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December 10, 2001


Our Annual Postseason Anti-Awards

by Baseball Prospectus


We've tabulated this year's HACKING MASS results, and we've got ourselves a winner. Keith Lindahl led his imaginatively named squad to a fantastic 371.76 ESPN to easily capture the 2001 HACKING MASS title. Keith's winning team is a smorgasboard of stiffness:

  • C Mike Matheny
  • 1B Kevin Young
  • 3B Cal Ripken
  • IF Rey Ordonez
  • OF Marquis Grissom


Team-by-Team Results

OwnerTeam NameESPN
Keith LindahlKeiths Team371.76
Michael WendtVH Ones363.23
Gareth PopeWon't Walk, Won't Hit, but they have clubhouse prescence!356.02
Jeff WrightThe Alan Wiggins Project356.02
Eric RoushThey never gave a prize for the most humorous name.352.79
Jon SchmittAmish Roadkill347.74
Dominic RiversAnd by the way, I pick the Orioles to win the series in six345.58
Kurt RitzmanThe Peter Gammons Veteran Presence All-Stars339.07
Brad KaneBovine Spongiform Encephelopathy334.13
Josh KalkHomer's Hacking Heros331.25
David Greenstonedgreds330.26
Jason MarechalChemistry and Defense Wins Championships330.08
David GeiserThe Willie Greene Emulation Society329.28
David EdelmanExpanded Strike Zones328.74
Bryan HardawayValium St. Blues324.96
Mark RobinsonSticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.323.54
Tim KolehmainenPoppin' Fresh323.16
Brian PopowskyDick Tracewski's Sluggers321.33
Jason MarshCongratulations! Unprintably Tasteless Name Submitted320.85
Walter DavisManteo Marmosets320.85
Peter FrassoPlaieyres Az Geoued Az Meye Spelllinge320.59
Nelson LuI Want Randy Smith's Job320.14
Bob HeinrichSt. Elsewhere319.50
Rich CadieuxWe Could Do This Blindfolded!319.50
Tony GoodsonWorst Players... Ever319.50
Tony BorgerdingDa Crushers319.50
Warren BeaudryTornados319.30
Josh PassmanVeteran Leadership318.84
Andrew WeatherallJahnny Gash315.27
Tim IrvinOPS: Offensively Putrid Stiffs314.54
Chad KubicekKubi's Butterballs314.52
Eric SlippernWoody Woodward's All-Stars314.45
Cameron Crise2001: A Waste of Space Odyssey314.19
Gabriel ArnsonUnsensible Knaves312.46
Russ DeweyLemaster Batters310.93
Sean RansomThe Arbitration All-Stars310.41
Bo LightAbcdefghijklmnpqrstuvwxyz310.41
Will OstdiekSons of Herm Winningham309.40
Daniel RodriguezDamn this Team of Slappies and Stiffs309.06
Dean CarranoPearce's "What's the Use" Children309.06
Patrick FournierEvil Wizards309.06
Scott HarangThe Steve Beucheles309.06
Sean SmithThe Intangibles309.06
Sue-Hyung Shinymca teeball league all-stars (2nd team)309.06
Justin DowlingUntil Jose Mesa starts hitting...308.38
will wangfive lousy pieces308.13
Cris EnestvedtMore High Fastballs Can't Be Good308.10
Sean DawsonMad hackers307.76
Don BuschLeaders Don't Take Walks307.48
Jay MeyerMighty Mighty Meyer307.48
Steve CameronNo Batter, No Batter, No Batter, Whiff!307.34
Dan DickChocolate City Thumpasorus307.33
Scott SimonMaddux for Cy Young306.13
Eric StephenEnos Cabell and The Five Disciples305.50
Geoff KrallThe Degenerative Hips305.16
Chris LongBill Bergen Lives305.10
