from the national consciousness.
- That “ER” is finally–God in heaven finally–cancelled.
- That MLB finds a methadone for its addiction to corporate welfare.
- That 2005 is even better than 2004 in every way for you and yours.
Thank you for reading
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