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January 28, 2004

Can Of Corn

Rocky Mountain High

by Dayn Perry

Sometimes I'm easily confused. Watching Jane Campion films makes me feel like a monkey trying to open a coconut. I'm puzzled as to how Napster hopes to achieve substantive market penetration without having Ratt's "Way Cool Junior" on its play list. Oh, and I'm also perplexed by what the Rockies are doing this winter--which is what this little piece of bandwidth is all about.

I've never met Roockies GM Dan O'Dowd, but I know people who have. By all accounts, he's a heady, intellectually curious guy with an open mind. That's why his club's off-season machinations are especially troubling. The Rockies have--rightly, I think--perceived the NL West to be on a down cycle and, ergo, in a winnable condition. But how they've gone about positioning themselves as a contender makes no sense to me.

To wit, Colorado has gone out and signed Jeromy Burnitz, Vinny Castilla, and Royce Clayton. What's more is that they apparently have starting jobs in mind for each member of this nefarious troika.

Burnitz's combined numbers last season were .239/.299/.487--some power but a patently unacceptable OBP for a corner defender. He was playing half his games in Dodger and Shea Stadiums--unaccommodating environs, both--but he'll be 35 two weeks into the 2004 season. Burnitz doesn't profile as a player who will age with Pfeifferian aplomb, and his inability to hit for average in recent seasons means his rate stats as a whole will likely remain below tolerable levels.

And then there's Vinny. Admittedly, he had a remotely passable season in 2003, but at its core it was still, well, remotely passable. Castilla hit .277/.310/.461 and finished fifth in VORP among NL third basemen. We know he's not going to get on base, but it's possible he could hit for decent power. His SLGs since his first dose of Coorsifornication have been .308, .467, .348 and last season's .461. He'll turn 37 before the All-Star break and, given the inconsistency in his power numbers over the last four seasons, is a safe bet only with regard to his insatiable appetite for choking down outs at the plate.

What can I say about Royce Clayton that hasn't already been said? He's got a decent glove (but not outstanding by any measure), but he hasn't had anything resembling a productive season at the plate since Boy Bands were all the rage. He's 34, and, after adjusting for park effects, he'll have trouble slugging .350 or posting a .310 OBP. That's three additions to the lineup that could combine for close to 2,000 plate appearances and make outs 68 to 69 percent of the time.