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May 21, 2013

The Stash List

Jurickson Profar's Valedictorian Speech

by Bret Sayre


"Fellow prospects, rehabbers, suspension servers and major leaguers awaiting the roles you were meant to fill,


The Stash List has not only been a place for all of us to be highlighted for our potential, but a community for the nearly famous. As we toil the baseball earth searching for a path to glory, we are subject to its whims. The injuries we played through, the bus rides we shared, the per diems we blew through at fast food joints, the dizzy bat races (ALL THE DIZZY BAT RACES)—it all leads to this.

When I put on that Rangers uniform now, I wear it for all of you. It has been a tumultuous three months for me, from the highs of competing for my country in the WBC [flashes the international symbol for honkbal] to the lows of missing out on the 25-man roster out of spring training. And while I may be youngest player to appear on the Stash List since its inception, there are words of wisdom I can leave with you as you get closer and closer to immortality. Wil, dear Wil, it's been a privilege to share the top portion of prospect lists with you. No one with your talent should ever have to suffer through 28 homers in Triple-A. I hope you've hit your last, and I mean that in the best way possible. Oscar/Billy, I will see both of you in future All-Star Games—I just wish it could be from the same dugout. Yasmani, stay out of trouble—100 games is a long, long time. Jonathan, remember what that union rep told you about the difference between the minor-league and major-league drug policies. And, when we play in Houston, the first three bags of Doritos are on me.

And when you get to the promised land, show them you belong with swagger and a smile that will give Jason Parks heatstroke. So that when the next generation of Stash List names are given sky high praise, it's you that they will be unfairly compared to. Stay thirsty, my friends. I'm now off to urinate all over the infield dirt at Rangers Ballpark so that Kinsler stays away from my space when he returns from the disabled list. I ain't going back to Round Rock."

Jurickson Profar, 5/19/13

Without any further ado, here is The Stash List, version 5.0:

The Graduates: Jurickson Profar (1), Ted Lilly (18)

1) Wil Myers, OF, Tampa Bay Rays (Last week: 2)

After five weeks, we finally have a new number one—though if I had to guess, it won’t last for all that long. With the Super Two deadline approaching within a matter of weeks, it seems like a pretty safe bet to say that Wil Myers will be patrolling right field in Tampa before mid-June. I’m not even going to bother quoting his performance any more, since it just doesn’t matter. He’s ready and they know it.

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<< Previous Article
Premium Article Monday Morning Ten Pac... (05/20)
<< Previous Column
Fantasy Article The Stash List: The Ba... (05/15)
Next Column >>
Fantasy Article The Stash List: Don Ma... (05/28)
Next Article >>
Premium Article Transaction Analysis: ... (05/21)

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