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CAREFUL, HE'LL MAKE YOU WATCH CAMERON DIAZ'S NEW MOVIE

"The long and short of it is it's pretty much baseball etiquette. He should probably take a note from his captain over there, because you don't run across the pitcher's mound in between an inning or during the game. I was just dumbfounded that he would let that slip his mind."
Athletics starter Dallas Braden, on Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez running across the pitcher's mound after a foul ball.

"I was just trying to convey to him that I was still out there, that ball's in my hand and that's my pitcher's mound. If he wants to run across the pitcher's mound, tell him to go do laps in the bullpen."
—Braden

"He just told me to get off his mound. I was a little surprised. I've never quite heard that, especially from a guy that has a handful of wins in his career. I've never even heard of that in my career and I still don't know. I thought it was pretty funny, actually."
—Rodriguez

"What was he trying to do, break up a double play at first? He understood that but he doesn't understand this? If my grandmother ran across the mound she would hear the same thing he heard. Those guys, from top to bottom, it's a classy organization. From top to bottom they do it right. He should maybe just watch his captain a little more often. It doesn't start and end with him over there at third."
—Braden

"I'm not really a speck on that guy's radar but he'll know after today that it might not be a good idea to run across the mound when I'm out there. It's not like I throw 95 and I'm going to hurt him. He'll know I was there, though."
—Braden (New York Post)

JUST ANOTHER VICTIM

"He gave him the plate. You can either slide there or take him out. I thought it was a little too early in the game to take him out. If he slides, he’s safe regardless. I guess he was on a mission.”
Angels outfielder Torii Hunter, on Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira scoring at home in a collision with Los Angeles catcher Bobby Wilson.

“It was (upsetting). He can score easily. I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to hit us because I just hit him (with a pitch). The count was 1-1. I don’t mean to hit him.”
—Angels pitcher Ervin Santana on Teixeira's encounter with Wilson at the plate.

“Baseball is baseball. That’s the way it goes sometimes, and unfortunately it was Bobby Wilson. That’s how the old school guys do it. I haven’t done it in a while, and I’d like to do it again one day. I miss it. I got the itch to do it again."
—Hunter on coming home hard. (Mark Feinsand, New York Daily News)

SHOULD YOU HAVE CHECKED TO SEE IF MR. MACPHAIL LIKES MIXED METAPHORS FIRST?

"I've been in a position where I'm a really nice fella and I'll cover. I'll get questions point blank and I feel like I'm a damn presidential press secretary sometimes instead of telling it what is it. I have to smooth it over. I'm not smoothing it over anymore."
Orioles manager Dave Tremblay on his team's slow start.

"We're not doing the things that are necessary to win baseball games at the major-league level. I think it has been too repetitive for the first 15 games. And I don't want any excuses any more, that this guy is hurt or we don't have that guy. No one is feeling sorry for us. We've dug ourselves a hole, but it's not insurmountable. We're not going to give in or give up, but I'm not going to just let things just slide and say it's OK to accept for us getting our (behinds) kicked."
—Tremblay

"I thought our plan made it pretty clear. What I saw didn't sit well with me. You know I'm not talking to a wall. …. Then you see the pitchers pitching totally different than what we want."
—Tremblay

"It hasn't been acceptable. I'm very patient, but I tell you the truth, I didn't have anybody disagree with what I said. I shouldn't have to talk to guys at the major-league level about some of the very basics, but they were addressed."
—Tremblay (MLB.com)

NEAL HUNTINGTON HAS EXPLAINED RUN DIFFERENTIAL TO THE MEDIA BUT NOT YET TO HIS PLAYERS

"I don't care about that. I don't care about making history. I care about winning games. All we need to do is win our next game, 1-0. And if we do that, people are still going to say we just got outscored, 36-1. It doesn't matter. We're still 7-8, and we're still having a good season. We had a bad series."
Pirates outfielder Lastings Milledge, on getting routed 20-0 by the Brewers, the worst loss inthe franchise's 124-year history.