Alfred WallaceClubhouse Leadership304.83
John WalshGreenjeans304.24
Chris CoovertD Bells and Friends302.85
Kevin LarkinBad News Bears 2001302.55
David TatePacific Power and Gas302.41
Dan McLaughlinBaseballCrank301.49
Robert SpisakSputniks299.60
Eric YoungBruce Benedict Memorial Flailers299.34
Terry VentSpring Hill Roadkill298.85
Micah HeilicserCub Killers298.34
Tim WildeIcterus Galbuli298.08
Dan LewisThe Boston Massacre297.66
KyleSwiss Cheese Bats297.66
Asa AllenWhiffle Bats and Glass Eyes296.40
Rob SeidenwurmPortland Rainmakers296.40
Robert WagnerUgly Losers296.40
Kenneth PeskinPaul Zuvella's Secret Lovechild295.34
Mike ElenbaasKen Phelps Phan Club294.75
Perry SailorVeteran Leaders294.59
James FraserRafael Belliard's Grandma294.31
Rob SandlerThe Raging Placentas293.57
Mike MurrayFlatliners293.28
PhilCam Bonifay all-stars292.87
James GillGallium Sluggers290.53
Bret HernRichie Hebner Showed Me How290.09
Greg TamerDa Buffalo Birds289.26
Joon PahkTop 10 signs your team isn't playing with a full deck289.16
Chris GeislerCayahoga Wahoo De-Lite All Stars288.09
Brian GresslerAll this for only $19.95 plus shipping and handling287.30
Dan HoeferVeteran's Committee Short List, 2030287.06
Sean FormanDer SchwachenArmen Schlaegermeisters286.35
Joel RobertsMuser's Rolodex285.18
Andrew RitchieNeptune's Non-threatening Farm Animals285.02
Nick VaccaroThe Unnaturals284.82
Craig MaczkowiczReally Rottens284.33
John RauchmanDefense Wins Championships!284.33
James GoldenSpeedy wimps who don't walk284.33
Eugene HungChula Vista Fireballs284.33
Dave GlickensteinJeff Stone's Spring Training Scabs284.33
Diego GarciaReincarnations of Bill Bergen283.67
Rany Jazayerli, M.D.The Flatliners283.67
Curtis WeberMike Matheny's Knife Sheath283.63
Richard FishGreat Falls Uglyfish283.63
Jason CallicuttRaffy's Fun Guys283.59
Jim HollandZeem's Dream Team283.13
Mike LittauBoogermeisters 2001 -- I'm afraid I can't hit or walk, Dave282.70
Andrew RichterEgads!!282.16
Geoff ThevenotDown with OBP? No Way, Not Me!282.05
Jim WiningerRey Ordonez Sucks or The Orioles, I can't decide281.22
Mitchell BelowBelow Zeroes280.94
David SnyderDestined To Lose280.74
Stephen MathisCotton's Swabs280.68
Jeff WilliamsPhase280.62
David CameronSeattle Bulldogs280.36
Mark LocatelliThe Slumping Space Bunnies from Jupiter279.87
Josh KraushaarAmerican University Anti-Bonds279.66
Mark MurphyEric Gregg's Strikezone x 5279.66
Brian Flaspohler2001 Outs in 2001!279.49
Tom BattiatoMy Sister's Fantasy Team279.42
Jay StachowskiBob Dole's Right Hand278.51
Todd BurianekIt's not you; it's me!278.40
Zack GimaThe Suckiest Sucks that ever sucked278.40
Clark ShumwayTeam Chemistry277.94
Ryan A. AdamsFive reasons to pray for a work stoppage277.79
Scott OstdiekGrandsons of Winningham277.57
Brad BuchananThe Off-Base Machines276.42
Mike MarcucciPeter Gammons' IM Buddy List275.95
David ShapiroShapiro Maniacs275.10
Rick JonesMississauga Shutout Masters275.06
Mike LavoiePunted Roster Spots274.87
Tad TrammellThe suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked274.63
Zorba ZettlerDarrin Fletcher's Fighting Illini274.22
