Notice: Trying to get property 'display_name' of non-object in /var/www/html/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-seo/src/generators/schema/article.php on line 52
keyboard_arrow_uptop

Word has come down that Ozzie Guillen engaged in a "profanity-laced tirade" because his pitchers did not pitch well. Newspapers are squeamish about this sort of thing, so I worked the phones tirelessly tonight to find out exactly which profanities our dear Ozzie laced his speech with. A list:

  • cow-bungling boon-nozzle
  • son of a shinguard Franzen-lover
  • cat-poaching sweat-frog
  • pants-wearing stink-tree
  • Mingus-chanting master-craftsman
  • hair-bagging murder-balladeer

Multiple sources independently confirmed each of these cusses.

Thank you for reading

This is a free article. If you enjoyed it, consider subscribing to Baseball Prospectus. Subscriptions support ongoing public baseball research and analysis in an increasingly proprietary environment.

Subscribe now
You need to be logged in to comment. Login or Subscribe
TGT969
7/04
Wow Jason. How long did this take? Will Ozzie mention Richard Ford or
John Coltrane in his next spew of vitrol?
doctawojo
7/04
My journalistic standards are high—making sure that each quote was exactly right took a lot of phone calls and checking. One person, and I won't say who, swore up and down that Ozzie said "Lethem" instead of "Franzen." I'm pretty sure dude had an agenda.
Oleoay
7/04
Hey, I love Franzen...
clete6
7/05
I thought I heard "coprophagic microcephaloid".