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Previous entries in this series:

“He who drafts relief prospects in dynasty leagues should be careful lest he thereby become a relief pitcher. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.” —Christian Friedrich Nietzsche

Names for 2016

Dylan Bundy, Orioles
“The point is there ain't no point.” —Cormac McCarthy

Remember when we all said Bundy was one of the safest pitching prospects in recent memory? Good times. Bundy has thrown 172 1/3 IP in the span of four seasons since being drafted. He’s battled nonstop injuries, dealt with Tommy John and coped with a balky shoulder, and now, thanks to his MLB deal, he’s got to spend 2016 in the majors of the O’s want to keep him. That means Bundy is destined for the bullpen, and while hope remains that Bundy will some day cross back into the world of starters, it’s probably unlikely at this point. What is dead may never die.

Francellis Montas, Dodgers
“If we believe in nothing, if nothing has any meaning and if we can affirm no values whatsoever, then everything is possible and nothing has any importance.” —Albert Camus

Montas has a totally unique profile for a pitching prospect in that he can remain a starter if he improves his command and adds a reliable third pitch. Oh wait. That’s not unique at all. That’s literally every tweener pitching prospect. The good news is Montas will be worth owning in deep leagues/holds leagues even if he ends up as a non-closer RP because of his strikeout potential. The bad news is that’s a pretty likely outcome, and that someday Montas, like all your loved ones, will fade into nothing.

Alex Meyer, Twins
“Maybe we really are made of the same clay, maybe we really are condemned, blameless, to the same, identical mediocrity.” —Elena Ferrante

Yes, Meyer is still prospect-eligible. That’s because he was so unwieldy in Triple-A last year that the surprisingly competitive Twins couldn’t give him more than two MLB appearances. It’s hardly a shock that Meyer needed to be shifted to the bullpen—he was always a long shot to survive in the rotation—but it’s a disappointment given the bats he missed in the upper minors. Glen Perkins is 33 and Meyer definitely has closer upside, but the Twins have a ton of talented young relievers who will compete with him for future saves. You have never been closer to death than you are at this moment.

Michael Feliz, Astros
“There must be somebody there, because somebody must have said "Nobody.” —A.A. Milne

Like Montas, but with better command and less swing-and-miss. His last name will likely become ironic.

Mychal Givens, Orioles
“What's disappointing is that it's just another mold, you leave one cliche and end up right back in another. Not really that subversive or out of control.” —Virginie Despentes

This article has been a tad bit depressing to date, but if you’re looking for a darkhorse candidate to close at some point in 2016, Givens is a decent bet. He’s not better than Zach Britton, but considering Britton is a pitcher who could crumble and break at any moment, Givens could get a shot as one of the remaining arms with among the most upside in Baltimore’s bullpen. If this blurb has you feeling good, just remember that instead of thinking of Givens as a promising reliever, you can think of him as a failed shortstop. Which, really, we all are.

Nick Wittgren, Marlins
“There is no other world. Nor even this one. What, then, is there? The inner smile provoked in us by the patent nonexistence of both.” —Emil Cioran

With Carter Capps out for the year with Tommy John surgery, the door opens a little wider for Wittgren, who dominated Triple-A last season to the tune of a 25.5 percent strikeout rate and 3.2 percent walk rate. He doesn’t get anywhere near as much attention as some of the names above him on this list, but Wittgren is an excellent sleeper option for next year, and he has the rare ability to contribute solidly in WHIP as well as K, ERA and maybe saves. His arm will likely fall off in June.

Kyle Crick, Giants
“Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can't be communicated to others.” —Gorgias

Future Ace Kyle Crick turned out to be like Future President Jeb Bush or Future Omelette Humpty Dumpty; it just didn’t happen. Crick long foreshadowed a move to the bullpen with his walk rate and scattershot arm angle. The Giants finally moved him to a reliever role last season, but that didn’t stop Crick from walking more than a batter per inning. Yes, you read that right. Crick can miss bats almost as often as he misses the plate, but he’s got a long way to go if he wants to earn saves someday. Expect nothing and you will not be crushed by disappointment.

Luis Perdomo, Padres
“In the chain of events, it is arbitrary to be sentimental about the passing of any one link.” —Johnny Rich

A Rule 5 pick by the Padres via St. Louis, Perdomo could get a chance to hang in San Diego’s bullpen. It’s tough to say what he’ll do there, given his MiLB track record as a starter and his lack of experience above High-A, but a high-upside reliever in Petco is always interesting. Until you realize that, in the grand scheme of things, none of this matters.

Tayron Guerrero, Padres
"Why do we argue? Life's so fragile, a successful virus clinging to a speck of mud, suspended in endless nothing.” —Alan Moore

Only one of Guerrero or Perdomo can be relevant next year. Choose wisely. Which is to say don’t choose either.

Others: Jacob Lindgren, NYY; Sam Tuivailala, STL; Pat Light, BOS; Carl Edwards Jr., CHC; Josh Osich, SF; Tyler Danish, CHW; Jose Ramirez, ATL; Adrian Houser, MIL; Nick Burdi, MIN; Jacob Rhame, LAD; Michael Cederoth, MIN; Mauricio Cabrera, ATL; Yaisel Sierra, LAD; Seung Hwan Oh, STL; Tony Barnette, TEX; Whoever, Your Team

Name for 2017 and The Great Beyond

Joe Jimenez, Tigers
“Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance.” —Jual-Paul Sartre

Every low-minors relief prospect is Joe Jimenez, and Joe Jimenez is every low-minors relief prospect. He throws hard. He gets out. He has a secondary weapon. He will fail. And someday, we will all die.

Others: Whatever MiLB reliever you like. Probably whatever MiLB starter, too.

We Hardly Knew Ye (Fantasy Value)
Whatever MiLB reliever you like
Probably whatever MiLB starter, too

Thank you for reading

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jem1776
3/09
Every baseball writer who quotes Cormac McCarthy should be in the HOF. Thanks for great stuff.

“Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”
― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
adrock
3/09
In cosmic, or even terrestrial significance, it matters not one whit, but there's a typo in Jean-Paul Sartre's name in the Joe Jiminez blurb.
Deadheadbrewer
3/09
Nothing about that one low-minors reliever whose name I once heard? Couldn't he . . . (sigh.) Never mind, it doesn't matter.
BenC22
3/09
This guy gets it.
lowguppy
3/09
Fantasy article of the year.
BCermak
3/09
That Camus quote is remarkably uplifting
Jethro
3/09
Outstanding. Great quotes and some sleepers that I actually had to look up. Outside of Bundy, who unfortunately, I already have rostered.