Phillip BurgartStiffs R Us273.94
Chris GraberFeel the Breeze273.89
Dayn PerryCubic Zirconium273.89
David SchoenfieldWill Play For Food (or Cam Bonifay)273.89
Cory SchwartzSwinging Salami Bats With Wet Spaghetti Arms273.89
Allen SpeirThe Pirates signed who?!?273.89
Patrick HurleyWheaton Ambulance Chasers273.89
John StuartSearching for 4th Place Again273.89
J.M. SmytheCongratulations! Unprintably Tasteless Name Submitted273.89
Tom WrightLock Stock and No Smoking Barrels273.89
Robert MalkinMalkin Tents273.42
David NieporenttSyd Thrift's Dream Team273.26
Robert DudekShouldn't these guys be in AA ?273.00
Seth JohnsonOmega Seth272.79
Hugh DauffenbachTake the Donut Off272.75
Brad CarnellBetter than the Minnesota Twins272.60
Jesse MathesonIntangibles272.31
Joseph ShermanHomer's Blunders272.31
Joe DiminoPottsville Yuenglings272.01
Jason GischeThe Flying Nones271.84
Chris ReedBrooklyn Un-Superbas271.78
Ben EdelmanPadres Shortstop Candidates271.49
Rob MathewsNo Lo Tengo270.86
Jeremy FordJust Bring Out the Pitching Machine...Don't Waste Your Arm270.32
Frank ShererJuiced Ball? I Don't See Any Juiced Ball.270.19
Joel WirthHe Swung At Ball Four269.57
Ed BarnesChemistry. By Calvin Klein269.51
Brian FayFor whom the Bell don't toll269.03
Jason HoaglandAspiring To Be Danny Napoleon268.84
Jason RexingCalifornia Penal League All-Star Team267.45
Chris NeedhamRey Sanchez' All-Stars267.12
Jeff KruszewskiThe Don Baylor All-Stars266.34
Murali KrishnanDunston Checks In265.67
Costa GalanisThe Olympic Baseball Team of Greece 2004265.25
Matt LubmanWeBlowGoats265.13
Paul MazurkiewiczP-Rock's Scrubeenies265.13
Michael HawkinsDerek Bell's Guide to Success in the Majors264.17
Chad O'KellyAlcoholics Unanimous264.03
Eric DeWallStanding Outs264.03
Dave NaehringViolent Phlegms263.89
Steven CarterThe Mighty Slugs263.66
Langstaff JohnstonCam Bonifay's Shopping List263.35
Christian RuzichHacking Ruz263.25
Roy WhiteMold, Findle, Sputilate263.22
Tom MaccaroneLumber in Slumber263.22
Arvin HsuAll your base are belong to us262.91
Aaron GrantElmira White Sox261.96
Marty WinnMarty Winn's Team261.57
Sandy PetersonPurple People of Kehau261.57
Josh MatthewsJose Uribe's Love Bunch260.75
Paul BrackeSucking Suckheads260.30
Dave Till"He was a day late and a dollar short on that one, Jerry"259.11
JD BarnesThe TLR Five258.30
Voros McCrackenItsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Mathenys258.30
Bret RobertsonFlaming Escargot257.88
Dave AdlerSquirrel Nut Whiffers II - Squirrels in Cleats257.60
Paul S. GalvanekThe Mister Roper Experience257.60
Scot HughesVeteran Presence257.44
Davideasy outs257.33
Jeff Sullivanfwengland fwinks rule!!!256.83
David DickMarquis Grissom Memorial Team256.49
Mike Fengerhumpback liners256.32
Josh MosesLeon and the Durhams256.12
Adam SiryI'd like to make an offer to Cam Bonifay255.90
Michael BassThese Guy Blow255.90
Bill WoodCapital Small Balls255.90
Tom RenkesProven Vertebrates255.90
Gabriel SchwartzHalter's Hackers255.49
Scott SantandreaProven Veterans255.28
Sherif GeleilThe Larry Bowa All Stars255.14
