August 21, 2003
In early August, the Mariners demanded money for their playoff strips. You get to pay up front for every possible home game, plus a non-refundable handling fee (a ridiculous $35). In the past, I've complained about this a little, particularly the absurdity of having to pay for hypothetical one-game playoffs at the end of the season. It's all part of their plan to get your money earlier and earlier, and what they don't take in in non-refundable fees, they stick in a bank and rack up interest dollars. With seven teams in each league able to hit their fans up for playoff money with a straight face, that works out to be a lot of money.
I want baseball to be healthy. Other sports are edging ahead of baseball when it comes to outrageous fees (you might get to pay to stay on the waiting list for season tickets, for instance). So in the interest of keeping my favorite sport ahead of the times, I'd like to present my bill for the 2010 Seattle Mariners playoff strip, presented to me by a time-traveling me (who annoyingly refuses to give me betting advice, stock market tips, or even to travel further back in time and give high-school Derek a particularly important piece of information on one of my/his/our girlfriends that would have prevented a lot of misery all around):
February 1st, 2010
Item Total Cost First Division or League Tie-breaker $130 Second Division or League Tie breaker $130 3 home games, Wild Card Playoffs $540 3 home games, Divisional Playoffs $810 4 home games, League Championship $2,160 4 home games, Microsoft World Series at $5,000 the Tokyo Dome Presented by MasterCard Transaction Charge $20 Handling Fee $100 Shipping $5 Convenience Fee $20 Invoicing Fee $5 Receipt Fee $5 Ticket Usage Charge $18 Zip+4 Lookup $1 Account Maintenance $7.50 Coors Light MLB Playoff Fan Inside Pitch Club Membership $80 Voluntary Donation to Mariners Charity Fund* $200 Seat Rental Deposit** $500 Incurred Seat> Depreciation Cost $20 Indirect Unit Cost Adjustment $20 Ticket Value Appreciation Projection $120 Payment Holding Fee $40 Advance Ticket Availability Charge $40 Ticket Ownership Verification $10 Payment Method Surcharge $12 TicketMaster Fee $40 Reverse Payment Debit $33 Bank Interchange Fee $4 Inflation Insurance $22 Printing Fee for World Series Collectable Paper Tickets featuring lithographs of Major League Baseball Commissioner Bob DuPuy by local artists $30 Commissioner DuPuy Likeness Licensing Fee $40 Material Cost for High Test Ticket Stock and Related Incurred Expenses $10 Authentic MLB Logo Hologram Option (required with all paper tickets) $10 MLB Concession Card Prepayment $200 Alcohol Consumption License $100 Multi-page Invoice Fee $1 Ticket Value Depreciation Guarantee $10 Ticket Holding Fee $50 Currency Exchange Fee for Potential Canadian Games $20 Late Fee Protection Charge $10 Competitive Fan Balance Tax*** $2,500 Bank Error $7 Commissioner Tithe $80 Refund Guarantee Fee**** $100 Pre-Line Item Accounting Charge $57 Sub-total $13,317.50 17% Gratuity $2,273.16 PAY THIS AMOUNT $15,581.48 Payment in full is due by May 1, 2010.
* A donation of at least $200 is required to be eligible to purchase playoff tickets. This is not combined with the donation required to purchase season tickets
1. Under the Fee Reporting Act, our certified rate of partial or full refunds for this deposit in the calendar year 2009 was 82.3%