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November 27, 2012

Punk Hits

Why Stadium Giveaways Are So Unbelievably Awful

by Ian Miller

From: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
Subject: Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Just got the 2013 promotions sched. Not pleased. Chia heads and baseball cards are borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. And the chia things are $$$!
Scrap it and start over. Let’s have some new ideas. Think outside the dang box for a change!
p.s. Budget still very much in the box. Sponsors won’t pay more than $1/patron. Get creative!

Sent from my Droid RAZR MAXX

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From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing
Subject: re. Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Great news! I’m excited about the prospect of some new giveaway ideas!!
I’m partial to the “wearable blanket” (the unbranded version of the Snuggie or Slanket) or possibly some Thunder Sticks! (Although that might also be a brand name; I’m confident we can find an unbranded version of those as well, if that’s an issue!)

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

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From: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
Subject: Re.: re. Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Dammit, that’s so far in the box that we might as well just hand out boxes at the turnstiles! Ask those interns. We need a totally fresh perspective here.

Sent from my Droid RAZR MAXX

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From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: interns@
Subject: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Hey guys (and girl!), put your thinking caps on, because I’ve got an assignment for you!
I took a look at the promotions calendar for next year, and frankly it looks pretty mundane. Let’s see if we can come up with some fresh new ideas, OK? So no Thunder Sticks or Slankets, ok? (LOL!)

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

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From: Hunter
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Beer

Sent directly from my brain