Terry LusterThe Brigitte Lahaie Fan Club254.32
James MathisMike Ramsey's Boys254.32
Tod JohnsonDerek Bell and the guys who know their role!254.04
Dan KozuskoThe OTF253.73
Kevin LedermanALL-SCRUB All Stars253.59
Eric MoyerPokey Pokey Pokey253.47
Alex HancockFlaked giblets in aspic253.44
Peter VaethThe Intangibles253.18
John NewfryWaste of Good Ash, (or waist of Gord Ash, take your pick)253.16
David BlackburnLosers, Inc.252.78
Kyung RoSmoking Bass?252.78
Jordan WolbrumA Pennsylvanian GM's Dream252.78
Jason W. RoseOne, Two, Three Strikes Your Out252.78
Brian MarshallUK Subs252.75
Hyoun ParkNASDAQ Bat Whacks!252.57
Jay JaffeMendoza Liners252.51
Jason1899 Cleveland Spiders252.50
Carl ZimringXLB252.38
Dean Chadwinwhen statheads litigate252.13
Stephen McAvoyBicycle Spoke All-Stars251.89
Mitch DuplerManila Folders251.82
Daryl CunninghamSomeone Set Up Us The Bomb!251.72
Jonah KeriCool hair gets you anywhere: The Orlando Cabrera Story251.72
Matthew Strebecksucks to be these guys251.37
Donald AdamekAnn Arbor Chelios Haters251.21
AlanProven Veterans251.15
Toby JohnsonLos aficianados de Reyo251.12
Phil DrinkaThe Usual Suspects - Don't Round Them Up250.82
Huggy HuckabayLABR Stoppages250.31
Denise ParsonsComatose Comets250.29
Chris SjoholmSlug-gers250.02
Jake LeBlanncThe Suckiest Team in the Whole Wide World!!!249.95
Rich ClaytonCam Bonifay's All Stars249.76
Bill DeSalvoDon Buddin Dream Team249.33
MikeKung Pao Train249.30
Paul SmithThe Good, The Bad and Your Mom248.71
Michael HamBums for Bums248.60
Nick GisondaThe Great Blewdinis, Part Deux247.75
Rich RifkinThe Colt .25's247.56
David WinsorHermosa Hounds247.48
Jason WardBonifay's Blow-up Dolls247.39
Josh SchulzGo Dbacks!247.32
Dennis McMahanRigor Morrises246.81
Mike WilsonHave Bat Will Play246.03
Mark WiffenLittlest Hobos246.01
Roland BassettFlorida Recount Society245.90
Ed AgnerDeionz Prime Timerz245.79
Grant BrisbeeName containing clever baseball reference and pun245.57
Chris ClaywellSF Quakes245.42
Randall PackerBonehead Merkles245.37
Kevin ChangStockinged Glory244.76
Adam MorrisThe Nappy Pappys244.57
Nicholas MeyerNobel Prize Winners in Chemistry243.62
Jeremy BuchmanWhoomp--There It Ain't!243.41
Tim DawsonJimy's Bench243.41
Mark A SullivanThe Belangers243.40
DJ BirnieThe Ziggens are Key242.53
Jeff PhillipsS.A.B.L (sorry a** bunch losers)242.42
Mac ThomasonI have no chance242.07
Chris MusilloIn a Cryptoquote, Cam is God241.81
David GuretzFresh Ones241.60
David MitchellLa Jolla Pimp Doggz241.28
Mike DevelinThe Blair Stick Project241.28
Joe WeatherallWabasha Whiffers241.28
Jim DuValeusThe Jim Mini-Crickets240.92
Michael FischerThe Intangibles240.66
Todd CarberryMr. Burns' Dream Team240.29
Jesse CaldwellProven Veterans240.17
Chris JohnstonRey Ordonez's Inglorious Stiffs featuring Mike Matheny240.10
Vinay KumarThe 2004 Orioles240.10
Scott CiancioScott's Lame Bunch239.64
Peter HonigThe Terry Francona All-Stars239.20
Steve CoxLearn Baseball The Larry Bowa Way238.72
David KellyOyler's Oilers238.72
Dave LakeSlash and Burn238.35
Jody BeaulacThe Cacophony238.26