"Today was an embarrassment. We should all be embarrassed to have Major League Baseball uniforms on our back today. It was an atrocity. We set a record. We should all be embarrassed about it. That's how I feel."
—Pirates reliever Brendan Donnelly

"It was just one of those crazy games. You never know what's going to happen when you step on the field. You keep playing the game and respect the situation. They're trying. We're trying. There's a fine line between respecting the game and still playing the game. It's a tough situation. We played well for three days, and it showed in the overall score."
—Brewers center fielder Jim Edmonds (Dejan Kovacevic, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

MAYBE THE CUBS WILL LET YOU HAVE A FEW CONSOLATION DATES AT WRIGLEY WHEN THEY'RE ON THE ROAD

''I know this: If it doesn't work, we'll handle it, but it will have an effect. If we lose a lot of money this year, it will affect what we can do going forward. It's not going to put us in bankruptcy, but it means we will have to cut back. … I'm just concerned if we come out and open the season 2-12 and people stop coming out.''
White Sox chairman Jerry Reinsdorf

"I hope (the players) are embarrassed. I am. Our coaching staff is. If they don’t believe they can win, if they don’t want to be here … let me know pretty soon before it’s too late. I’m tired of what I see right now. Very, very, very, very tired.”
—White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen

"To us, this is one of the biggest keys we have for the ballclub. He went through this before and came out OK. When you are a veteran player and know what you are doing, he's the type of guy who won't panic."
—Guillen on his hope that left fielder/designated hitter Juan Pierre will overcome a slow start. (Scott Merkin, MLB.com)

THIS MAN IS AN INSULT TO THE MEMORY OF WALLY PIPP

"It leaves me in the same spot as when I show up every day—trying to find a way to help the team win. If that happens to be maybe spelling Ike if he's playing well, or maybe a pinch-hit role, they're going to hopefully put me in a position to help the team win."
Mets infielder Daniel Murphy

"Listen, if he's swinging the bat well and we've got a chance to win a pennant, [manager] Jerry [Manuel] has to run the best nine out there. He's already proven he's going to do that. And then I've pinch hit before. I did it my first year up. I did it last year. I've been able to have some success. If that turns out to be my role, then that's what I'll do."
—Murphy, on accepting a bench role in the majors.

"It's one of those things, unfortunately I got hurt, but that's something that's out of my control. What I can control is trying to get healthy and helping the team win."
—Murphy (Adam Rubin, ESPNNewYork.com)

THE REST

"It's this simple: He was preoccupied this winter and it cost him. He had personal stuff to straighten out, getting married, and he was ill-prepared to come into spring training. I don't know how much he threw to get ready. Some of it is our fault because we didn't track him as well as maybe we should. We've got to do a better job eyeballing that."
Giants general manager Brian Sabean, on left-hander Madison Bumgarner's struggles in spring training and early in the season at Triple-A Fresno.

"It's sad when any player feels that he needs to take a performance-enhancing substance to gain an edge. It's disappointing, but at the same time it underscores the fact that the program is in fact working. And if players are cheating, they're going to get caught."
—MLB executive Bob DuPuy on the 50-game suspension imposed on Reds right-hander Edinson Volzquez. (Jerry Crasnick, ESPN.com)

"This has been a problem for us in years past. This year we really emphasized it in spring training. Occasionally a pitcher will fall asleep, but a lot of times they’ve given our catchers a real good chance to make a throw and it just hasn’t gotten done yet."
Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein, on his club's inability to control the running game. (Boston Globe)

“The start wasn’t far off from being much (better). But obviously, walking seven guys is unacceptable.”
—White Sox starter Jake Peavy, after allowing seven runs against the Rays this week.

Alex Carnevale is a contributor to Baseball Prospectus.

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hessshaun
4/26
I move to rename this The Week in Ozzie Guillen.