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BP Unfiltered: The Worst Possible Reshuffling of MLB Cities and MLB Team Names, Probably

March 10, 2016
Create your own scenario for why this would happen, and roll with it:

Arizona Mariners
Atlanta Yankees
Los Angeles Rangers
Oakland Pirates
Houston Mets
Toronto Padres
Detroit Diamondbacks
New York Blue Jays
Colorado Orioles
Chicago Reds
Kansas City Rockies
St. Louis Twins
Tampa Bay Cardinals
Los Angeles Dodgers
Washington Brewers
San Francisco Braves
Cleveland Marlins
Seattle Rays
Miami Giants
New York Indians
Baltimore Phillies
San Diego Cubs
Philadelphia Royals
Pittsburgh Tigers
Texas Nationals
Cincinnati A's
Boston White Sox
Minnesota Astros
Chicago Red Sox
Milwaukee Angels of Anaheim

What a stupid league that would be.

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Sam Miller

 

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rparker1983
3/10
I just laughed out loud at work and caused a disturbance
Reply to rparker1983
russell
3/10
Shouldn't it be the Los Angeles Indians of Anaheim?
Reply to russell
russell
3/10
Nevermind. Yours is better. I missed the last entry
Reply to russell
tlowell5
3/10
The Atlanta Yankees might not make it to the field alive.
Reply to tlowell5
mattgold
3/10
Actually, the worst ones are those already in use in the NBA: the Los Angeles Lakers and the Utah Jazz.
Reply to mattgold
woodlc05
3/10
I really enjoyed this. However, I think you have two Reds (Houston and Seattle) and no Mets.
Reply to woodlc05
lyricalkiller
3/10
Thanks! It's a living document, and has been updated.
Reply to lyricalkiller
BrewersTT
3/11
Wouldn't the commissioner need to approve such a name change before you edit the page? Having two Reds isn't necessarily prohibited. The CFL had Roughriders and Rough Riders for years. The Southeastern Conference has two Tigers and two Bulldogs. When in Bedlam, go mad like the Bedlamites.
Reply to BrewersTT
HalfStreet
3/10
I enjoy the exercise, thanks! However, I think the Oakland Pirates might actually be a logical partner to Oakland Raiders, like the Detroit Tigers and Detroit Lions.

Thinking about my team and area, though, I would have to say that DC and Northern Virginia have some pretty fine brewers, to be sure. Come to the Snallygaster event to meet many of them. It is a hard position to be in, though, because most of the baseball cities probably have craft breweries that would put the beers that made Milwaukee famous to shame.
Reply to HalfStreet
touchstoneQu
3/13
Okay. Going outside the boundaries of the exercise now -- which is crazy, I know -- but the Provo Brewers would be the worst blend of city and mascot name.

I love the Atlanta Yankees. Also, the Pittsburgh Phillies would make a lot of people angry.

Also, I think the Chicago Red Sox and Boston White Sox is be the most infuriating team/city swap I could imagine.
Reply to touchstoneQu
HalfStreet
3/10
Thinking a little further, Miami Giants would only make sense for a little while, because Trump continues to call Rubio "Little Marco."
Reply to HalfStreet
jfranco77
3/11
I would like the Rays to be in Seattle since they get the least sun. I'd also like the Reds to be in Colorado since Colorado means "colored red"
Reply to jfranco77
lyricalkiller
3/11
I am granting you the Seattle Rays. Very good one.
Reply to lyricalkiller
lipitorkid
3/11
1. Texas Giants
2. London Royals
3. This is harder than it looks.
Reply to lipitorkid
morro089
3/11
I say switch St. Louis and Arizona. St. Louis at least has a river running through it and I think of St. Louis's twin as East St. Louis and I'm sure they wouldn't like that very much. I also like Seattle Astros given that they would only be able to launch rockets in Seattle during the 3 dry months, but Rays still trumps.

My worst favorites:
- Philadelphia Royals
- Toronto Padres
- Seattle Rays
- Texas Nationals

New York Twins might be the worst place for that nickname, but as a person who writes on the internet I understand your choice not to use it.
Reply to morro089
lyricalkiller
3/11
I approved your proposed St. Louis/Arizona switch, primarily for the AZ argument.
Reply to lyricalkiller
BrewersTT
3/11
Maybe the Twins belong in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, so they tell me.
Reply to BrewersTT
bwright25
3/12
Simple switch. Miami Brewers and Washington Giants.

Tropical Brewers?

How can a any washington fan cheer for the Giants.
Reply to bwright25
jerpink
3/12
Can't help but think Boston would be more than OK with their team being called the White Sox. (I'll show myself out...)
Reply to jerpink
yadenr
3/12
Philadelphia Rockies!
Reply to yadenr
lyricalkiller
3/12
Philadelphia Royals and Kansas City Rockies are perhaps the two least debatable matchups on this list.
Reply to lyricalkiller
garciamckinley
3/13
Colorado Orioles is sneaky good because of of the two Os. You have to say it Colorado Worioles.
Reply to garciamckinley
Mario66
3/14
A lot of beer fans would have an issue with St. Louis Brewers.

Cleveland and Atlanta's nicknames are equally bad when paired with any city.
Reply to Mario66