Joel Friedstill beats the Orioles237.92
Jeff ChaiHe-Man and She-ra237.85
Matthew EddySterling Siliphant237.71
Rob SieczkiewiczDefense is 90% of Winning237.57
ArvThe indomitable ones237.47
Christian TrudeauOverpaid Losers237.01
James KhanlarianUgly Muppets236.83
Keith HibbettsWhiffy Mcgees236.65
Phil BezansonThe Oscar Azocar All Stars236.63
Alan RowlandSisyphus' Abyss236.23
Owen ThomasBob Boone's All Stars236.23
John BochicchioSay it aint so !236.13
Chip DilworthTaxi Drivers236.12
Barry GillisThe best OPS-shuns235.81
Mike TillyKnights Who Don't Say Ni235.76
Todd SlavinskyRey Quinones' Horrific July Slump-A-Thon235.50
Gho Ghogholghod awful235.39
Bill CaskeyBlind Squirrels235.32
Paul WuDeath From At-Bats234.61
Eric BrasherFree Aubrey Huff Now!234.32
Kenny PoulinJimy Williams's Dream Team234.28
Michael NeftThe Dead Parrots233.98
Schuyler DombroskeBobby Meachem All-Stars233.95
Kevin PeltonThe Pat Meares Wanna-Be's233.82
Brian Hayesfor me to poop on233.72
Bill HellerJunk In The Trunk233.67
Michael L. SmithNarcissus Flycatchers233.67
Ross WollenPreserved Fish233.67
Jeremy MilsteinViva Enzo Hernandez!233.22
Mike Kimthe White Pony233.00
John ChurchAtlantis Failures232.91
Keith WilloughbyJimy Williams All-Stars232.46
Brian GrayExtra Winkies232.39
Jeff BarricelliMark Belanger presents...232.17
Lazaros VolikasAbsolute Zeroes of Ground Zero232.13
Duane GrassbaughI really want noHomer Bush and St.Rey on my team231.40
D. KidderThe Can Cams (From Pirate Fans in the Underworld)230.74
Bill OttermanSenator Jon Corzine230.68
Mark ZebelmanSyd Thrift All Stars230.61
Rodney ReinekeThe Blank-O's230.61
Jonathan PuseySucksville Suckskippers230.55
Brad WenbanOrioles230.17
Doug KrippendorfMora is Less230.13
Jake ParrottLava Crap230.07
Robert WeilerThe Men Behind The Curtain229.53
Chris PapazianKill Kill229.39
Eric CarlileIf An Offense Falls in the Forest...229.03
Aaron GleemanGood veteran leaders who provide good clubhouse chemistry228.05
Michael O'BrienThe Black Holes227.70
JameyLimp Noodle Bats227.35
Ken KronstadtDeadbeat the drum slowly227.27
Seth BlonderThe Proven Veterans227.27
Jason ScottThe Mickey Hatchets227.13
Mike SerlinMerlin's Magic Mufflers227.13
Duan StokesHot Press Munchengladbach226.56
Jason LebeckCan't hit their way outta a wet paper bag226.47
Noah RoyThe Millstones226.39
Theron SkylesThe Five Tools226.39
Zen BitzBitz' Bit-Size Hitz226.39
Brian J. BrennanLowlifes226.28
John McDonaldThe Ovals226.15
Bret HildebranSuicide Squeeze Stiff Sticks226.07
John ReynardPast, Present, Future Braves bench or Royals starters225.83
Subrata SircarProphets ... Of Doom!225.72
Gary HuckabayRounding First...and Heading Back to the Dugout225.55
Russell SteeleCam's Cannon Fodder225.38
Steve HawesStever's Underachievers224.70
Joshua BuergelKansas City Herks224.65
Ted MaireBuffalo Chips224.44
Ryan DanielsRafael Santana's No-Hit All-Stars223.99
Windsor WilliamsThey Flail Hard for the Money223.89
Josh PaleyPfighting Ptarmigans223.45
Jack HartHartless Losers223.13
Bo PolakSee Ball, Hit Ball222.93
Matt BruceVin Scully's Worst Nightmare222.80
