CSS Button No Image Css3Menu.com

Baseball Prospectus home
Click here to log in Click here for forgotten password Click here to subscribe

<< Previous Article
The Lineup Card: 10 He... (04/02)
<< Previous Column
BP Unfiltered: So What... (04/03)
Next Column >>
BP Unfiltered: This We... (04/04)
Next Article >>
Fantasy Article Free Agent Watch: Week... (04/03)

April 3, 2014

BP Unfiltered

Ranking the Retirement Gifts: Houston Astros

by Ben Lindbergh

Thanks to the well-timed retirements of Chipper Jones, Mariano Rivera, and Derek Jeter, we've been plagued by treated to back-to-back-to back retirement tours in 2012, 2013, and now 2014. Ostensibly, the most memorable aspect of these final laps around the league is the chance to get a last glimpse at an outgoing great, but we all know that what we really remember is each team’s choice of retirement gift. I don’t remember Jones’ ceremony in San Diego, but I do remember that the Padres gave him a surfboard. I don’t recall how the Rays recognized Rivera, but I’ll never be able to unsee the creepy golem-like sand structure they created for the occasion. And so on.

Now that we’ve built up a considerable sample of recent retirement tour gifts, we can attempt to answer a few questions this season: Which retirement tour yielded the greatest gifts? Have some teams given the same gift more than once? And is the quality of the gifts increasing or decreasing over time?

To answer these important questions, I’ll be comparing the gifts Jeter gets this season to the ones Jones and Rivera received. However, in order to make this exercise more sabermetrically sound and eliminate all confounding factors, we’ll be judging each retirement tour's gifts against the same baseline. Only gifts given by teams that honored all three retirees will be considered.

The most recent retirement tour kicked off on Wednesday, as the Astros bent the knee to the Yankees’ shortstop. Houston was a stop on all three farewell tours, despite what George Costanza said, so our first opportunity to rank retirement gifts has already arrived.

3rd Place: Chipper Jones, April 9, 2012
Stetson hat

Analysis: Pretty much the bare minimum. Basically, the Astros’ PR department forgot to get a gift, remembered at the last second, then grabbed a hat off the first fan they saw wearing one on their way down to the field. It’s a gift, but one without any evidence of forethought or custom craftsmanship. Ranking this third is an easy call. I’d put it lower if I could.

2nd Place: Mariano Rivera, September 29, 2013

Analysis: It’s a bit garish, and he’ll probably hang it in his least-trafficked hallway when the Astros aren’t visiting, but at least it’s tailored to the individual and took some time to produce.

1st Place: Derek Jeter, April 2, 2013
Stetson hat, pinstriped boots, golf clubs

Analysis: You have to wonder whether the Astros recycled the Stetson after Chipper wore it once and “accidentally” left it in the darkest corner of the visiting clubhouse. Nonetheless, the hat was only one-third of the Captain's take, so we know that Jeter outdid Jones. The boots are an affront to nature, and only someone with Joe Pepitone’s sense of style could possibly pull them off. The golf clubs seem like something Jeter probably would have bought himself by now, but at least they’re easier to re-gift than a personalized painting.

Jeter wins the first stop on the retirement tour easily, collecting the top tribute in terms of quality and quantity.

2014 Retirement Tour Standings (Points)
Jeter 3
Rivera 2
Jones 1

Ben Lindbergh is an author of Baseball Prospectus. 
Click here to see Ben's other articles. You can contact Ben by clicking here

9 comments have been left for this article. (Click to hide comments)

BP Comment Quick Links


Should these rankings include some sort of normalization based upon how often the player has visited each city in the past? For example, Chipper played at Houston 67 times in his career, while Jeter has played in Houston only 5 times - making his haul even more impressive. Can't wait to see what the Red Sox give him.

Apr 03, 2014 03:48 AM
rating: 3
Scott Kramer

My assumption is that the Red Sox will give him pasta diving equipment.

Apr 03, 2014 07:44 AM
rating: 3

I was just having this discussion with my daughter the other day - I wonder what the Astros got Jeter for a going-away gift? Thanks so much for this - please keep this series going all year!

Apr 03, 2014 06:34 AM
rating: 0

This is a great, highly entertaining feature. Hope you continue it throughout the year, Ben!

Apr 03, 2014 07:25 AM
rating: 3

Will any team be cheeky enough to give Jeter a gift basket?

Apr 03, 2014 08:23 AM
rating: 9
Scott Kramer

Or to just completely ignore his retirement tour?

Apr 03, 2014 09:05 AM
rating: 4

Another thing to adjust for is the timing. Look at the date on the Chipper entry -- that was one of the first stops, if not the first. There really wasn't anything to compare to. The hat probably didn't look quite so lame at the time...

Apr 03, 2014 08:56 AM
rating: 2

So even though the painting is a little loud, I would actually rank it above the boots/hat/golf clubs, because it takes some self-deprecation to celebrate a stellar career from a Yankee in so many moments depicted when realizing how bad the Astros have been over the same period.

Apr 03, 2014 09:58 AM
rating: 0

I wonder which team is gonna give Jeter something he really needs....like a range.

Apr 03, 2014 13:10 PM
rating: 1
You must be a Premium subscriber to post a comment.
Not a subscriber? Sign up today!
<< Previous Article
The Lineup Card: 10 He... (04/02)
<< Previous Column
BP Unfiltered: So What... (04/03)
Next Column >>
BP Unfiltered: This We... (04/04)
Next Article >>
Fantasy Article Free Agent Watch: Week... (04/03)

Fantasy Article Free Agent Watch: Week Nine
West Coast By Us: Yo
Premium Article Minor League Update: Games of Thursday, May ...
Premium Article Rubbing Mud: Context is King
Premium Article Daisy Cutter: How the Kipnis Got His TAv
Premium Article What You Need to Know: Another Day, Another ...
Premium Article Release Points: Where Have You Gone, Stephen...

Pitcher Profile: New Arms (and Pitches) of t...
Premium Article Skewed Left: The Revolving Door Rankings
Premium Article What You Need to Know: Derek Norris Finds th...
BP Top 101 Prospects
Premium Article An Agent's Take: Spring Training from the Ag...
Fantasy Article Free Agent Watch: Week One
The BP Wayback Machine: Another Opening Day

2014-04-04 - Premium Article Overthinking It: Is Dexter Fowler Tough Enou...
2014-04-04 - BP Daily Podcast: Effectively Wild Episode 4...
2014-04-03 - BP Daily Podcast: Effectively Wild Episode 4...
2014-04-03 - BP Unfiltered: Ranking the Retirement Gifts:...
2014-04-02 - BP Daily Podcast: Effectively Wild Episode 4...
2014-04-02 - BP Unfiltered: Do the Rays Have a Drug Probl...
2014-04-01 - Premium Article Overthinking It: Takeaways from Opening Day

2014-04-05 - Premium Article BP Unfiltered: 2014 Top Prospects Compilatio...
2014-04-04 - BP Unfiltered: 32 Predictions Contest Respon...
2014-04-04 - BP Unfiltered: This Week's New Pitching Line...
2014-04-03 - BP Unfiltered: Ranking the Retirement Gifts:...
2014-04-03 - BP Unfiltered: So What Was Daniel Murphy Doi...
2014-04-02 - BP Unfiltered: Do the Rays Have a Drug Probl...
2014-03-30 - BP Unfiltered: Beware of Bias in Predicted T...

2014-05-16 - BP Unfiltered: Ranking the Retirement Gifts:...