Jeffrey GoldbergSuck Inc.222.66
Dan KachurStaten Island Bombers222.56
Michael NickelsburgThe Iowa City Angry Beavers222.20
Justin BinekKalamazoo Mendozas222.18
Jim O'HaraRen's Revenge222.17
Josh AraujoBrooklyn Illest222.17
ChristianSweet Home RUNabama221.95
Doug RibletThe Five Tools221.25
Laurence HartThe Hawkins Hacking Hitters221.18
Ira BlumHackum Stiffie220.43
David JacksonHeart and Chemistry220.26
Sean EhrlichReally Bad Players220.17
Jeff KnapkeCam's Favorite Pirates220.03
RobertGrand Valley Whitecaps219.88
Rahul DattaBaltimore Hack219.29
Will Primeranocoop's poops218.93
Jason LeeCalifornia Penal League All Stars218.77
RH Bartlettthe stiffs of victory217.96
Arthur LeeBurnaby North Vikings217.61
Ben MurphyMurph's Marauders216.80
Keith FiertlNo tools216.76
Colby CoshThe Futility Sinfielders216.56
John CohenWe Are Not Amused216.47
Eric BoorstinLA Smog Inhalers216.35
Joel WertheimerBurlington Biffs215.73
Brendan JichaOhio Rejects215.68
Joseph KowalThe Hitless Wonders.... 95 years later215.68
Matt CoakleyThis Game Sucks215.35
Bill JohnsonBill's Pills215.07
Paul P.The Green Pay Hackers214.85
Tom BacheValdez Oilers214.71
AJ SchusterScraping the Bowels of Sucktitude214.71
John DelaCruzNuke's Lalooshers214.56
Silas ByrneThe Ronco Hackamatics214.48
Tim DalyRigidi Sumus214.39
Jacob VaccaroeLiTe hAcKeRz214.33
GeoffThe Intangibles All-Stars213.77
Lowell BikeRey's Kings of Ineptitude213.69
Rob ClarkSpringfield Isotopes213.53
Andy HendrickSchnauzers213.52
Ben HemmensBlech213.48
Brian JenkinsWait Til Next Century!213.48
Allan ZarseRandolph Street Ringers213.44
KeithKeith's Team212.94
Glenn DixonVersatile Vermin212.49
Brom KeifetzJoe Girardi's WWJD Bracelet212.42
Nathan VassalloWe Suck212.21
Don GensimoreYour 2002 Pittsburgh Pirates212.01
Clinton BauderStadium Extortionists211.96
John ShukieVandy's Polar Bears211.92
Johnny PreyerThe Peter Gammons Clubhouse Forces211.25
Mike Klinethe slow and the dead211.07
Zachary SteinBicoastal Benders210.57
Jim FergusonThe Dal Maxvill All-Stars210.52
Jonathan WiltThe Bill Bergen All Stars210.41
David KentKent's Klowns210.24
Ian BellThe LeMasters210.06
Michael ForgioneCoomerama209.83
Sean EasthamAlmost Glue209.66
Nghia NguyenToronto Wow-Is-That-Rafael-Santana-Suiting-Ups209.42
Dave WinkelmanDonkey Punchers209.27
Jeff RynottSlhackers209.27
Jared Crossdefensive gems208.85
Denise BattiatoElectrocutioners208.68
Jason RobarSyd Thrift and Cam Bonifay's Love Child208.56
John HollierThe Intangibles208.54
Ryan LankhaarSmellypoo Suck Cats207.75
Thomas BermanJose Mesa Is A Tar Pit Creature207.75
JP KastnerThe Big Bump VII207.66
Kevin GreenbergYour 2002 Philadelphia Phillies207.31
Mike CuccaroDerek Bell Says Personal Stats Don't Count207.17
Kent ClemensMenno Hack207.15
Adam EscandellThe Intangibles206.84
Ryan FordTumwater Misunderestimatables206.67
Sam Zimmerman

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2002-01-09 - From The Mailbag: The Man With The Golden Gu...
2001-12-10 - HACKING MASS Results
2001-11-08 - Staff Balloting Roundup
2001-11-07 - Staff Ballots
2001-10-27 - Staff Picks